Reboot Nation

Journals => Ages 20-29 => Topic started by: dusty on November 21, 2017, 08:25:43 AM

Title: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on November 21, 2017, 08:25:43 AM
I'm 24, addicted for around 11 years. I have tried to throw PMO so many times. I'm really fed up with it, so it's time to get rid of this shit forever. I will try to write here my progress every day, sometimes every other day. I am going to do the semihard 90, no P, no M, no PMO, but I allow M in the extreme situations, because my best strike 2 years ago (85 days) was based on M 1-2 times a week. These 90 days is my first step to be free.


Today is a 1 day, yesterday - PMO after 1 week being free. Today cravings are pretty high, there is always like this in first 3 days, after that for me crucial is pass 2 weeks and cravings are much lower. I hope that it will be succesful this time.

Please guys give me sometimes some support and your reflections, for me it's a great motivation.



Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: Eran91 on November 21, 2017, 04:34:55 PM
Welcome and congrats on starting a journal!

There are many people who have been where you are and have said today is the first day and after that never looked back on their PMO past. You can do it!
Looking forward to following your progress. You're not alone in this.

Cheers.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on November 22, 2017, 06:26:48 PM
Day 2

It was pretty easy and good day. In the morning I spent too much time with my computer because I had a free day in work and that is why some thought about P appeared. Moreover I opened an article with naked star but not to find a dopamine rush but to read this article (I suppose that but maybe my brain tricked me).
Conclusion of that: I have to limit my time before the computer's screen it surely decreases the possibilty of any fall.

In the evening I watched a movie with my girlfriend, there was a hot actress but I was trying to concetrate more about a plot so she didn't really arouse me. I must add that my girlfriend is sick now and we haven't had sex for more than a week so I'm much more subject to all sexual stimuli. But on the other hand this abstinence is also good for my recovery :)
Conclusion: I have to think about kind of movie which I can watch without any arousal before start watching.

I was also thinking about P and how much I was hooked, how powerful is this shit and how easy to return. I probably watched thousand of movies and that is why people nowadays have no rules and cheat on each other. Our brains are contaminated by P and we think that this is cool, good and primarily normal! But it's not.

Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: Johnny Trailer on November 22, 2017, 08:08:16 PM
Quote
I probably watched thousand of movies and that is why people nowadays have no rules and cheat on each other.

yes, porn definitely increases cheat rate, rape rate and lots of other crazy shit. anus sex, rough hardcore chocking sex, throwing up... most of it is porn induced. most people are a lot more into vanilla stuff a lot more than they think. i hate porn.

good luck on your journey, it can take a while so stay focused.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on November 23, 2017, 06:37:10 PM
Quote
I probably watched thousand of movies and that is why people nowadays have no rules and cheat on each other.

yes, porn definitely increases cheat rate, rape rate and lots of other crazy shit. anus sex, rough hardcore chocking sex, throwing up... most of it is porn induced. most people are a lot more into vanilla stuff a lot more than they think. i hate porn.

good luck on your journey, it can take a while so stay focused.

Thanks man, I hate porn too. I'm sure that we will cope with this shit.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on November 23, 2017, 06:49:04 PM
Day 3

Day was really smooth. In the morning I started day with checking facebook and I opened some hot girl profile which triggered some urges but I coped with them easily.
Conclusion:Limit time with facebook, I really recommend it also for all of you guys because I noticed that FB is a huge trigger to return to P.

During the day I didn't notice any change in energy, I wasn't happy or sad - only normal. I didn't have many thoughts about P and sex which is quite good for my recovery. Often after PMO I am really focused on girls bodies that I pass on the street but during my reboot it is reducing. Today I was trying to focus more on girls face and also other people. Just looking at them with an interest not an arousal.

I can't wait next days beacuse I feel that it will be successful reboot.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on November 24, 2017, 06:32:09 PM
Day 4

Today I had some mood swings. I had a dream connected with sex and P (no a wet dream) and I woke up very horny. That is why I tried to not use a cell  (for me it was one of the most dangerous devices). During the day I did't have urges but in the evening I had a hard time with pretty strong urges (they are still present) I think that it could be also connected with drinking a beer. The first half of the day I had a good mood but it changed rapidly and I was sad and angry in the evening.

Coclusion: watch out for alcohol - in my case it very often triggers relapses.

Good luck for everyone!

Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: Nofap901 on November 24, 2017, 06:56:53 PM
Good advice man. I feel like I'm more tempted with alcohol. I think meditation / cold showers when tempted really help. Never be isolated either because when boredom or negative emotions come it leads to relapse. Stay strong, bro!
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: Eran91 on November 25, 2017, 03:57:48 AM
Day 4

Today I had some mood swings. I had a dream connected with sex and P (no a wet dream) and I woke up very horny. That is why I tried to not use a cell  (for me it was one of the most dangerous devices). During the day I did't have urges but in the evening I had a hard time with pretty strong urges (they are still present) I think that it could be also connected with drinking a beer. The first half of the day I had a good mood but it changed rapidly and I was sad and angry in the evening.

Coclusion: watch out for alcohol - in my case it very often triggers relapses.

Good luck for everyone!

Good work on being aware of your cell as a dangerous device, alcohol as a trigger and fighting through those urges in the evening!
Keep going man!
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on November 25, 2017, 06:34:28 PM
Day 5
 I won't have much time during next 3 days but I will try to write everyday. This day was pretty good, but I had really strong urges in the middle of the day because on Facebook I saw my friend profile. She has really big boobs and her photos are so sexual so I had a big drive because of my porn developed fetish. Anyway I cope with that and the last part of the day was really smooth. I had a good mood surely.

Conclusion: once again watch out for Facebook!!! It's a huge trigger and I have to use it very cautiously.

Take care guys and good luck. I know we will do this!
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on November 25, 2017, 06:38:37 PM
Day 4

Today I had some mood swings. I had a dream connected with sex and P (no a wet dream) and I woke up very horny. That is why I tried to not use a cell  (for me it was one of the most dangerous devices). During the day I did't have urges but in the evening I had a hard time with pretty strong urges (they are still present) I think that it could be also connected with drinking a beer. The first half of the day I had a good mood but it changed rapidly and I was sad and angry in the evening.

Coclusion: watch out for alcohol - in my case it very often triggers relapses.

Good luck for everyone!

Good work on being aware of your cell as a dangerous device, alcohol as a trigger and fighting through those urges in the evening!
Keep going man!

Thanks man! We will do this together. Stay strong.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on November 27, 2017, 06:41:17 AM
Day 6

Ok, so it wasn't easy day. During the night between day 5 and 6 I read an article about sex robots and sexual behaviours in society nowadays and it makes me so aroused that I was just typing the one of P site in google but I quickly stopped it and reminded myself about rebooting.

Conclusion: I cannot read anything connected with sex, P etc. Even if it looks like scientific article it can be dangerous for me and makes me horny.

Day 6 was pretty easy and I had a good mood. The only problem was in the shopping mall (I went shopping), there was so many attractive girls and I felt so horny because most of them wear titillating clothes (tell me why world looks like that  :-\). It's often situation that after seeing such a girl I returned home and started PMO. Anyway not today and any following days beacause I feel strong and I'll never come back to this.

Conclusion: Try to not pay to perverse girls by looking more at their faces or simply look the other way. Sometimes it's really hard but I hope that it will be easier in the future.

Stay strong guys!  :D
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: Eran91 on November 28, 2017, 12:43:27 AM
Good work on avoiding the temptations. Your method of finding a conclusion when confronted with a potential risk to PMO is clever and interesting.

Keep grinding!
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on November 28, 2017, 08:58:45 AM
Thanks Eran, it's motivating me that you're following my progress!

Day 7

It was really smooth, easy and nice. I had little urges because of one movie on youtube but not so strong as the day before. I spent time with my father he visited me beacuse now I am abroad. We drank a lot of wine so I was a little scared that alcohol could make me more eager to PMO but there were no urges before I went to sleep.

One week is behind me. It's the first little step forward. We will do this guys, take care!
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: Nofap901 on November 28, 2017, 12:38:24 PM
Congrats on 1 week through, dusty. Keep up the good work man it's always good following your progress

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=njU4pROL9rM&index=18&list=LLgs9q5D0xlnxC8y5jCpORUg

There's some motivation for the journey we're on! Keep it up.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on November 28, 2017, 08:43:46 PM
Thanks a lot nofap! I know this movie, it's really motivating, when first time I saw it I simply started crying because I made myself award how this PMO trap looks like.

Day 8

Today everything was good. I was a little bit aroused by some photos on facebook but I closed the page and forgot about this. I feel that a bond with my girlfriend is stronger now and I think that I'm less selfish.

 I think this 8 days is one of my best streaks without any O.

 In the following days I probably will have sex with my gf but I will stay aware and watch out for urges!

Stay strong friends!
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on November 29, 2017, 07:51:15 PM
Day 9

Ok, so it was an ezzzz day. Urges are much smaller, even if I randomly take a look at some hot photo I'm less aroused than in the previous days. But I am still alert, don't worry. You never know when it gets back with double power. At the end of this day I was pretty sad so emotional swings are present. It's connected with that my gf is still sick and she's not so eager to have sex but I'm trying to be less egoistic. In addition this lack of O gives me more power.

Take care guys, we will do this :D
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on November 30, 2017, 10:12:08 PM
Day 10

That's strange day. Good at the beginning but in the evening I tried to have sex with my gf. Regrettably I had no erection, don't know why, I have never any problems with that. Maybe it was too late or that is why she is now not in best mood. But the strangest was after that, I tried to do sth to get an erection and I touched my penis for 10-15'sec and I cum. WTF it was so strange never happened before and I don't like it. Anyway I'm keep going.
Take care guys!
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: johnleesmith65 on December 01, 2017, 07:22:45 AM
Just let her know, you have porn addiction.
And people face problems in recovery.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on December 01, 2017, 07:42:25 PM
Johnie I'm thinking about this but I don't know if she understands it properly.

Day 11

Nothing special during this day. I noticed that I'm a little bit more aroused when I see an attractive girl. It's surely because of yesterday's ejaculation. Today I didn't have sex because my girlfriend was tired. Honestly for me it's becoming frustrating and upset me. I know that she had hard time because of bad illness but maybe you know this feeling of rejection when your girl is not interested in making love. On the other hand I'm not sure if I simply pay too much attention to sex and O because of P addiction.

Conclusion: try to do not have high hopes connected with sex because for sure everythink gets back to normal after a while. Hmm, I hope this is a good conclusion.

Stay strong guys   :D
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: Eran91 on December 02, 2017, 06:08:20 AM
Stay strong. You're making progress!
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on December 03, 2017, 07:10:10 AM
Thanks a lot Eran, you're motivating me so much!

Day 12

It was more sexual day. Firstly I MO'ed but I allow it absolutely only I try to do this as rarely as I can. After that my short flatline finished and the rest of the day was normal, urges were little stronger but in norm. In the evening I had sex with my gf and it was very fine but short because of a long break  ;) Today I have to be very cautious because urges will be probably stronger but I'm sure everything will be fine. This journal gives me a lot of power to be persistent!

Good luck men!
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on December 03, 2017, 08:32:18 PM
Day 13

Nothing special today. I noticed that I am more stable in emotions, I had a little argument and I was calm and precise in words. During the day I felt very horny several times but I was thinking about having sex (or bj) with my gf not about P.

As always stay strong guys!  :)
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on December 05, 2017, 08:17:53 AM
Day 14

I had hard time because whole day I was at home alone. Urges were pretty high because as many other addicts I usually PMO'd when I was alone and bored. In the evening my gf came back luckily. She gave me so great bj that I was a little bit dizzy after. However I noticed that intercourses may trigger chaser effect. It really exists guys and I'd like to warn you that you have to be even more aware and cautious after having sex.

Here some knowledge: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/chaser-effect-what-and-why.5219/

Anyway two weeks are behind me, it's not easy but rewarding path.
I hope that you keep it going also  :)

Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: Nofap901 on December 05, 2017, 08:20:31 AM
Good job on 2 weeks man. Yeah the chaser effect is the real deal. Being isolated makes things a lot harder on NoFap without a doubt. Keep it up bro.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on December 05, 2017, 08:28:57 AM
Thanks a lot nofap, you're inspiring me with your progress. Good luck!
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on December 06, 2017, 08:52:55 AM
Day 15

Damn, it was a pretty hard day. Cravings were strong and that's because of chaser effect. I had a brain fog and was alone at home but I was aware enough to know that being alone wasn't a good idea so I decided to get away from home and I went for a long walk and shopping.

I watched videos about overpizing bodies nowadays and I think it's a pure truth. Social media, internet and especially P enslave us and if we see any naked sexy body we act like dogs with lolled tongues. I am pissed-off that honestly everyone is subject to this brainwashing. That is why giving up P is a huge step to be free and independent.

In the evening I was watching 'Fast & Furious' and honestly it's not the best movie if you reboot but I tried to focus on plot not girls. Anyway we're not able to avoid completely triggers and if we do so there always exists a possibility to encounter a trigger suddenly and then we're not ready to cope with it. Therefore I will try to ignore triggers if I can't except them.

During this night I had a wet dream so today urges are still strong. I have to watch out for facebook because I've just seen a hot friend's photo and I'm feeling aroused. I think that I'm going to read a book or go for a walk.

Anyway I keep going.

Stay strong guys!
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on December 08, 2017, 07:37:53 AM
Day 17

Last two days were fine. I had urges time to time but I think that I am more aware and cautious. I didn't have a time to write sth in my journal. I think that I will visit this site less often because I was getting a little bit obsessed  ;) Anyway my motivation is still at the same high level. I think that generally I have much less obsessive thoughts connected with sex and so on. I'm become more relaxed and happy but I know it's still a long haul.

Stay strong guys!!
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on December 11, 2017, 07:44:05 AM
Day 20

Last days were quite good, I spent a lot of time with my gf. I noticed that some obsessive thoughts about sex, P and fetishes came back but generally I have more peaceful mind and I really appreciate that because what P wronged most is the peace of my mind. Urges are sometimes 0 and the other time hard e.g. a little while ago I was thinking about PMO and tried to use my good streak as an explanation to have a look at P once again. Obviously there are brain's tricks but I have to watch out.

Anyway I've been just thinking about one thing - the time being addicted and PMO we watch a lot of movies and tons of girls, is this possible that after a reboot I will be bored with one girl? I'm a bit afraid about this idea. I hope that reboot will give me an opposite effect.

I'm going to try some meditations to calm my mind.

Take care  :)
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: Johnny Trailer on December 11, 2017, 09:24:31 AM
Quote
is this possible that after a reboot I will be bored with one girl? I'm a bit afraid about this idea. I hope that reboot will give me an opposite effect.
with or without porn, humans are wired to reproduce and survive. survival really dont matter if you dont reproduce, reproduction is more important. i think that is why orgasm feels better than food.

im sure you remember the first time you fell in love with your gf, im sure it was feeling just a little bit better than now? maybe it was a lot better. the more often you O with someone, the more brain turns off attractiveness for that person and increases attractiveness for others because we are wired to spread our genes as much as possible before we die (we used to die before 30). in other words your secretary or random girl on the street can become more attractive than your current gf over time. this happens all the time. that is why gary wilson practices karezza. karezza is bonding behavior that includes sex but its not goal oriented. if you want to stay in deeper love with your gf, you need to practice more bonding behavior and less mating (edging and Oing) behavior.

this all makes sense and since gary wilson practices this, i would say its legit. i never practiced karezza though but i did noticed that my, now ex, gf became less attractive even after just 2 years of relationship. i mean, i started thinking about cheating, there were more arguments, less harmony etc. it happens to a lot of relationships if you ask me, really a lot.

we advanced so much from our beginning days, its not necessary to O all the time like before. its not necessary to spread our genes as quickly and as much as possible before we get eaten by the tiger. today is more bonding and less mating era. brain does not know the difference between porn and real girl, when you watch porn your brain thinking you are reproducing with all those beautiful babes. brain also dont know when you O with your gf that you are not Oing inside or making babies with her, brain thinks you are reproducing and why would you keep reproducing, keep watching same video or keep fucking same girl forever? it does not make sense from biological stand point if your main goal is to spread your genes as much as possible. to fight this, brain simply makes your current partner less and others more attractive. easy work.

nothing wrong with changing relationships though, but if you really want to stay in harmony and love you should practice more bonding behavior (karezza). it makes sense. if you dont O as often, your brain will keep thinking highly of your partner just like the first time you were together. it also happens that when some people get back together its good for some time but it goes south later again. this is all very common and i thought about it all and it makes sense to me. it makes sense why it goes south and it makes sense why all the karezza practitioners experience harmony and love more constantly.

gary wilson's wife is writting about karezza. i think reuniting is the name of the site and her name is marnia robinson.
   



Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on December 16, 2017, 06:56:42 AM
Thanks a lot Nikola, you have such an imressive knowledge about psychology. I've heard about karezza and its benefits and probably I will try it.

Day 25

Recently I had many ups and downs. Unfortunately obsessive thoughts came back to me, e.g. when I see an attractive girl I deliberate about having sex with her, especially if she fills my body fetishes. So of course I'm constantly horny and it's hard to resist to watch some P. On the other hand I'm more on real girls now and I think less about artificial stimuli. Anyway it's tiresome because I'd like to think more about so many other things because life is not based only on sex but it's often hard to me to focus. I ntoiced that I'm a little bit more confident and truly happy at these moments when my  brain is calm.
I MO'd twice in last 5 days and I know it's not good for me in this stage. I think there are two ways of reboot: with sexual stimuli - it's probably a longer way with harder urges and being more horny but without flitline. And opposite of that wtihout any sexual stimuli - a shorter one with less cravings but with terrible flitline.

I will try to avoid MO as well as sex (perhaps reduce it and make it more gentle).

Stay strong guys!
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: Nofap901 on December 16, 2017, 10:06:23 AM
Hey bro you'll get through the ups and downs. I'm on hard mode so I don't do MO, but those urges go away for the most part. I think it's worth it to give it up for at least 90 days. All up to you though. Just keep busy and focus on the good things in life! We can do this.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on December 19, 2017, 10:53:05 AM
Thanks for your attention Nofap, it gives me more power if I know that the others are following my journal. I think hard mode is probably the best but I'll try to do this reboot in my way, just trying to avoid MO as much as it's possible and probably after some time (maybe after 90 days) I'll return to MO to sensation time to time because I've heard that it's also good for a recovery.

Day 28

So it's 4 weeks without any P or PMO already. I feel pretty good now, in addition time to time I'm truly happy in that healthy way when you know that you like your life. As I said before I had also problems such as mood swings and a huge arousal and obsessive thoughts. Anyway I think that everything's going in good direction. Honestly I had never many problems with ED etc. but I noticed that my MW are almost on a daily basis now. When I PMO'd I rarely had MW.
Now I have difficulties with flasbacks and P-related thoughts but I can control them better then e.g 3 weeks ago.

Stay awake guys and good luck  :D

Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on December 21, 2017, 08:06:04 AM
Day 30

Full month without PMO behind me!!

I'm proud of myself but I don't lose focus. Honestly guys yesterday was the hardest day in this journey thus far. I had incredible hard cravings, don't know why but I relapsed around 30 day twice in my past reboots. But do you know why I resisted yesterday? Because of this journal mostly. I can't disappoint you and myself and in addition I've read so many stories in which everyone is so disappointed because of relapse and I don't want to reapeat my mistakes.

First serious battle won, but still prepared for the war.

Take care and stay strong brothers.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: Nofap901 on December 21, 2017, 11:05:21 AM
Congrats on a month bro! Keep going. Craving will come and go, but at the end of the day they're all temporary. Good job man.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on December 25, 2017, 09:16:14 AM
Nofap thanks bro!

Day 35

I had many ups and downs still but I think everything's going right. I didn't MO for more than a week, I had sex twice with my gf, once yesterday and today I have a big chaser effect. In addition in my mailbox everyday I receive a lot of SPAM with sex dating, so I opened a few today and I saw some naked girls but I shut it up quickly. It's annoying and it can be a trigger for me. I think Christmas time is a little bit more difficult but anyway I keep going. I'm going to add meditations (I've tried couple times and they were really useful) and CBT (strarting from January) to my recovery.

Good luck guys, stay strong, we'll do it  ;)
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on January 01, 2018, 05:58:32 PM
Day 42

Well, 6 weeks being free from PMO and P behind me. I would like to write a little bit more because actually I have some reflections to share with you my fellow rebooters.

1. I noticed that my addiction to PMO is not only based on desire to watch a P video but also because of general need to get laid (especially new girls).  And here I want to be very precise - I never was a type of guy who taps a lot of girls and so on, I was always a monogamist and I am with my GF in three-year relationship already and never cheated her what is more I really enjoy our relationship. BUT I don't know if this desire to have sex with another girls is increased by PMO or contrarily it was obscured by PMO (substitute) and now I can see it because I don't PMO. I know that this attitude is NORMAL for us (males) but I think that this desire is too big in my case and it can lead to PMO again. I'll watch my thoughts in the future and think about it.

2. On the other hand in past days I had moments when I honestly appreciated my life, relationship with my girl and so on. That's kind of feeling which I had many years ago when my addiction was not so advanced. But after these good moments my sexual obsessive thoughts always return. I'm thinking about going to psychologist maybe it would be helpful to get my thoughts right.

3. I've just come back to my home after being on the two-month internship abroad. This is really dangerous because at home my cravings are much stronger. I am alone in my room (temporarily I live with my parents) and many thoughts about PMO are appearing.

4. I'm starting CBT now as a kind of self-treatment  ;)

Stay strong friends.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on January 03, 2018, 06:08:55 AM
I'm so sorry guys, but I relapsed yesterday. It's mostly because of the fact that I'm at my home which reminds me of PMO so much.

IN SHORT: It started in the evening when I was reading articles about P, I think I started to look on purpose for articles which are against the theory of porn addiction. After that I lost my self-control and gave myself a permission to PMO.

I'm counting yesterday as a day 0, so my reboot lasted 42 days. It's not a length of which I could be especially proud but it's my second best streak anyway. I don't panic and I hope that this time gave my brain a lot of bemefits. Therefore I start counting like this is my:

Day 42.1

to keep my motivation.

Be stronger than me friends, good luck.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: Nofap901 on January 03, 2018, 09:05:27 AM
Hey dude just learn from your relapse and get back on! It's a long path, but you can do it man. Get back up!
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on January 14, 2018, 07:31:54 AM
Thanks a lot NOfap.

So, a little update in my journal.

Obviously after relapsing I couldn't easily get back to my reboot. I PMO'd 3 days in a row. After that I had a break - 6 days. Now I'm again back in PMO. I think that tommorow I will be able to back to my reboot but I have changed my goals and way of acting. I think hardmode is not a good way for me, sex is our physical neccesity, that is why we're on this page (and keep struggling with pornography).

I will simply replace porn with MO. To be honest I don't care if someone thinks that the only way is O free. Maybe for some of us it is but in my case it creates many problems. My life started to be focused on two things only - sexual desire and neccesity of reboot. It looks like OCD.

I hope that you keep going guys.
Good luck  :D
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on February 04, 2018, 06:03:26 PM
Hello again,

last days were fluctuating. I have problems to control myself properly. On the one hand I feel that PMO is in some way bad for me but on the other I look for researches that deny this.

Honestly guys, sometimes I really regret that I found yourbrainonporn and this forum... I know that this website enlightened me but except for porn caused problem it triggers sense of guilt after PMO which I haven't had before I found this website.

I will try to do a reboot again. Tommorow will be my day 1.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: malando on February 05, 2018, 03:08:39 AM
Hello again,

last days were fluctuating. I have problems to control myself properly. On the one hand I feel that PMO is in some way bad for me but on the other I look for researches that deny this.

Honestly guys, sometimes I really regret that I found yourbrainonporn and this forum... I know that this website enlightened me but except for porn caused problem it triggers sense of guilt after PMO which I haven't had before I found this website.

I will try to do a reboot again. Tommorow will be my day 1.
That's your addict brain looking for excuses to let you go back to PMO. But it's too late, you can't unlearn what you have learned. You will never go back to guilt free PMO, and the reason you even learned about this stuff is because PMO was damaging your life. Forget fantasies like, "I wish I never knew", because that can't be done. And if you never knew, you might also end up with total PIED and a life that's lacking in any direction or purpose. That's what P-addicts have to look forward to. It doesn't end well for any addict.

Trust in the instincts that brought you here. They were trying to help you get your life back. Stop looking back fondly at your PMO past like there was no guilt and no big problem. If there was no problem you wouldn't even be here and you wouldn't be writing "I will try to do a reboot again. Tommorow will be my day 1." Your addict brain is BSing you. Be strong and commit to this. PMO addiction leads nowhere good.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on July 15, 2018, 09:09:15 AM
Hello again,

last days were fluctuating. I have problems to control myself properly. On the one hand I feel that PMO is in some way bad for me but on the other I look for researches that deny this.

Honestly guys, sometimes I really regret that I found yourbrainonporn and this forum... I know that this website enlightened me but except for porn caused problem it triggers sense of guilt after PMO which I haven't had before I found this website.

I will try to do a reboot again. Tommorow will be my day 1.
That's your addict brain looking for excuses to let you go back to PMO. But it's too late, you can't unlearn what you have learned. You will never go back to guilt free PMO, and the reason you even learned about this stuff is because PMO was damaging your life. Forget fantasies like, "I wish I never knew", because that can't be done. And if you never knew, you might also end up with total PIED and a life that's lacking in any direction or purpose. That's what P-addicts have to look forward to. It doesn't end well for any addict.

Trust in the instincts that brought you here. They were trying to help you get your life back. Stop looking back fondly at your PMO past like there was no guilt and no big problem. If there was no problem you wouldn't even be here and you wouldn't be writing "I will try to do a reboot again. Tommorow will be my day 1." Your addict brain is BSing you. Be strong and commit to this. PMO addiction leads nowhere good.

words of wisdom.

What can I say, my day 1 will be tommorow. I'm going to put a different number each day, not many words.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on July 19, 2018, 12:44:58 PM
4
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on November 11, 2018, 09:21:03 AM
A year has passed since the day I started my journal here. Around 12 years since I started PMO. Honestly I didn't make any progress - still fapping, still can't control myself properly. I would like to rerun my reboot, I will post my progress everyday. Let's start with first goal: 30 days PMO free. Why not 90 or more? Because small steps are easier and as I know from past rebooting, first month is the hardest one.

Take care.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: Johnny Trailer on November 11, 2018, 10:57:20 AM
A year has passed since the day I started my journal here. Around 12 years since I started PMO. Honestly I didn't make any progress - still fapping, still can't control myself properly. I would like to rerun my reboot, I will post my progress everyday. Let's start with first goal: 30 days PMO free. Why not 90 or more? Because small steps are easier and as I know from past rebooting, first month is the hardest one.

Take care.
never give up
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on November 13, 2018, 06:29:45 PM
day 2 (28 days to the first step)

It's the beginning of my reboot. Today I had some cravings because I was alone at home but it's not so hard to overcome them.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on November 16, 2018, 08:46:20 AM
Day 5 (25 days to the first step)

Until now not so hard. I had craving obviously but I know the feeling and I'm prepared (trying to distract attentiong when it's coming)
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on November 23, 2018, 08:24:59 AM
Day 12 (18 days to the first step)

Originally I've assumed that I would update my journal every day but nothing special happened during previous days. Really interesting and valuable for me is to track my previous journal and compare single days of reboot. I can draw a conclusion that present reboot is really similar, I had also not so hard days 1-9 but last days are more difficult because my brain's just started to want a P. I had dreams about PMO and sex and also I'm more responsive to all stimuli like YT videos and adverts.

Best luck to all of you.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on December 13, 2018, 05:28:44 AM
32 days (the first step took)

So, it's more than a month without PMO. I am hopeful about the future. It's not very hard during this reboot, but obviously I have some ups and downs. I MO'ed three times during last two weeks so it's not a hardmode but it works for me.

Take care
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on June 10, 2019, 07:37:04 AM
Do you know this meme" 'ah shit, here we go again'

So I'm again here and it's a fucking vicious circle.

1st stage -> porn is awful, I have to change my life, it's going in the wrong direction
2nd stage -> yee' it's going better, I'm clean, maybe sometimes more horny but not so bad
3rd stage -> ok, i'm already quite fine, i suppose porn is not so bad and i'm not addicted, so maybe i'll use it time to time
4th stage -> oh shit, here we go again

I just PMO'ed and it's my day 0. I'll update this journal every fucking day. Please give me some motivation. Because all what I see here is that almost everyone is constatly failing.

Cheers
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: Lero on June 10, 2019, 08:16:54 AM
Quitting P is hard, that's why some of us here keep relapsing. Motivation comes from following the plan. Anytime you do something better, anytime you don't repeat the same mistake, anytime you identify the trigger, anytime you catch yourself before doing it and get over it... All those things should be your motivation. If you don't find motivation inside you, all the motivation from others won't be enough. Strength comes from practice. Every little progress is progress. And we need patience because it takes time. A relapse is not the end of the world, it is an opportunity to identify triggers and mistakes. Every loss is an invitation to train harder and play better in the next match. Sure, it's great to win the World Cup at the first participation but, in general, we need a few tries.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: jixu on June 10, 2019, 08:51:07 AM
Dusty, that brilliant 4 stage analysis is succinct yet it basically encapsulates the reality of the journey.  it is easy to get pulled down between stage 2 and 3.  Thanks, and congratulations on coming back and dealing with reality.   
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on June 12, 2019, 02:22:33 AM
Thank you guys for your replies!

it's my second day of new beautiful journey.  ;)
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: deminounrae on June 12, 2019, 07:15:10 AM
Hi man. I just finished reading all of your journal and I can say that we are very very similar. I know how much the journal is important and I failed just like you. I'm currently on day 3.

Here's my propose we write to each other to keep motivated. That's right I don't know you and you don't know me but we both have a common goal. If you want a partner in this to be more motivated well I'm here if you want... Your choice

Here's my journal for you to read:
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=16687.0
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: achilles heel on June 12, 2019, 01:51:42 PM
Do you know this meme" 'ah shit, here we go again'

So I'm again here and it's a fucking vicious circle.

1st stage -> porn is awful, I have to change my life, it's going in the wrong direction
2nd stage -> yee' it's going better, I'm clean, maybe sometimes more horny but not so bad
3rd stage -> ok, i'm already quite fine, i suppose porn is not so bad and i'm not addicted, so maybe i'll use it time to time
4th stage -> oh shit, here we go again

I just PMO'ed and it's my day 0. I'll update this journal every fucking day. Please give me some motivation. Because all what I see here is that almost everyone is constatly failing.

Cheers

You didn't fail when you went 85 and 42 days without porn because of using porn again afterwards. You already experienced more freedom (despite cravings and withdrawals) and made more use of your valuable lifetime than sitting in front of your computer watching other people have sex while masturbating. Those were 85/42 days of your life you WON.

I know the stage 3/stage 4 problem, my problems are not as present anymore and I can't imagine how shitty I felt for relapsing on porn. But instead of being thankful for having advanced, we tend to lower our guards and underestimate this addiction.

Think about what troubles you, what leads to relapses and what behaviours/situations to avoid. Set up as much restrictions as possible, write here every day and set a small goal of a few days for the beginning to get back on track.

You do read a lot about failure because this isn't an easy way and most people give up. If you just don't give up it's the first step towards succeeding. Learn from your mistakes and use your experience and you can make it! All the best for you!  :)
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on June 13, 2019, 06:00:56 AM
Do you know this meme" 'ah shit, here we go again'

So I'm again here and it's a fucking vicious circle.

1st stage -> porn is awful, I have to change my life, it's going in the wrong direction
2nd stage -> yee' it's going better, I'm clean, maybe sometimes more horny but not so bad
3rd stage -> ok, i'm already quite fine, i suppose porn is not so bad and i'm not addicted, so maybe i'll use it time to time
4th stage -> oh shit, here we go again

I just PMO'ed and it's my day 0. I'll update this journal every fucking day. Please give me some motivation. Because all what I see here is that almost everyone is constatly failing.

Cheers

You didn't fail when you went 85 and 42 days without porn because of using porn again afterwards. You already experienced more freedom (despite cravings and withdrawals) and made more use of your valuable lifetime than sitting in front of your computer watching other people have sex while masturbating. Those were 85/42 days of your life you WON.

I know the stage 3/stage 4 problem, my problems are not as present anymore and I can't imagine how shitty I felt for relapsing on porn. But instead of being thankful for having advanced, we tend to lower our guards and underestimate this addiction.

Think about what troubles you, what leads to relapses and what behaviours/situations to avoid. Set up as much restrictions as possible, write here every day and set a small goal of a few days for the beginning to get back on track.

You do read a lot about failure because this isn't an easy way and most people give up. If you just don't give up it's the first step towards succeeding. Learn from your mistakes and use your experience and you can make it! All the best for you!  :)

Many thanks Achilles. You're more experienced and determined so I'll try to benefit from your strategies.

It's a 3rd day. Beginning but I'm happy to be here again. I think that positive attitude will be useful. It's not a war, it's a remedy and a peace for my soul. Yep, that was deep.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on June 14, 2019, 12:50:46 PM
4th day and the beginning was really bad. I mean i had no urges to PMO but I felt kind of depressed. Not sure if it's connected to reboot or bad sleep because of the heat. But now it's better and i'm pretty laid-back. I'll do some jogging for sure and spend the evening with my gf.

take care
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on June 16, 2019, 08:04:20 AM
6th day and now i'm in really good mood. Yesterday was not so nice but only in the first half of the day. Thankfully I don't have any hard urges.

I'll try to stay happy and focus on benefits of no PMO!  :D
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: Lero on June 17, 2019, 04:29:18 AM
That's awesome, man. Soon it will be your first week completed. If you could go 1 week, you could go 2.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: BlueHeronFan on June 17, 2019, 07:28:17 PM
Just wanted to second what Achilles said. A relapse is only a total loss if you don't learn from it. Don't fool yourself into thinking that everything you've done up to now is wasted just because you slipped again. All of that learning and progress still counts.

Also, I know that a lot of my relapses have come because I thought I was "cured" and started to get lazy with taking care of myself. Lately, I've been working on keeping my guard up one day at a time and not thinking that I'm "cured" just because I went without PMO for a month. A month is not much compared to years of addiction, so I don't think feeling cured is very helpful. There's always a risk, and we always have to be careful. But we can only control today.

Long story short, congrats on going the day without PMO. Now just focus on getting through tomorrow. We'll get there a day at a time.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: Lero on June 18, 2019, 03:20:35 AM
Just wanted to second what Achilles said. A relapse is only a total loss if you don't learn from it. Don't fool yourself into thinking that everything you've done up to now is wasted just because you slipped again. All of that learning and progress still counts.

Also, I know that a lot of my relapses have come because I thought I was "cured" and started to get lazy with taking care of myself. Lately, I've been working on keeping my guard up one day at a time and not thinking that I'm "cured" just because I went without PMO for a month. A month is not much compared to years of addiction, so I don't think feeling cured is very helpful. There's always a risk, and we always have to be careful. But we can only control today.

Long story short, congrats on going the day without PMO. Now just focus on getting through tomorrow. We'll get there a day at a time.

I don't think it's a good idea to ever consider yourself "cured". We will never be "pre-porn people" again. Paths have been created in our brains. We could slip one day and go back to it. You hear about former alcoholics going back to drinking after years. It's not really that simple. We are not people who have never binged porn. If you think you are healed now, you might let your guard down, you might think triggers are nothing now, you might think you could handle the triggers until you see yourself "remembering" the pleasure.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on June 18, 2019, 06:12:41 AM
Thank you guys for your replies and the discussion. For me it depends on that how we understand the definition of being cured. Honestly I don't think that we will be able to ever use porn in healthy way. But we can be cured in normal life. No more treating women as a toys. appreciate higher values, don't think in the porn way about sex and so on.

8th day. Yesterday I had problem with erection and wasn't able to have sex with my gf. It's really annoying during a reboot because when I PMO it never happens. Should not it be reversly? Nevermind. I'm in a good mood and keep going :D
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: Lero on June 18, 2019, 06:42:35 AM
Thank you guys for your replies and the discussion. For me it depends on that how we understand the definition of being cured. Honestly I don't think that we will be able to ever use porn in healthy way. But we can be cured in normal life. No more treating women as a toys. appreciate higher values, don't think in the porn way about sex and so on.

8th day. Yesterday I had problem with erection and wasn't able to have sex with my gf. It's really annoying during a reboot because when I PMO it never happens. Should not it be reversly? Nevermind. I'm in a good mood and keep going :D

Ah yes, I think it's fair to say it comes down to our own individual definition for being cured. In my case, I would not like to call myself "cured" because I could never look at P again and just walk away as if nothing happened. It could "remember" me of all the fun and pleasure and I could easily go back to my addiction. For me, not considering myself cured would help me be careful. Maybe that's what the guys want to say when they talk about not considering yourself cured. But now, whatever works for you, this is what you should do. And whatever definition you want to have.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: deminounrae on June 18, 2019, 07:53:05 AM


8th day. Yesterday I had problem with erection and wasn't able to have sex with my gf. It's really annoying during a reboot because when I PMO it never happens. Should not it be reversly? Nevermind. I'm in a good mood and keep going :D

Good job man, don't think about it. This is a stiff shot but time will heal everything, and when the time will be right it will be so much satisfying. Keep going strong.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on June 19, 2019, 04:01:00 AM
Lero, you're right. But now I don't think and delibarate about porn. It was disastrous path for me in the past to search opinions, researches. Only what I know it's PMO is bad for me. I'm not sure if you can call it an addiction or compulsive using, nevermind. It fucks my brain and i'm sure about it.

Thanks deminounrae! Indeed, yesterday I had sex and it was really satisfying.
9th day and I'm good, yep. Really happy to be among you guys.

Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on June 21, 2019, 04:53:11 AM
11th day and everything is quite nice. I had sex last day and feel an arousal but it's under control. Next day - next chapter in my journey.

Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: achilles heel on June 21, 2019, 11:48:10 PM
Good to see you're back on track again, 11 days is a good achievement already!  :)
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on June 24, 2019, 04:44:56 AM
Good to see you're back on track again, 11 days is a good achievement already!  :)

Many thanks Achilles! Yep, my reboot is going fine and it's 14th day now. Two weeks without porn and I started to see benefits. I know it fluctuates but now i'm more relaxed, feel a deeper connection with my gf so it's really good  :)
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on June 25, 2019, 06:55:13 AM
15th day. All good, happy to do this reboot.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: Lero on June 25, 2019, 08:08:12 AM
It seems like things are starting to move well.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: achilles heel on June 25, 2019, 11:46:14 PM
Good to see you're back on track again, 11 days is a good achievement already!  :)

Many thanks Achilles! Yep, my reboot is going fine and it's 14th day now. Two weeks without porn and I started to see benefits. I know it fluctuates but now i'm more relaxed, feel a deeper connection with my gf so it's really good  :)

Great!  :)

Just don't expect too much in terms of benefits and you will be fine. If you made it two weeks, you can make it three and more! Keep going!
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on June 28, 2019, 02:25:55 AM
Thank you guys!

18th day and i mo'ed yesterday but everything is under control. Expect that i'm doing well.  :D
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: Thank you for all that you do for me on June 28, 2019, 06:05:02 AM
Hi dusty, I hope that you have even better days. Good luck on your journey. You seem to passionate and driven, nothing is going to stop you. I mean it :)
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on July 01, 2019, 03:40:18 AM
Hi dusty, I hope that you have even better days. Good luck on your journey. You seem to passionate and driven, nothing is going to stop you. I mean it :)

Thank you man!

DAY 21, so 3 weeks without PMO. I'm happy and feel good and chilled!
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: Thank you for all that you do for me on July 01, 2019, 04:45:36 AM
Thank you for having the courage and dedication to stay the course when most people would probably give up.
I want you to know that I am thinking of you and wishing you the best. I can’t even explain how proud of you I am. With every day I admire you even more, I don’t think there is anything you cannot do. You’re amazing  :)
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: achilles heel on July 01, 2019, 03:01:43 PM
DAY 21, so 3 weeks without PMO. I'm happy and feel good and chilled!

That's impressive, hope you keep the right track!  :)
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on July 04, 2019, 08:37:34 AM
Thank you guys so much! :D

24th day and I mo'ed because had stronger cravings. Anyway i feel much better comparing to the previous reboots. I feel that's the right thing to do for 100%. I dream about porn free life.

Good luck to everyone  :)
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: Do or die on July 04, 2019, 10:48:19 AM
Hey dont let your cravings fall you down.
Defeat your urges.  If you are relapsing then you need to know importance of success
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: achilles heel on July 04, 2019, 12:32:32 PM
I dream about porn free life.

Start living the dream! You can make it!  :)
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on July 05, 2019, 03:22:08 AM
25th day. Thank you guys.

Yep, Achilles, i'm going for it  ;)

i'm in a good mood, everything is just fine. Had a dream about sex but not a wet one.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: Thank you for all that you do for me on July 06, 2019, 06:24:54 AM
You're thought of, remembered, and happily wished an especially wonderful day!
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on July 09, 2019, 04:18:31 AM
29th day and almost a full month without PMO. It's a good reboot and I hope that i'll be free in the close future.  :D

Last days were a little harder because of arousal but it's not a really hard fight. When some p-related thoughts cross my mind I simply try to think about sth else or how porn is bad for me.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: Lero on July 09, 2019, 07:40:07 AM
29th day and almost a full month without PMO. It's a good reboot and I hope that i'll be free in the close future.  :D

Last days were a little harder because of arousal but it's not a really hard fight. When some p-related thoughts cross my mind I simply try to think about sth else or how porn is bad for me.

God damn awesome achievement so far, man! Keep going.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on July 10, 2019, 04:12:06 AM
Do you know this meme" 'ah shit, here we go again'

So I'm again here and it's a fucking vicious circle.

1st stage -> porn is awful, I have to change my life, it's going in the wrong direction
2nd stage -> yee' it's going better, I'm clean, maybe sometimes more horny but not so bad
3rd stage -> ok, i'm already quite fine, i suppose porn is not so bad and i'm not addicted, so maybe i'll use it time to time
4th stage -> oh shit, here we go again

I just PMO'ed and it's my day 0. I'll update this journal every fucking day. Please give me some motivation. Because all what I see here is that almost everyone is constatly failing.

Cheers

30th day and I've just noticed that 3rd stage is coming, hahaha :D Today I was thinking that PMO is not so bad and everyone does it. But I can't be scammed by my brain tricks!

Happy to have a full month without p!
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: Lero on July 10, 2019, 04:34:39 AM
Do you know this meme" 'ah shit, here we go again'

So I'm again here and it's a fucking vicious circle.

1st stage -> porn is awful, I have to change my life, it's going in the wrong direction
2nd stage -> yee' it's going better, I'm clean, maybe sometimes more horny but not so bad
3rd stage -> ok, i'm already quite fine, i suppose porn is not so bad and i'm not addicted, so maybe i'll use it time to time
4th stage -> oh shit, here we go again

I just PMO'ed and it's my day 0. I'll update this journal every fucking day. Please give me some motivation. Because all what I see here is that almost everyone is constatly failing.

Cheers

30th day and I've just noticed that 3rd stage is coming, hahaha :D Today I was thinking that PMO is not so bad and everyone does it. But I can't be scammed by my brain tricks!

Happy to have a full month without p!

The brain does this trick to us and makes us feel that the "pain from back then" is just a distant memory now. I've noticed this anytime I swore I wasn't going to drink against after the hardest hangover ever, only to miss alcohol and think about the fun 1 month later.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on July 10, 2019, 05:34:35 AM
Do you know this meme" 'ah shit, here we go again'

So I'm again here and it's a fucking vicious circle.

1st stage -> porn is awful, I have to change my life, it's going in the wrong direction
2nd stage -> yee' it's going better, I'm clean, maybe sometimes more horny but not so bad
3rd stage -> ok, i'm already quite fine, i suppose porn is not so bad and i'm not addicted, so maybe i'll use it time to time
4th stage -> oh shit, here we go again

I just PMO'ed and it's my day 0. I'll update this journal every fucking day. Please give me some motivation. Because all what I see here is that almost everyone is constatly failing.

Cheers

30th day and I've just noticed that 3rd stage is coming, hahaha :D Today I was thinking that PMO is not so bad and everyone does it. But I can't be scammed by my brain tricks!

Happy to have a full month without p!

The brain does this trick to us and makes us feel that the "pain from back then" is just a distant memory now. I've noticed this anytime I swore I wasn't going to drink against after the hardest hangover ever, only to miss alcohol and think about the fun 1 month later.

Thanks Lero, you're right. Our brain is a sneaky bitch sometimes :D Although it sounds ridiculous  we need to outsmart our brain sometimes
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: Thank you for all that you do for me on July 11, 2019, 05:50:38 AM
You are more important than your mistakes. You are always, always more important than your mistakes  :)

i know i could be more realistic and say " I hope you have an okay day" or "I hope you don't have a bad day" But they're my hopes, and i'm allowed to hope for anything i want! And i hope you have a great day today! A FANTASTIC day! A DOWNRIGHT AMAZING day!         ... and you can't stop me!
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: achilles heel on July 13, 2019, 05:50:41 AM
30th day and I've just noticed that 3rd stage is coming, hahaha :D Today I was thinking that PMO is not so bad and everyone does it. But I can't be scammed by my brain tricks!

Happy to have a full month without p!

Congratulations! Amazing progress and good to see you anticipate the tricks your brain plays, stay aware and keep going!  :)
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on July 15, 2019, 04:32:43 AM
Thank you guys, you're motivating me so much  8)

35th day so 5 weeks without PMO. It's not so bad, I had a little more cravings lately but nothing which i can't cope. Very happy to have this streak!
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: Thank you for all that you do for me on July 16, 2019, 08:02:02 AM
I see you struggle everyday, just know that you are loved and the you are killing it everyday
You are so strong, and I know you try so hard to do your best- and it IS good enough  ;D
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on July 22, 2019, 07:01:51 AM
I'm so sorry guys, but I relapsed yesterday. It's mostly because of the fact that I'm at my home which reminds me of PMO so much.

IN SHORT: It started in the evening when I was reading articles about P, I think I started to look on purpose for articles which are against the theory of porn addiction. After that I lost my self-control and gave myself a permission to PMO.

I'm counting yesterday as a day 0, so my reboot lasted 42 days. It's not a length of which I could be especially proud but it's my second best streak anyway. I don't panic and I hope that this time gave my brain a lot of bemefits. Therefore I start counting like this is my:

Day 42.1

to keep my motivation.

Be stronger than me friends, good luck.

1,5 year ago and i'm here again. BUT WITHOUT RELAPSE. So it's going to be a better reboot for sure.


BUT last days weren't good guys.

I had opressive thoughts about porn and sex. Not the very hard cravings but constant and tiring. My mood is much worser than at the beginning of the reboot and I don't see any benefits. But i keep going.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: squid on July 22, 2019, 09:38:08 AM
I'm so sorry guys, but I relapsed yesterday. It's mostly because of the fact that I'm at my home which reminds me of PMO so much.

IN SHORT: It started in the evening when I was reading articles about P, I think I started to look on purpose for articles which are against the theory of porn addiction. After that I lost my self-control and gave myself a permission to PMO.

I'm counting yesterday as a day 0, so my reboot lasted 42 days. It's not a length of which I could be especially proud but it's my second best streak anyway. I don't panic and I hope that this time gave my brain a lot of bemefits. Therefore I start counting like this is my:

Day 42.1

to keep my motivation.

Be stronger than me friends, good luck.

1,5 year ago and i'm here again. BUT WITHOUT RELAPSE. So it's going to be a better reboot for sure.


BUT last days weren't good guys.

I had opressive thoughts about porn and sex. Not the very hard cravings but constant and tiring. My mood is much worser than at the beginning of the reboot and I don't see any benefits. But i keep going.

Stay the course sir, stay the course!  You're doing so well.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: Johnny Trailer on July 23, 2019, 02:41:33 PM
1,5 year ago and i'm here again. BUT WITHOUT RELAPSE. So it's going to be a better reboot for sure.


BUT last days weren't good guys.

I had opressive thoughts about porn and sex. Not the very hard cravings but constant and tiring. My mood is much worser than at the beginning of the reboot and I don't see any benefits. But i keep going.
what do you mean by this? you are currently 1.5 years without relapse? what you mean by last days? do you mean last few days?
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: achilles heel on July 23, 2019, 02:52:45 PM
1,5 year ago and i'm here again. BUT WITHOUT RELAPSE. So it's going to be a better reboot for sure.


BUT last days weren't good guys.

I had opressive thoughts about porn and sex. Not the very hard cravings but constant and tiring. My mood is much worser than at the beginning of the reboot and I don't see any benefits. But i keep going.
what do you mean by this? you are currently 1.5 years without relapse? what you mean by last days? do you mean last few days?

I guess he means he reached 42 days clean after 1.5 years again, but relapsed that same day the last time he made it this far...

Congratulations on that huge success, dusty!  :)
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on July 24, 2019, 02:31:29 AM
Thank you guys!

Yes, exactly Achilles, I meant what you wrote. 1,5 year ago I had a streak of 42 days but relapsed.

Now it's my 44th day without PMO. So it's my second best streak in life.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on July 30, 2019, 07:21:42 AM
50th day. I had hard moments during the weekend but it's a little bit easier for me to control myself after these 7 weeks without p. I haven't seen a spectacular effects already but it's possible that they'll never come. It could be a slow, constant process and some day I will realise what happened and think "fuck, i'm a different man"  ;D

Cheers
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: achilles heel on July 30, 2019, 01:57:47 PM
50th day. I had hard moments during the weekend but it's a little bit easier for me to control myself after these 7 weeks without p. I haven't seen a spectacular effects already but it's possible that they'll never come. It could be a slow, constant process and some day I will realise what happened and think "fuck, i'm a different man"  ;D

Cheers

That's the right way, don't let high expectations make you doubt your way. Step by step you'll become who you want to be.  :)
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: squid on July 30, 2019, 04:44:46 PM
50th day. I had hard moments during the weekend but it's a little bit easier for me to control myself after these 7 weeks without p. I haven't seen a spectacular effects already but it's possible that they'll never come. It could be a slow, constant process and some day I will realise what happened and think "fuck, i'm a different man"  ;D

Cheers

This happened to me when I did my 5 month long backpacking trip.  I felt pretty much the same until one day my backpack hip belt kept falling off and I went to tighten it and realized it didn't go any tighter.  I lost 30 pounds without realizing it just by taking things one small piece at a time.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on July 31, 2019, 03:16:31 AM
Thank you squid and achilles. I appreciate your presence here :)
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on August 05, 2019, 07:28:12 AM
56th day. I think that i've just started to see some benefits in my mind and approach to life. Not sure if it's connected with the reboot but i suppose it is. I'm a little bit more relaxed and I also care about my family much more. It's so great to feel much more than a constant arousal  ;D

Best wishes guys
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: achilles heel on August 05, 2019, 10:40:34 AM
The benefits are related, you are doing awesome! Almost two months complete!  :)
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: Lero on August 05, 2019, 02:27:46 PM
56th day. I think that i've just started to see some benefits in my mind and approach to life. Not sure if it's connected with the reboot but i suppose it is. I'm a little bit more relaxed and I also care about my family much more. It's so great to feel much more than a constant arousal  ;D

Best wishes guys

I don't know if it's just me but, after giving a rest to my dopamine for 2 weeks, I started liking some things more. I found myself doing something and feeling like I enjoyed it so much. I said: "Why am I enjoying this so much, man? In the past I would've barely touched it." Maybe by giving the dopamine a rest from all the abuse, it could do it's job better.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on August 08, 2019, 08:35:50 AM
Thank you guys. Yes - abstaining from dopamine rush is crucial during reboot. Maybe it's crucial in life generally, hmmm

60th day. I'm very happy to be clean from PMO for two months. Caravings are much smaller and I've started to be happier a few days ago. I'm not sure if it's strictly connected with the reboot but i think so. it remains to be seen what the future holds, anyway i'm happy now&here.

Good luck to all of you
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: Lero on August 08, 2019, 08:53:52 AM
Thank you guys. Yes - abstaining from dopamine rush is crucial during reboot. Maybe it's crucial in life generally, hmmm

60th day. I'm very happy to be clean from PMO for two months. Caravings are much smaller and I've started to be happier a few days ago. I'm not sure if it's strictly connected with the reboot but i think so. it remains to be seen what the future holds, anyway i'm happy now&here.

Good luck to all of you

Excess kills you. Maybe not now but in time. Porn is slow death. Slow emotional death. Porn will never kill you but, if you wake up one day and feel "dead", that's what I'm talking about. Too much is poison. Even water kills, when drank too much (go check this out). Too much dopamine "kills". Keep dopamine in normal levels. Some things are designed to give us just enough dopamine. Porn is not this.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: achilles heel on August 09, 2019, 10:47:49 AM
Two months are really great, seems like you are on the right track, keep going!  :)
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on August 13, 2019, 06:37:10 AM
Thank you guys!

64th day and some cravings are coming back. Like WTF, why? Probably because i MO'ed yesterday, so I don't really recommend that during reboot. But on the other hand it's really helpful, especially in the first days of quitting porn (for me, maybe not for everyone). Today I'll just avoid triggers and it's going to be ok. 9 weeks without p is great!

Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: Lero on August 13, 2019, 08:24:48 AM
Good job, man. Awesome progress.

I MO-ed too, on Sunday, and it put me into a flatline-like state. I haven't had urges for 2 days.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on August 20, 2019, 02:09:08 AM
71st day without PMO. Last days were quite hard. I still have a feeling that reboot doesn't have a huge impact on my life as I thought before DAY 1. I know that these days are only numbers and that process isn't linear but I still have some doubts.

Anyway more than 10 weeks without P is a big success and i keep going! :)
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: Lero on August 20, 2019, 04:16:41 AM
71st day without PMO. Last days were quite hard. I still have a feeling that reboot doesn't have a huge impact on my life as I thought before DAY 1. I know that these days are only numbers and that process isn't linear but I still have some doubts.

Anyway more than 10 weeks without P is a big success and i keep going! :)

Amazing, Dusty! 71 days is substantial progress. Rebooting definitely has an impact on your life but maybe you're expecting other things? Think about it, porn is poison so getting rid of it goes without saying, before anything else.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on August 26, 2019, 07:46:27 AM
Thank you Lero!

77th day. It's pretty ok. Sometimes I have some urges but they are not so hard to overcome. Probably I'm more relaxed but I'm not sure about this. What I usually do is observing myself and comparing my mood and behaviour to the time before the reboot.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: achilles heel on August 26, 2019, 12:33:40 PM
It's important to keep that in mind to remain aware of the progress that happened, keep going, you've come very far yet!  :)
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on September 03, 2019, 11:24:07 AM
85th day. I'm on vacation so don't have time to write. Keep going.

Take care :D
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on September 10, 2019, 03:55:06 AM
92nd day. The longest streak without P probably since I've first seen my first p movie. Yep, I see some benefits. I feel healthier. Nothing really special, but it's better to be free from compulsive PMOing like a teenager  ;D

It's not a hard mode, I MO time to time. Maybe once a week. I also have sex with my GF.

Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on September 11, 2019, 08:05:09 AM
93rd day. I saw porn for 10 seconds today. Read an article about one of the p webite filmed a movie about beach pollution. There was a link to p video and clicked it. I don't count this as a relapse because i shut off the site quickly. Anyway it's a red flag for me surely. It's probably because I have no motivating goal after 90 days completed...
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: squid on September 11, 2019, 09:20:12 AM
I'd be very careful dude, definitely stay busy for the next few weeks.  You're in a danger zone.  Stay positive and keep doing the good habits that got you this far.  You can do it!
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on September 12, 2019, 06:58:37 AM
Thank you squid! It means a lot for me. Today is a better day and I'm going for 100 days now!  :D
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on September 13, 2019, 08:18:30 AM
95th day. Have a great day today :D
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on September 18, 2019, 09:03:06 AM
100th day. So happy to be PMO free for one hundred days. I feel better, less timid, my social anxiety is lower for sure. Changes are not spectacular for sure but I think it's a great thing to live without frequent PMOing. I have some thoughts about reboot and porn to share but need some more time to get that down here.

Best luck guys
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: Free-man on September 18, 2019, 09:28:07 AM
Wow! Congrats Dusty!
It's an awesome number
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: Arthur2 on September 18, 2019, 10:24:58 AM
Quote
100th day. So happy to be PMO free for one hundred days. I feel better, less timid, my social anxiety is lower for sure. Changes are not spectacular for sure but I think it's a great thing to live without frequent PMOing. I have some thoughts about reboot and porn to share but need some more time to get that down here.

Hello dusty. Congratulations for making it so far.
Stay on the course and be strong.

Maybe you havnt experienced as many benefits as you expected because you still MO ?
Something to consider.

Also i am looking forward to read what you have to say about reboot and P.

Best regards.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: squid on September 18, 2019, 03:49:53 PM
Congratulations dusty!  Just be careful for the next few weeks though, from reading other people's journals, a lot of people slip around day 100-113.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on September 20, 2019, 06:57:28 AM
Thank you so much guys! 102nd day

I'll try to write sth more during this weekend
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: Lero on September 20, 2019, 08:45:41 AM
God damn, man! 100 fucking days, this is wow!
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: Do or die on September 20, 2019, 10:12:03 PM
This is big achievement. Congratulations
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on September 27, 2019, 02:11:50 PM
Ok, so the streak is over and I PMO'd in day 106th. Probably now it'll be really hard to be back on track. Anyway I'm not angry. I'm proud of this long streak  :)

Why did it happen?

a) I was drunk and had no control over my behaviour
b) actually it started much earlier:

I had more than 90 days without PMO and I didn't see real benefits. After that I've reached over 100 days and nothing happened. The problem is we all love wathing p here and if you don't see the huge advantages of being clear it's so hard to be always motivated. Probably I noticed some slight changes but I wasn't even sure because as you know there are always better days.

What can be the conclusion about that?

a) 100 days are nothing and I sholud go for example at least 2 years to see some gains.
b) the hard mode is the only way and if I MO'ed it's not a proper reboot
c) the reboot never gives you huge benefits
d) it depends on a person and all of my 'theories' are bullshit

Anyway I'd like to think about my next reboot. How can I maintain my motviation after 3 months? It's really a crucial thing and please guys, be cautious, especially after reaching these magic 90 days.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: Lero on September 27, 2019, 03:05:02 PM
Ok, so the streak is over and I PMO'd in day 106th. Probably now it'll be really hard to be back on track. Anyway I'm not angry. I'm proud of this long streak  :)

Why did it happen?

a) I was drunk and had no control over my behaviour

I won't start with saying stuff like "Man, I'm sorry for your relapse" and I will say instead: Damn, man, 105 days without PMO is a big success. Your attitude is the right one. Don't focus on "losing 105 days", focus on having reached that number of days. It's not like your progress is completely gone after so many days, as long as you don't engage in a stupid 5 times a day binge (slap me here). As we can see, alcohol was the problem in your case too. It seems that it's a problem with P addicts. It gives us that "I don't care" attitude. This is how I lost my beloved 40 days streak. I literally told myself, out loud in front of the computer: "Man, you will regret this. You will lose 40 days. You want to binge." But I was so numbed by alcohol that I didn't care, I couldn't feel any remorse, any worries, any fear for what I was going to do. I knew I was going to regret it the next day but I didn't care about it. Did I stop drinking? No. I relapsed 3 more times because of alcohol. It was that situation like: "Man, how many times will you repeat the same fucking mistake? Did I tell you the definition of insanity?" I've made the decision to completely stay away from alcohol after I lost a 1 week streak after drinking... just 1 beer. That's right. Can you believe this? I literally can't drink when the streak gets bigger. I relapsed after drinking 1 beer, after drinking 2 beers, so not a big amount of alcohol and I still relapsed.

Quote
I had more than 90 days without PMO and I didn't see real benefits. After that I've reached over 100 days and nothing happened. The problem is we all love wathing p here and if you don't see the huge advantages of being clear it's so hard to be always motivated. Probably I noticed some slight changes but I wasn't even sure because as you know there are always better days.

Man, I don't know, maybe you are a particular case. Feeling no benefits after so long? You post in the 20-29 age section so you are not 50 years old or something. This thing is pretty difficult because, yes, like you said, what motivation should you have when you don't really feel benefits. In my case, only 3 weeks hard mode were enough to make me feel pretty great. Or maybe you felt benefits but expected something else and didn't pay attention? I don't know what to say. You see, sometimes porn is not the only cause of our misery. We might look at it like: "I feel like this because of porn" but there could be other things making you feel bad. I don't know what to say. But anyway, you made it to 100 days, man, you know you can do it, you know what you have to do. Getting the momentum back could be a little tough in the beginning. I made it to 40 days but now, after so many days, I still haven't been able to go past 10 days. I don't know what happens.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on October 03, 2019, 08:43:46 AM
Thank you Lero!

I think that after some time of the reboot I'm starting to forget what is the REAL benefit. So I was claer for last 6 days and PMO'd today twice. After that I'm feeling the emptiness.

It's so hard to describe. I don't know guys if you know this kind of feeling. It's like being hopeless, empty as fuck and simultaneously don't care about anything. And i have to stress it: I NEVER have this kind of feeling drugin reboot. Yep, I'm sad sometimes, angry time to time but not this specific fucking emptiness.

And if I tell you that I don't see benefits of rebooting please hit me! Please. And remind me about that.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: Lero on October 03, 2019, 08:51:41 AM
Thank you Lero!

I think that after some time of the reboot I'm starting to forget what is the REAL benefit. So I was claer for last 6 days and PMO'd today twice. After that I'm feeling the emptiness.

It's so hard to describe. I don't know guys if you know this kind of feeling. It's like being hopeless, empty as fuck and simultaneously don't care about anything. And i have to stress it: I NEVER have this kind of feeling drugin reboot. Yep, I'm sad sometimes, angry time to time but not this specific fucking emptiness.

And if I tell you that I don't see benefits of rebooting please hit me! Please. And remind me about that.

I don't know, maybe the opposite of this "emptiness" is the benefit.
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: dusty on October 03, 2019, 08:54:44 AM
Thank you Lero!

I think that after some time of the reboot I'm starting to forget what is the REAL benefit. So I was claer for last 6 days and PMO'd today twice. After that I'm feeling the emptiness.

It's so hard to describe. I don't know guys if you know this kind of feeling. It's like being hopeless, empty as fuck and simultaneously don't care about anything. And i have to stress it: I NEVER have this kind of feeling drugin reboot. Yep, I'm sad sometimes, angry time to time but not this specific fucking emptiness.

And if I tell you that I don't see benefits of rebooting please hit me! Please. And remind me about that.

I don't know, maybe the opposite of this "emptiness" is the benefit.

Yep, exaclty, I meant it
Title: Re: The final countdown
Post by: achilles heel on October 03, 2019, 11:52:14 AM
We were in the same boat and roughly same number of days, I relapsed after 100 days, you advanced another week. I can totally relate to your situation now as it really sucks to get up after coming so far. But this long streak wasn't in vain, it showed us that we are capable of 100 days clean. And if we can make it 100 days, we can make it 200 or even a life long!

I really like Lero's definition: We're in search of the opposite of emptiness!

If you ever have any doubts, remind yourself that you reached a level of despair to search an online community of porn addicts to confess your addiction and search for help! We are here because this is destroying our lives and because we wish to get rid of this more than anything else, now what's the benefit? To reach what you most desired for years!