imsorrynotsorry
Active Member
Hello there,
i hope this will help me going through this process this time.
EDIT 05/2022:
Up until today it's working. I'm close to 800 days PMO free. I did a lot for that and it takes time and determination. What i did:
- easy to achieve goals
- cardio exercise on regular basis, 3 times a week
- meditation/progressive muscle relaxation (guided)
- talking to GF, opening up
- educated about PMO mechanisms
- some period of hard mode
- learned about self love, treating the self good
- sleeping routine, strict bed times
- diet to improve libido and male potency
I experienced during all that time:
- zero libido weeks
- no morning wood
- no feeling down there in any kind
- panic and anxiety problems
- he could get hard but not any time with the GF
It's all worth it. It's not easy. Fight, fall down, stand up, fight, repeat, repeat, repeat.
/EDIT
The story is, i discovered P when i was 14-15 and went on kind of regular daily basis of PMO. It became my daily bedtime routine over years. During that time the symptoms became stronger, but i didn't recognise it - you can imagine that.
I had several relationsships with girls all the time. I thought i'm just getting more nervous with girls and that?s why i doesn't work properly, but that wasn't the case. In around 2010 a friend of mine and i realised we?re in trouble, we?ve grown an addicition. So, we worked our way into the facts of that PIED-thing and we realised what it needs to overcome it. (you will later see, even though i did know all the mechanism and stuff, i fell back)
My first reboot started back in 2011 and i did quite good. I went clear for a long time, maybe 6 months without P, mostly wet dreams. That was the time when i as a person become more balanced and more confident with women. I wanted to find out if i could do normal with girls again, so i tried. Shockingly it didn't work out the way i hoped, but i got better and better. I felt that it also depends on the trust i have with the girl. The more trust, the better it worked - it was a relieve that i can have normal sex and experience normal urges, without going fetish or any absurd kind.
It then happened to me to have a girlfriend which had her own problems with an eating disorder (anorexia). We found our way to manage that, but during that time i lost my confidence in what i achieved as a P-free-person. Through the relationship with the eating disorder i got the feeling that it is okay for me to have a disorder as well, so i started relapsing. This mechanism is widely known i understand, minus and minus doesn't equal plus all the time. If you?ve read to this point, it doesn't stay that sad all the time, ok?
Years went by, she made therapy and went into a clinic, improved her life to a healthy point. During that time i didn't forbid P to me, it was kind of letting off steam somedays and was something that i can hold on - a controlling instrument. I was not doing it regularly, but often.
Looking back, it was weird when i did it. For example, when i have a good time with my girlfriend, even had good sex, the thought in my head came up 'you?ve reached a good level, reward yourself with some of what you really like'. I also relapsed after some things went bad, crisis in relationsship or sth like that.
All the time i still managed to do 10-20 days without P. I thought, opening only one tab and one video is not inducing the P-relevant issues. And i handled it like 'you don't have to forbid it yourself, you can do it whenever you want, it?s not relevant to do it today or in 10 days, because if you want to, you?ll do it'.
Today, i would like to think that this thought is completely wrong. Sadly i'm not exactly at that point, but that?s my goal to get there. I know now, that this mechanism is like keeping a flower by only giving her less water. It mustn't grow much, but it will keep alive as long as i give some drops of water (this is like a f***** cactus in the desert). I realised that, because the symptoms on the one hand got better, but didn't go away.
SO, i decided for a fresh start, becoming myself again. I'm looking at my daycount, which says 29 today, but i would like to think that this is not important. I had so many relapses in so many strange moments. The triggers will come, the urges will come and i want to keep the focus on those moments. Do you know these moments, when your brain is telling you all of a sudden 'it is totally ok to masturbate right now'? In the past i was completely powerless against those thoughts. They were so strong, that i thought 'hey, it can't be that bad if it feels like a natural urge' and in a way it is, i guess. But for me, the natural urge and the addictive urge - i can't seperate them. I?ve never learned how to, because i PMO?d before i actually was with a girl. This is why i want the addictive urges to decrease. This works better without doing anything right now.
Last time i relapsed around day 45. Well, this time we?ll see.
R?sum? of what i feel, since stopping:
Day 29
no kind of libido
no urge to PMO or MO
increased consumption of chocolade, sugar stuff
increased consumption of beer (from 0 to 3-4 beers a week, ...
morning wood is coming back, slowly
Thanks for reading, will try to keep you updated.
Imsor
i hope this will help me going through this process this time.
EDIT 05/2022:
Up until today it's working. I'm close to 800 days PMO free. I did a lot for that and it takes time and determination. What i did:
- easy to achieve goals
- cardio exercise on regular basis, 3 times a week
- meditation/progressive muscle relaxation (guided)
- talking to GF, opening up
- educated about PMO mechanisms
- some period of hard mode
- learned about self love, treating the self good
- sleeping routine, strict bed times
- diet to improve libido and male potency
I experienced during all that time:
- zero libido weeks
- no morning wood
- no feeling down there in any kind
- panic and anxiety problems
- he could get hard but not any time with the GF
It's all worth it. It's not easy. Fight, fall down, stand up, fight, repeat, repeat, repeat.
/EDIT
The story is, i discovered P when i was 14-15 and went on kind of regular daily basis of PMO. It became my daily bedtime routine over years. During that time the symptoms became stronger, but i didn't recognise it - you can imagine that.
I had several relationsships with girls all the time. I thought i'm just getting more nervous with girls and that?s why i doesn't work properly, but that wasn't the case. In around 2010 a friend of mine and i realised we?re in trouble, we?ve grown an addicition. So, we worked our way into the facts of that PIED-thing and we realised what it needs to overcome it. (you will later see, even though i did know all the mechanism and stuff, i fell back)
My first reboot started back in 2011 and i did quite good. I went clear for a long time, maybe 6 months without P, mostly wet dreams. That was the time when i as a person become more balanced and more confident with women. I wanted to find out if i could do normal with girls again, so i tried. Shockingly it didn't work out the way i hoped, but i got better and better. I felt that it also depends on the trust i have with the girl. The more trust, the better it worked - it was a relieve that i can have normal sex and experience normal urges, without going fetish or any absurd kind.
It then happened to me to have a girlfriend which had her own problems with an eating disorder (anorexia). We found our way to manage that, but during that time i lost my confidence in what i achieved as a P-free-person. Through the relationship with the eating disorder i got the feeling that it is okay for me to have a disorder as well, so i started relapsing. This mechanism is widely known i understand, minus and minus doesn't equal plus all the time. If you?ve read to this point, it doesn't stay that sad all the time, ok?
Years went by, she made therapy and went into a clinic, improved her life to a healthy point. During that time i didn't forbid P to me, it was kind of letting off steam somedays and was something that i can hold on - a controlling instrument. I was not doing it regularly, but often.
Looking back, it was weird when i did it. For example, when i have a good time with my girlfriend, even had good sex, the thought in my head came up 'you?ve reached a good level, reward yourself with some of what you really like'. I also relapsed after some things went bad, crisis in relationsship or sth like that.
All the time i still managed to do 10-20 days without P. I thought, opening only one tab and one video is not inducing the P-relevant issues. And i handled it like 'you don't have to forbid it yourself, you can do it whenever you want, it?s not relevant to do it today or in 10 days, because if you want to, you?ll do it'.
Today, i would like to think that this thought is completely wrong. Sadly i'm not exactly at that point, but that?s my goal to get there. I know now, that this mechanism is like keeping a flower by only giving her less water. It mustn't grow much, but it will keep alive as long as i give some drops of water (this is like a f***** cactus in the desert). I realised that, because the symptoms on the one hand got better, but didn't go away.
SO, i decided for a fresh start, becoming myself again. I'm looking at my daycount, which says 29 today, but i would like to think that this is not important. I had so many relapses in so many strange moments. The triggers will come, the urges will come and i want to keep the focus on those moments. Do you know these moments, when your brain is telling you all of a sudden 'it is totally ok to masturbate right now'? In the past i was completely powerless against those thoughts. They were so strong, that i thought 'hey, it can't be that bad if it feels like a natural urge' and in a way it is, i guess. But for me, the natural urge and the addictive urge - i can't seperate them. I?ve never learned how to, because i PMO?d before i actually was with a girl. This is why i want the addictive urges to decrease. This works better without doing anything right now.
Last time i relapsed around day 45. Well, this time we?ll see.
R?sum? of what i feel, since stopping:
Day 29
no kind of libido
no urge to PMO or MO
increased consumption of chocolade, sugar stuff
increased consumption of beer (from 0 to 3-4 beers a week, ...
morning wood is coming back, slowly
Thanks for reading, will try to keep you updated.
Imsor
Last edited: