young shinobi
Member
The beginning
I have Always been addicted to new beginnings , new years eve, the start of a special months , and somehow I always managed to ruin each and every one of this fresh starts.
For the last days , weeks & months I have succeeded in transforming my life into a reality of my worst nightmares , uneducated , unemployed ,unhappy and out of shape of curse.
I have reached a point where I am no longer willing to continue this path because it is leading toward an end that even my desensitized state can?t handle.
I have also managed to destroy any sense of orientation I had in the past, I am 24 years old now and for the first time ever I have no idea where am I going, I ignore the purpose of my life, I can?t define my self any more , what I am good at , or what path should I follow , writing , science ,fitness ,food, computer programming or any of the branches that can lead me to a fulfilling life style and a passionate tone of work.
My addiction is dragging me down the rabbit hole, the more deeper I get the more my senses disappear , whatever type of talents or gifts I have is dying. getting closer and closer to death. So why bother doing something different today, cleaning up , praying and asking Allah for forgiveness.
Did I somehow started to listen more to that deep voice of hope, believing that there is more of you than a tormented life of addiction, that the goodness within is fighting it?s way back to the surface. this habit of writing on the computer seams to have had helped my case a bit more , I also went to the economical capitol Casablanca with a friend for few times , and getting to know the commerce world a little bit more made it clear that everyone no matter how poor or unlucky his life might be seams to be trying to cope with the outside world by any means necessary. Giving up is not a choice, letting life get the best of you is ridiculous , everybody is TRYING.
At the light of my current situation where all of my life is turned upside down, no school , no career, no life I believe that this my chance to stop earning this life and start designing one . I am at the crossed road where I get to choose a direction for my life , and this the beginning I am looking for , my mission now is more crucial than ever , I need to set a curse to my life , I need to find my destination , my vision.
And I couldn?t choose any worst than now, where I stand to be the only life support to my mother and sister, they rely on me more than I think, financially but more important mentally.
They are my responsibility , and the source of my strength no matter how hard I try to deny that.i am somehow there HERO.
I have Always been addicted to new beginnings , new years eve, the start of a special months , and somehow I always managed to ruin each and every one of this fresh starts.
For the last days , weeks & months I have succeeded in transforming my life into a reality of my worst nightmares , uneducated , unemployed ,unhappy and out of shape of curse.
I have reached a point where I am no longer willing to continue this path because it is leading toward an end that even my desensitized state can?t handle.
I have also managed to destroy any sense of orientation I had in the past, I am 24 years old now and for the first time ever I have no idea where am I going, I ignore the purpose of my life, I can?t define my self any more , what I am good at , or what path should I follow , writing , science ,fitness ,food, computer programming or any of the branches that can lead me to a fulfilling life style and a passionate tone of work.
My addiction is dragging me down the rabbit hole, the more deeper I get the more my senses disappear , whatever type of talents or gifts I have is dying. getting closer and closer to death. So why bother doing something different today, cleaning up , praying and asking Allah for forgiveness.
Did I somehow started to listen more to that deep voice of hope, believing that there is more of you than a tormented life of addiction, that the goodness within is fighting it?s way back to the surface. this habit of writing on the computer seams to have had helped my case a bit more , I also went to the economical capitol Casablanca with a friend for few times , and getting to know the commerce world a little bit more made it clear that everyone no matter how poor or unlucky his life might be seams to be trying to cope with the outside world by any means necessary. Giving up is not a choice, letting life get the best of you is ridiculous , everybody is TRYING.
At the light of my current situation where all of my life is turned upside down, no school , no career, no life I believe that this my chance to stop earning this life and start designing one . I am at the crossed road where I get to choose a direction for my life , and this the beginning I am looking for , my mission now is more crucial than ever , I need to set a curse to my life , I need to find my destination , my vision.
And I couldn?t choose any worst than now, where I stand to be the only life support to my mother and sister, they rely on me more than I think, financially but more important mentally.
They are my responsibility , and the source of my strength no matter how hard I try to deny that.i am somehow there HERO.