Hello everyone, frist of all sorry for my english, then even if nobody will read or care about this post, write could help me, so i will write.
I chose this name, ares, because i want to change, in many ways.
Frist of all i want to become a warrior, but why?
I have always gived up. i was a fucking loser, (or i am?) the fact the i were (and for now I still am) a fat guy in italy did not help. here the new generetions have a religion for the beautiful appearance, and a hatred for fat guys.
Rejected after rejected my love life was a disaster, and eventually I looked for help in porn, especially in porn games.
That was a problem, the porn games give me a fetish... whose normal porn could not give me... the corruption.
You see what excited me (and... still does) is that slow gameplay in which you transform the protagonist from an angel, a saint, in a being that is worse than an animal in heat.
I went on for many years like that... untill a 23 years old (yhea laugh all you want ahah) i tried sex and did not get hard.
It was so fucking hard for me (but not for her (a little joke always help ahah),so i went to see porn to understand if everything was ok... i did get hard.. but something was strange...
It could not have been the anxiety .. I went to whores by my own initiative ahahha
I did not get a answer until 10/11 days later, i saw a post on ( can i write a site here?) well a meme site, enemy of reddit, about a guy with PIED so i check it out...
and understood my problem.
That was this summer.
I man up and I decided that I HAD to change... in everything.
i quitted porn, but was hard... very hard.. because i did not have to JUST quit porn.. but quit games too..
In that moment i was like... everything or nothing! so i gived up alcohol, coca cola, smoke
fat food and i started to workout at home.
I tried to change my mindset too.
I... failed with porn.. i.. just waked up after A MONTH ( this September )with my brain telling me... that today..
today the chapter three of a saga of pornographic games that I adored from how perverse they were was coming out.
I failed and it hit me so fucking bad... i stopped everything... but.. i can't figure out what.. made me try again... i just felt like a fuking loser..i wanted to win ONE TIME
i changed my mindset. stop bengin shy MAN THE FUCKING UP, STOP CRYING, FIGHT.
so i started again to workout. now i'm 98kg yes i'm still fat as fuck but i lost 25 kg in 3-4 months, and im still following the diet.
And now i'm at 23 days without porn.. and is hard... THIS NIGHT its so fucking hard. i have morning woods every day i don't know if is good or not... i'm so fucking horny every time.. that I began to fantasize about every woman I can see, not in a vulgar way ... maybe... I think ? .. the true is that is much less vulgar than the old me, but still enough to make a prostitute blush ahaha
I do not know if it's due to excitement or anything but a pretty strange thing (I think?) is that I had an erotic dream about completely dominating a group of people, i said people because there were also some traps beetween them.
And now here i am i want to change i want to FIGHT everything i hate about me,
I was embarrassed to write this post, but I did, I do not even know if I will press "post" .. no I will.
this forum made me writing this post, which made me go through the midnight...
Now its 00:18, 24 days without porn. so..
I feel full of energy (shit I have to sleep at 6 o'clock I have to be at work hahaha), I do not know if later I will be ashamed of something I wrote in this post, I do not care, I do not even care if no one will answer.
Thanks to this.. I can fight another day.
I swear to god, that next summer I will have a spectacular body, I will have overcome this pornografic shit
holy shit is 00:30 good night guys
I swear to god if I dream another orgy..
I chose this name, ares, because i want to change, in many ways.
Frist of all i want to become a warrior, but why?
I have always gived up. i was a fucking loser, (or i am?) the fact the i were (and for now I still am) a fat guy in italy did not help. here the new generetions have a religion for the beautiful appearance, and a hatred for fat guys.
Rejected after rejected my love life was a disaster, and eventually I looked for help in porn, especially in porn games.
That was a problem, the porn games give me a fetish... whose normal porn could not give me... the corruption.
You see what excited me (and... still does) is that slow gameplay in which you transform the protagonist from an angel, a saint, in a being that is worse than an animal in heat.
I went on for many years like that... untill a 23 years old (yhea laugh all you want ahah) i tried sex and did not get hard.
It was so fucking hard for me (but not for her (a little joke always help ahah),so i went to see porn to understand if everything was ok... i did get hard.. but something was strange...
It could not have been the anxiety .. I went to whores by my own initiative ahahha
I did not get a answer until 10/11 days later, i saw a post on ( can i write a site here?) well a meme site, enemy of reddit, about a guy with PIED so i check it out...
and understood my problem.
That was this summer.
I man up and I decided that I HAD to change... in everything.
i quitted porn, but was hard... very hard.. because i did not have to JUST quit porn.. but quit games too..
In that moment i was like... everything or nothing! so i gived up alcohol, coca cola, smoke
fat food and i started to workout at home.
I tried to change my mindset too.
I... failed with porn.. i.. just waked up after A MONTH ( this September )with my brain telling me... that today..
today the chapter three of a saga of pornographic games that I adored from how perverse they were was coming out.
I failed and it hit me so fucking bad... i stopped everything... but.. i can't figure out what.. made me try again... i just felt like a fuking loser..i wanted to win ONE TIME
i changed my mindset. stop bengin shy MAN THE FUCKING UP, STOP CRYING, FIGHT.
so i started again to workout. now i'm 98kg yes i'm still fat as fuck but i lost 25 kg in 3-4 months, and im still following the diet.
And now i'm at 23 days without porn.. and is hard... THIS NIGHT its so fucking hard. i have morning woods every day i don't know if is good or not... i'm so fucking horny every time.. that I began to fantasize about every woman I can see, not in a vulgar way ... maybe... I think ? .. the true is that is much less vulgar than the old me, but still enough to make a prostitute blush ahaha
I do not know if it's due to excitement or anything but a pretty strange thing (I think?) is that I had an erotic dream about completely dominating a group of people, i said people because there were also some traps beetween them.
And now here i am i want to change i want to FIGHT everything i hate about me,
I was embarrassed to write this post, but I did, I do not even know if I will press "post" .. no I will.
this forum made me writing this post, which made me go through the midnight...
Now its 00:18, 24 days without porn. so..
I feel full of energy (shit I have to sleep at 6 o'clock I have to be at work hahaha), I do not know if later I will be ashamed of something I wrote in this post, I do not care, I do not even care if no one will answer.
Thanks to this.. I can fight another day.
I swear to god, that next summer I will have a spectacular body, I will have overcome this pornografic shit
holy shit is 00:30 good night guys
I swear to god if I dream another orgy..