After many streaks (and relapses) under my belt, I feel like stepping out of the battlefield for a second and do some introspection. My apologies for the lengthy post.
First, some backstory; I will try to be as concise and objective as possible.
I am a 34 yo healthy man who has been suffering from ED for as far as my first sexual encounter some 10 years ago. It started when I lost my erection right before penetration, for no apparent reason, as I was hard during foreplay. I didn't give it much thought back then but as the years went by, the problem started getting bigger, more present in my mind while I kept accumulating the break-ups. Didn't know what exactly was the issue until I discovered NoFap 5 years ago.
Although I related to the concept, I didn't find that I was that big of a porn consumer. Even masturbation which I started when I was about 12 wasn't that compulsive, although I had my binging moments, it wasn't as extreme as some of the stories I came across about guys nutting up to twelve times in one night. As for porn, nothing hardcore or disturbing either, just people enjoying intimacy, with a penchant for homemade, amateur, vocal intercourse--not sure why, but I find emotional connection an important component, and more arousing then just two strangers going at it. That's why I wasn't sure my ED was porn-induced, but I still felt hopeful and started reading more and more about it. I also decided to take action starting with my lifestyle and habits--quit smoking, drinking, started eating clean and working out.
I even hit a 4 month streak once, I decided to put myself out there and go on a date. It was disappointing, and I ended up masturbating in the bathroom as that was all I wanted to do, even when this person, even though my penis was limp, I felt so turned-on mentally, but it was like my body wasn't responding, just that needed to masturbate so bad. Whenever I feel turned-on, when I see something sexually arousing, I don't get hard, but rather get a signal from my brain ordering me to go home, put on porn and start masturbating. During my previous dates as well, even when being intimate with someone, wanking with a flaccid penis was what my brain kept telling me to do. Also, during the 4 months streak, there was some peeking, fantasizing, sexting and edging during my 4 month streak--was that what led to no result? During NoFap, do I absolutely need to completely abstain from touching myself, fantasizing, sexting, peeking? Do I date during NoFap or do I have to wait? For how long?
Long story short, I have been NoFapping and relapsing since then. 1 month, 1 week, 2 weeks, then back to porn and masturbation. Porn alone sometimes makes me hard, during the first exposure, then I eventually lose the erection even if I keep watch, and would need to masturbate to get hard again, sometimes quicker than other timer. Same for masturbation, I need to watch porn for it to be really pleasurable.
I do get nocturnal erections, especially during the few first dates of a Nofap streak, and my morning woods are so hard it sometimes feels like I have a log entrapped between my legs. But the funny thing is when I start to masturbate, it's like there is no sensation. I am in my bed, with a strong hard-on, but I feel more pressure than pleasure. I get more feeling of pleasure when I'm masturbating with a 70%/semi-erection while watching porn; I get really hard at the time of climax, then I go flaccid, almost immediately. Could it be that my brain got used to feeling pleasure only with a semi-erect penis than when I am fully hard?
I know I am supposed to visit a doctor, and I have, but I've been given pills and I am trying to know if there's another solution as I see pills as a last resort. I also happen to be gay, so that makes opening up about it to another person not really a comfortable subject for me. I get so frustrated when I listen to my friends talking about their sex life--they watch porn, masturbate, spend hours scrolling down booty profiles on Instagram yet still manage to perform and enjoy sex with a partner. With my dates, the simple fact of touching them makes them aroused and they get so hard and horny; I feel turned-on too but apart from tingles down my waist, my dick doesn't respond. Maybe the shadow of an erection during foreplay, then poof! Sometimes even when I masturbate, I do it with a flaccid penis, it's like my mind and my dick are in two separate places.
Now, is NoFap the answer for me? Do I have PIED? Or is it simply ED and porn isn't responsible. I am still facing huge issues and honestly my life is falling apart, and I don't know where to go, who to ask, or how to muster up the courage to continue. I thought of telling you my story, my fellow fighters, in the hopes that I can get help, or advice or just the honest confirmation that things are going to get better regarding my erectile dysfunction.
Thank you for reading
First, some backstory; I will try to be as concise and objective as possible.
I am a 34 yo healthy man who has been suffering from ED for as far as my first sexual encounter some 10 years ago. It started when I lost my erection right before penetration, for no apparent reason, as I was hard during foreplay. I didn't give it much thought back then but as the years went by, the problem started getting bigger, more present in my mind while I kept accumulating the break-ups. Didn't know what exactly was the issue until I discovered NoFap 5 years ago.
Although I related to the concept, I didn't find that I was that big of a porn consumer. Even masturbation which I started when I was about 12 wasn't that compulsive, although I had my binging moments, it wasn't as extreme as some of the stories I came across about guys nutting up to twelve times in one night. As for porn, nothing hardcore or disturbing either, just people enjoying intimacy, with a penchant for homemade, amateur, vocal intercourse--not sure why, but I find emotional connection an important component, and more arousing then just two strangers going at it. That's why I wasn't sure my ED was porn-induced, but I still felt hopeful and started reading more and more about it. I also decided to take action starting with my lifestyle and habits--quit smoking, drinking, started eating clean and working out.
I even hit a 4 month streak once, I decided to put myself out there and go on a date. It was disappointing, and I ended up masturbating in the bathroom as that was all I wanted to do, even when this person, even though my penis was limp, I felt so turned-on mentally, but it was like my body wasn't responding, just that needed to masturbate so bad. Whenever I feel turned-on, when I see something sexually arousing, I don't get hard, but rather get a signal from my brain ordering me to go home, put on porn and start masturbating. During my previous dates as well, even when being intimate with someone, wanking with a flaccid penis was what my brain kept telling me to do. Also, during the 4 months streak, there was some peeking, fantasizing, sexting and edging during my 4 month streak--was that what led to no result? During NoFap, do I absolutely need to completely abstain from touching myself, fantasizing, sexting, peeking? Do I date during NoFap or do I have to wait? For how long?
Long story short, I have been NoFapping and relapsing since then. 1 month, 1 week, 2 weeks, then back to porn and masturbation. Porn alone sometimes makes me hard, during the first exposure, then I eventually lose the erection even if I keep watch, and would need to masturbate to get hard again, sometimes quicker than other timer. Same for masturbation, I need to watch porn for it to be really pleasurable.
I do get nocturnal erections, especially during the few first dates of a Nofap streak, and my morning woods are so hard it sometimes feels like I have a log entrapped between my legs. But the funny thing is when I start to masturbate, it's like there is no sensation. I am in my bed, with a strong hard-on, but I feel more pressure than pleasure. I get more feeling of pleasure when I'm masturbating with a 70%/semi-erection while watching porn; I get really hard at the time of climax, then I go flaccid, almost immediately. Could it be that my brain got used to feeling pleasure only with a semi-erect penis than when I am fully hard?
I know I am supposed to visit a doctor, and I have, but I've been given pills and I am trying to know if there's another solution as I see pills as a last resort. I also happen to be gay, so that makes opening up about it to another person not really a comfortable subject for me. I get so frustrated when I listen to my friends talking about their sex life--they watch porn, masturbate, spend hours scrolling down booty profiles on Instagram yet still manage to perform and enjoy sex with a partner. With my dates, the simple fact of touching them makes them aroused and they get so hard and horny; I feel turned-on too but apart from tingles down my waist, my dick doesn't respond. Maybe the shadow of an erection during foreplay, then poof! Sometimes even when I masturbate, I do it with a flaccid penis, it's like my mind and my dick are in two separate places.
Now, is NoFap the answer for me? Do I have PIED? Or is it simply ED and porn isn't responsible. I am still facing huge issues and honestly my life is falling apart, and I don't know where to go, who to ask, or how to muster up the courage to continue. I thought of telling you my story, my fellow fighters, in the hopes that I can get help, or advice or just the honest confirmation that things are going to get better regarding my erectile dysfunction.
Thank you for reading
