I try to be as succinct as possible, but to give the necessary details. Please excuse my grammar errors, because im not a native english speaker.
My name is Catalin, and i am from Romania ( a country from eastern Europe )38-year-old, virgin, without a real affection / sexual relationship until now.
-my sexual desire was satisfied through masturbation, and from about 29 years old, through pornography, which has become more and more exotic.When I do not use porn sites, i masturbate from imagination, thinking for example to work colleagues or other women I liked.I like women and I do not think I have other sexual preference. My goal is a relationship with a woman, and to build a family.
-the physical shape is without apparent affections, relatively good status. I have poor circulation with varicose veins on my feet.
- I do not drink alcohol / drugs.
- i was a chainsmoker until a week ago, and in stressful situations completely lose control over smoking.
-psychic and physical traumas in childhood, assumed and overcomed, sedentary, anxious, avoidable personality, without friends and social life. The only thing that gets me out from the house is my job.
Conscious of age, I decided to solve the problem: the plan was to go to prostitutes, make my experience ( not to be virgin anymore ), then make my girlfriend.
On 19 june was at first prostitute:she tried first an oral, then i tried to get erection with my hand, then she stood on me, rubbing her body to me.I had no excitation, almost no erection, and if i did get some, it was very weak and dissapeared quickly.I said it might be normal to be like this at first.
On 7 july i was at the second dame. She had a more attractive body. It was a promising start, with a massage, but i ended up repeating the first experience. I was very worried. Thinking that I should try to finish what I started and that I have the opportunity to avoid the waiting days and all the emotional build-up, I decided to go almost immediately to another prostitute: a 56 year old woman, very tolerant, with acceptable forms, I also explained my problem. The location and the person were ideal. I had the same problem: the touches did not cause me excitement, I did not have an erection or I had a weak and momentary erection. Finally, I decided to produce my own erection with my hand, I got a weak erection that disappeared when I tried to put a condom. Finally, in order not to leave as in the case of the others, I did ejaculated on her (to create a psychological advantage for the future, I said).
Before I went to escorts I had intense stress and I smoked alot. I consumed alcohol, but not in excess.
Conclusion:a real woman does not excite me to the touches or anything, i cannot get a proper erection, and if i get a half ass erection, it dissapears quickly, and if i manage to introduce in the vagina, i dont feel anything. Its like im not even in there.
After the first adventure i got worried, and i did not user porn since then ( my brain just shutted down this desire ). I continued to masturbate from time to time without ejaculation ( i thot it was good ), and i quit masturbation too after the second adventure. I did a masturbation today, out of desperation, to see how erect can make my penis get( i ejaculated partially ), thinking about the third prostitute which i liked the most.
What i gained:- no porn
- almost no masturbation ( i must work more to this )
- no smoking ( i smoke for now ellectronic cigarette )
- no coffee and i avoid sugar
- alot more aware about food quality
- sports like bike, running, lifting weights, kegel exercises.
- i consume alot of teas, stuff like ginseng and other helping things
- i try to be more organised and focus better on my great goals.
All of this time i had some troubling experiences, but i am not sure its because of renouncing porn, or it just happened because of my upset.From 7 july untill about 16-17 july, i have had a hell of a week: panick attacks. From time to time and from clear blue sky i felt that my face was burning, then i realised that this feel was doubled by accelerated heart beatings. One day ( i had an infection to a teeth ) i was thinking that the infection my get to my brain...i got really scared, then thinking about this " tragedy" more and more, i felt some veins pumping in my head: i got even more scared, thinking i will have an cerebral attack. The same day, i was working on something, and thinking about my impending cerebral attack, i have had the sensation of losing grip to reality ( not diziness ), then i walked to get out from the room, and after a few steps, my mind just calmed down and i got back to my task. I was shaking out of fear. This was the most scary episode. Another thing that i rmember was some strange sensation in my forehead part of the brain: it was like a fog, like i was not able to concentrate enough at what was i doing, like i have not enough grip on reality. Yet i was a functional human being. This forehead sensation lasted for some days. Anyway, to make it shorter, after about a week, i started to get back to my normal.
Next week i will do a testosterone test, an urology consultation, and i plan to go see a psichologist-sexologist.
For sure i will not have the patience to wait for months. I want to try again with that third prostitute ( i remember i liked her pussy, and at one moment it passed my head the thot to lick ..., and since then i masturbated twice, thinking about her, and i have had some fantasyes, almost all about her). My feeling is that a big role is played by inhibition. I feel that it is possible, but is missing something. My hope is about using erection stimulants like yahimbe or even viagra. I need a successfull sexual act.
What is your opinion ?
My name is Catalin, and i am from Romania ( a country from eastern Europe )38-year-old, virgin, without a real affection / sexual relationship until now.
-my sexual desire was satisfied through masturbation, and from about 29 years old, through pornography, which has become more and more exotic.When I do not use porn sites, i masturbate from imagination, thinking for example to work colleagues or other women I liked.I like women and I do not think I have other sexual preference. My goal is a relationship with a woman, and to build a family.
-the physical shape is without apparent affections, relatively good status. I have poor circulation with varicose veins on my feet.
- I do not drink alcohol / drugs.
- i was a chainsmoker until a week ago, and in stressful situations completely lose control over smoking.
-psychic and physical traumas in childhood, assumed and overcomed, sedentary, anxious, avoidable personality, without friends and social life. The only thing that gets me out from the house is my job.
Conscious of age, I decided to solve the problem: the plan was to go to prostitutes, make my experience ( not to be virgin anymore ), then make my girlfriend.
On 19 june was at first prostitute:she tried first an oral, then i tried to get erection with my hand, then she stood on me, rubbing her body to me.I had no excitation, almost no erection, and if i did get some, it was very weak and dissapeared quickly.I said it might be normal to be like this at first.
On 7 july i was at the second dame. She had a more attractive body. It was a promising start, with a massage, but i ended up repeating the first experience. I was very worried. Thinking that I should try to finish what I started and that I have the opportunity to avoid the waiting days and all the emotional build-up, I decided to go almost immediately to another prostitute: a 56 year old woman, very tolerant, with acceptable forms, I also explained my problem. The location and the person were ideal. I had the same problem: the touches did not cause me excitement, I did not have an erection or I had a weak and momentary erection. Finally, I decided to produce my own erection with my hand, I got a weak erection that disappeared when I tried to put a condom. Finally, in order not to leave as in the case of the others, I did ejaculated on her (to create a psychological advantage for the future, I said).
Before I went to escorts I had intense stress and I smoked alot. I consumed alcohol, but not in excess.
Conclusion:a real woman does not excite me to the touches or anything, i cannot get a proper erection, and if i get a half ass erection, it dissapears quickly, and if i manage to introduce in the vagina, i dont feel anything. Its like im not even in there.
After the first adventure i got worried, and i did not user porn since then ( my brain just shutted down this desire ). I continued to masturbate from time to time without ejaculation ( i thot it was good ), and i quit masturbation too after the second adventure. I did a masturbation today, out of desperation, to see how erect can make my penis get( i ejaculated partially ), thinking about the third prostitute which i liked the most.
What i gained:- no porn
- almost no masturbation ( i must work more to this )
- no smoking ( i smoke for now ellectronic cigarette )
- no coffee and i avoid sugar
- alot more aware about food quality
- sports like bike, running, lifting weights, kegel exercises.
- i consume alot of teas, stuff like ginseng and other helping things
- i try to be more organised and focus better on my great goals.
All of this time i had some troubling experiences, but i am not sure its because of renouncing porn, or it just happened because of my upset.From 7 july untill about 16-17 july, i have had a hell of a week: panick attacks. From time to time and from clear blue sky i felt that my face was burning, then i realised that this feel was doubled by accelerated heart beatings. One day ( i had an infection to a teeth ) i was thinking that the infection my get to my brain...i got really scared, then thinking about this " tragedy" more and more, i felt some veins pumping in my head: i got even more scared, thinking i will have an cerebral attack. The same day, i was working on something, and thinking about my impending cerebral attack, i have had the sensation of losing grip to reality ( not diziness ), then i walked to get out from the room, and after a few steps, my mind just calmed down and i got back to my task. I was shaking out of fear. This was the most scary episode. Another thing that i rmember was some strange sensation in my forehead part of the brain: it was like a fog, like i was not able to concentrate enough at what was i doing, like i have not enough grip on reality. Yet i was a functional human being. This forehead sensation lasted for some days. Anyway, to make it shorter, after about a week, i started to get back to my normal.
Next week i will do a testosterone test, an urology consultation, and i plan to go see a psichologist-sexologist.
For sure i will not have the patience to wait for months. I want to try again with that third prostitute ( i remember i liked her pussy, and at one moment it passed my head the thot to lick ..., and since then i masturbated twice, thinking about her, and i have had some fantasyes, almost all about her). My feeling is that a big role is played by inhibition. I feel that it is possible, but is missing something. My hope is about using erection stimulants like yahimbe or even viagra. I need a successfull sexual act.
What is your opinion ?
