How to cope if not going to be having sex

I'm 41 years old, suffered at the hands of internet porn for a decade, and now wholeheartedly agree that porn is bad. I'm committed to avoiding it forever. I can now go a year without it, usually.

But how does the advice on giving up masturbation work, when I know I am going to have sex with my wife twice a year at most, with decreasing frequency as we age? It seems like a pretty shit outlook, thinking that wet dreams are going to be the best thing I get for the rest of my life.

My wife has some mental health problems which reduce the likelihood of her wanting sex - even lower than the normal crappy levels reserved for people who have been married 19 years. Since 2009 I have thought of "twice a year" as "a good year".

I agree that masturbation is damaging if you fantastise about anything you've seen on a porn website....but is there no healthy middle ground between that, and a 100% no wank policy?

When it comes to masturbation (without porn or porn fantasy), each individual rebooter has to decide for himself as to what path to take. This site is only focused on the effects of porn.

You may find this page, and the links it contains, helpful in deciding what path to take:

http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/masturbation-ejaculation-articles

Aha! When I first searched the list of articles on that website, I didn't find all the relevant ones. I feel much more informed now. Thank you.

So it seems I need to fight even more valiantly against porn (one year avoidance isn't enough), lay off masturbation completely to aid a reboot, and afterwards try to stick with a much lower frequency of masturbation for the long-term. The science in those articles suggests I was doing it too much (2 or 3 times a week).

I think the main problem will be what I am fantasising about during future masturbation. It will be hard to avoid thinking about old porn memories, drooling about unrealistic female appearance and unlikely actions. I wonder if it is even harmful to fantasise about my own wife! If there is any advice on this topic, I'd love to hear it.