limpbiscuit
Member
Today I begin a journey that is a bit of a surprise. I am in my mid 40's and am a gay man. I have an amazing career that I love and allows me to travel the world. I have a boyfriend and although it is not terribly serious (likely because of my issues), and we do not live together, he is a wonderful person, and a kind soul. I trust him and he is patient with me and non judgemental.
I have always been a person that is smart, a master manipulator, a wearer of masks, a "hider" of what is really going on inside, and I am compulsive in many ways. When I do something I tend to do it very well, and full speed ahead. This is the same whether is it how I manage my life, my friends, my career, drinking, smoking, quitting smoking, quitting drinking, and other things too. It has also meant that I have used porn very much and have used it to the point that I do not often (or ever) get an erection with a partner, unless the partner is new, or if it is an incredibly attractive person to me. Now that I am with my boyfriend and no new partners are in my life, my ED has become an issue, as it was not noticeable before.
The way I have led my life has always been to hide from things. When I was young I went full steam into work and an over active social life. As I got older the over active social life continued, If I was home I would feel as though I was missing something. I also began to smoke, drink and party with friends. I smoked for several years, but eventually quit after several tries almost 8 years ago. I was still drinking and eventually it got to the point that I would drink everyday. It was like this for a couple or more years. Eventually, just like smoking, I hated being a slave to anything and so I just stopped, and it has been over 4 or so years. I will never go back to either smoking or drinking as they were completely bad for me.
I now believe that I have PIED. I have used porn (generally cam2cam in the last couple years) as a way to feel intimate, to feel satisfied and to escape stress, boredom, and anxiety. When I was feeling the shittiest I could still always find a cool person online to cam with and life would be quickly "better". The reasons I believe I have PIED is because I have absolutely no issue with getting an erection quickly and easily when I go online. I also have no issue with a new or exciting partner. Now that I am in a relationship that is no longer new, I am hardly able to maintain an erection or to reach orgasm. If I do it is a struggle and as such I find myself avoiding sex in an effort to avoid this awful feeling. I blamed lack of chemistry or "fireworks" but truthfully it is likely PIED. I have been using cams or porn at least once per day (sometimes twice or more, but sometimes none at all for several days) off and on for the last few years, but before that occasionally also.
I have done much reading and have joined this forum for help and advice etc. I am not going to be watching any sort of pornography and am going to do a reboot of my brain in an effort to rebuild my brain pathways so that I can become aroused normally by myself or with a partner.
I hope that others on here will help me with advice and the numerous questions I will likely have along the way! Maybe I can also help you!
For starters, can someone help me with a counter or a spreadsheet? What should I be tracking? Thanks a million.
I have always been a person that is smart, a master manipulator, a wearer of masks, a "hider" of what is really going on inside, and I am compulsive in many ways. When I do something I tend to do it very well, and full speed ahead. This is the same whether is it how I manage my life, my friends, my career, drinking, smoking, quitting smoking, quitting drinking, and other things too. It has also meant that I have used porn very much and have used it to the point that I do not often (or ever) get an erection with a partner, unless the partner is new, or if it is an incredibly attractive person to me. Now that I am with my boyfriend and no new partners are in my life, my ED has become an issue, as it was not noticeable before.
The way I have led my life has always been to hide from things. When I was young I went full steam into work and an over active social life. As I got older the over active social life continued, If I was home I would feel as though I was missing something. I also began to smoke, drink and party with friends. I smoked for several years, but eventually quit after several tries almost 8 years ago. I was still drinking and eventually it got to the point that I would drink everyday. It was like this for a couple or more years. Eventually, just like smoking, I hated being a slave to anything and so I just stopped, and it has been over 4 or so years. I will never go back to either smoking or drinking as they were completely bad for me.
I now believe that I have PIED. I have used porn (generally cam2cam in the last couple years) as a way to feel intimate, to feel satisfied and to escape stress, boredom, and anxiety. When I was feeling the shittiest I could still always find a cool person online to cam with and life would be quickly "better". The reasons I believe I have PIED is because I have absolutely no issue with getting an erection quickly and easily when I go online. I also have no issue with a new or exciting partner. Now that I am in a relationship that is no longer new, I am hardly able to maintain an erection or to reach orgasm. If I do it is a struggle and as such I find myself avoiding sex in an effort to avoid this awful feeling. I blamed lack of chemistry or "fireworks" but truthfully it is likely PIED. I have been using cams or porn at least once per day (sometimes twice or more, but sometimes none at all for several days) off and on for the last few years, but before that occasionally also.
I have done much reading and have joined this forum for help and advice etc. I am not going to be watching any sort of pornography and am going to do a reboot of my brain in an effort to rebuild my brain pathways so that I can become aroused normally by myself or with a partner.
I hope that others on here will help me with advice and the numerous questions I will likely have along the way! Maybe I can also help you!
For starters, can someone help me with a counter or a spreadsheet? What should I be tracking? Thanks a million.