30YO EUROPE, let's start my journey, my story and some questions

hey guys, mike speaking from old europe !!

let me introduce me and my story. Please note I will be quite explicit in the next lines, so if someone feels particularly susceptible at the moment forgive me and maybe move on. Forgive me aswell for my english (i promise i will improve) or for saying stupidities in general. I'm in a total new world, I'm comfident i can do it but i don't hide you i feel a bit lost aswell. Finding such a place is a great great help.

30 yrs old guy from europe, secondo day of no porn, single...several times I tried to stop, but never seriously like this time
I can tell myself a lucky guy, but very broken at the time after a decade of shitty living. Dumped 3 months ago from the best girl i've ever met, i cheated on her and being lazy and cold in general all the time. I don't think she will ever speak to me again.
So while being broken i tried to meet new girls, with some of them i started to accuse symptoms of premature ejaculation. Never happened before, and in the last weeks i find hard to control myself even with masturbation with PMO. That's honestly quite scary and disappointing. I hope I have not created permanent damage, physically and mentally.

I can relate both (the stuff of being cold and lazy AND the symptoms of premature ejaculation) to my general way of living and sure to the use of porn online i did till now.
Started fappin 13yrs old with some erotic books i found home and at that time I really exaggerated, doing it 3/4 times per day or more. Then the internet came at my 20/21 and sure did not help...used to bein awake all night long bingwatching sites, while smoking tones of weed. In some days, apart for the weed, it was the same. Waking up, taking the PC and start watching sites then lunch then wasting the afternoon on internet...and when you are on internet it's easy to end again watching PMO. Adding girls on skype and playin was quite frequent aswell.

Thanks to all this i wasted weeks and months goin' around like a lifeless zombie, wasted relationships and emotions. In some moment it was real fun, but it leads to a dead road and really don't pay a thing. Now it's done.
Now i really feel it's time to change my life, and reading yours stories it's a big help trust me.

So i'm here to start my journey, and i would like to ask some advices. Any help and answer will be highly appreciated.

1) do i need to set a goal ? i thought to start with one month porn clear...is that right or i need to go straight for the 90 days goal ? I fear that putting the bar too high will descourage me too soon, but i also feel this is a bit coward stuff to think, what do you suggest ?

2) i understood and i don't want to watch PMO...i understood i can get sex with girls and get orgasms with them... my question is: am i allowed to orgasm on my own using only my immagination, or i need to stay totally free ? I were thinking to fap one time every 10 days just to help me...i just don't understood if this can be a real help or just a stupid way to waste my previous work.

3) i ask this stuff of doing alone, because as i told you i'm very broken and don't plan to get girls so soon...i met some of them and got laid, but it didn't help my mood and as i told you i had some problem with premature ejaculation. That dind't help my mood aswell.
So i feel is ok to don't meet anyone for now, but my question is: am i right being total apart from girls and sex for a while ? do i need to push my self and meet them ?

4)sorry for my english guys, i'm not a native speaker...so i got problems also with all the new words and ideas i read here. I'm not sure i get right the "flatline" phase. So my question: anyone so kind to explain me this phase, or link me a definition of it ? I sure accuse a lower libido, don't get morning woods since ages..is that related to the flatline, am i right ?

In big notes this is my story and my questions about my first step in rebooting.
I'm in the second day of no fapping and no PMO, for now feel good but i know this will be a struggle. Honestly writing this makes me feel less alone and more confident.
I will keep you updated and let me thank each of you again.

No fear.

Hi there, I'd like to help you in the journey. It's day one for me, though I totally agree with you that acountability partners is a good thing.  Some of my thoughts

1. You should always set goals, but look at them in terms of milestones. Remembering that the addiction we have is totally mental is a good way to think. I'm doing this cause I don't want to be controled by anything. I think that there is no set amount of time it takes to recover, that's probably individual from the stories I've read. It helps to journal like you are here and share your experiences. It is probably more important to state what you lose if you don't quit, what you've lost, and most importantly what you have to gain.


2. it's prolly a good idea most feel to abstain from sexual activity, especially casual sex. I don't think it's only porn we're trying to conquer here, but learning self control and discipline. I think that's different if you're pursuing an emotionally satisfying relationship. But addictions have the brain asking to fulfill the same missing dopamine hit. example: brain says "I'm not getting the high cause he won't provide it from the computer like I'm used to, so I'll go and find that high in real life." You know when you step back what is healthy or not for you.

3. Again, you should do what you feel is right for you. Again don't do something because your brain is saying you need it, do it because it's good for you.

4. I had to look this up and watch some videos too. Flatline means that you lose your libido or sex drive for a while. According to what I read and saw, you will feel like you're not a sexual person. At this point you may try to run back to the bad habits just to feel something. It's the brain trying to trick you into seeking the same dopamine kick. But  if you continue to abstain and be true to your promise to nofap, then you will come out on the otherside fine.

YO guys !! here we are again for some updates

first of all thanks to everyone who took 5 min to read my story, and thank you so much derums for your reply !!

I'm the third day now, no fapping and no PMO. For now is all good, i started today some gym and exercise at home that sure helps a lot. Maybe you can feel a bit dumb, but even follow some video on youtube to get the exercises right it's a great help and a nice way to put out your energies. It's such a good way to feel your whole body, and not just a part of it.
For now i feel strong and powerful but black days will come and it's ok, we will face it all together and continue our journey.

Now some words about what Derums wrote in his reply (thanks again man, i appreciate that so, so much and i'm with you in this brand new start!!)

1- For now i think setting a goal of 30 days..in my conditions it will be a good result and i'm positive i can reach it !! i were asking just cause i don't wanna fool myself, neither being too positive neither being too negative and so i wanna set a honest goal to start testing myself. Let's go straight to this whole month !!!!!

2- i can't agree more on what you wrote --> " I don't think it's only porn we're trying to conquer here, but learning self control and discipline. " .
I'm totally with you here.

3AND4 'cause somehow i think they can be related.
For now really i don't feel such a big sexual desire, and as i told you i think this came both for my sadness to have lose my girl and both from all this shit i'm in, about porn and a bit of depression. You know, 5 days ago i had home such a hot girl and i didn't even looked at her or even less tried to kiss her...and i really can't tell if it is about the flatline and co. or just about my heart being broken.
Probably a period of being totally alone and without sex is good to have a better focus on both of the sides.

For my luck in 10 days i'll be on holiday and leave my city and then my country for a couple of weeks. This sure will be good to change my places and my habits for a bit and clear my mind about  everything.
Speak soon for updates.

No fear.

Good stuff mike. Awesome though I don't "know" you yet, I am happy to not feel alone in this Journey. I live in Las Vegas, so this is a crazy journey for me. That's cool that you're gonna travel and I'm sure that alternate settings will help.

If it's cool, we can make this our joint journal. i think my first journal got banned cause I mentioned trigger sites..whoops. Anyhow I feel like we connect on some of the same issues, especially the idea of becoming not just PMO free men but better men.

CONGRATS TO YOU on the exercise. I have recently discovered how Exercise is a common practice for almost every successful man. I personally do about 7 min a day and meditate in the morning. August 27th I'll be doing t25 workouts to get in much better shape.

Physical health:
I have been thinking that maybe to make the road to recovery and reboot withdrawals a bit easier, we need to substitute the time spent pmo-ing with healthier things.  Exercise. It's proven that exercise is an immediate mood enhancer.  Healthy social time. I think that's next for me. Joining meetups and going out to work on my social muscles.

Mental and emotional health:
What's been interesting to me is that my brain feels anxious. It's like damn, you're not gonna do that thing we used to do. And it's a bit confused and anxious. I also feel just a touch more iritable prolly cause my brain isn't getting it's usual dopamine hit. But nothing serious.

I find that my brain is craving whatever it is that PMOing provided me. I haven't relapsed at all, but to prevent that I've installed K9 blocking software and had a friend of mine set up the admin password so I can't undo it.  But that makes me realize how dependant I've become upon PMO's. I've conditioned my brain to expect the behavior. But no more. I'm not a strict catholic, but they say that idle hands are the devils playthings. So I've gotten myself out of the house and have been driving Rideshare. I figure making money is a good thing. The last few mornings I've been dreaming about PMO, like having short dreams of things I used to watch.  I live in vegas I'll say again, temptation is everywhere. So I found myself averting my eyes from anything sexual in nature. Some passengers were cute, and I found that WHILE when I PMOd I didn't imagine real people I was in the presence of. In fact my mind was rather sex free. But quitting is a different matter Today though I'd never act on it, I found my mind fantasizing in real time about real people I saw. Even people that I would normally classify as unattractive. That was a bit wierd. I think it's my brain detoxing.. I feel a bit anxious, but not aroused or jonesing.

so questions to all the other guys out there who have been through a reboot:

1. Did you find yourself fantasizing for the first time about real women in real time too?
2. What were your early feelings like, what emotions did you go through in your first week?
3. What things,tools, or mindsets did you adopt to make your reboot easier?

thanks and stay strong brothers.

One question mike: Do you still smoke weed? Because I think if you have a libido problem you really should stop this for good as well. I read many times that weed smokers have a bad libido. Same for alcohol-fans like I am. So I also have to work on that.

yo guys, here we are again !! sorry for my silence in the last days, but was a pretty full week and i'll tell you about it now !!
first of all thanks for your replies and to whoever read my story.

im now at my 10th day porn free and i tell you i start feeling the crave to watch some...for now i stay strong and good, but i feel this week will be very harsh !! and when time get harder we should help each others and read your words trust me is great !!
i had sex with a girl 3 days ago, spent 24 hours with her and the sex was good..we need to be honest here so i won't tell WOW WHAT A PERFORMANCE I RIPPED HER...no, just normal stuuf and somehow i still accuse premature ejaculation. I didn't have an orgasm for a week (and for my habits that's a huuuuge period of time) and this maybe didn't help for the "first round", then we got laid again and again and was ok. Just damn i don't feel good been with other girls now, i'm still focused on my ex and it's so fucking hard enjoy another girl. More than fighting my porn addiction right now the biggest struggle is to get free from her ghost but damn that will take so long...i just need to be so strong on this i know, but fuck it's just so hard.
As i read here, i experienced too a big crave for porn after this sexual meeting, but for now i managed to resist. This can be really tricky, but i will try to keep on like that...no porn, no masturbation and maybe meet this girl once a week just to release a bit. Not sure yet if is good or not, but for now let's try like this.

Now to Andi:
yes my friend i still smoke weed and hashish, and i get what are you saying. In general smoke is no good, i just turned 30 and damn my body is not the same of 10 years ago ahaha ... shorter breath and sure i feel a bit numb time to time. Now i smoke way less than 2-3 years ago, just one before sleep and i try to get sleep way earlier. This will be a big goal for me and i wanna see how i feel if i managed it. If I still feel not ok i will try to quit totally.
And getting free of those endless sessions of porn while being high as fuck i think can be a huge step to get my libido back somehow.
thanks for your reply and i hope we can get in touch again.

Now to Derums:
feel free to keep me posted here on your journey man. Funny fact, i've been in Vegas some months ago for some days as a tourist and i totally get what you say. That place is for real sin city ahaha, must be hard being strong in such a place. I felt that over there (vegas and usa in general) is just so fucking hard to resist temptations because you have so many stimulations of every kind, here in europe life is a bit "calm" in general and maybe this can help us. (i'm so happy to speak to guys from USA, i think can be good have both prospective on this)
The exercise is really the first help we can give ourselves..after 10 days of this and no porn people asked me how i got so tanned, and i never been to the beach. I think is just my blood getting around better because i dont lose energies in fapping and getting high in front of the pc. This made me smile but it was good to give me strenght.
"going out to work on my social muscles" --> i will print this sentence cause i feel it's just so perfect for me, thanks man

I can tell you that i felt very horny while arranging this meeting with this girl, and is good feel like that for a real person and not a movie on internet. And i'm so happy for your Rideshare stuff, this will be so good for your health.

1. This honestly for me never stopped, even when doing PMO. I always had in minds real girls (my ex-s or girls from daily life). For now i tried to avoid sexual thoughs in general, apart if something happens in real life. I told you about that girl, i'm flirting with other girls i know...as you say, try to get contact with reality.
2. In my first week honestly i felt better than i thought. I'm just so broken and sad for my last girl i lost that i'm so focused on becoming a better person and solve my problem that i got a lot of strenght. Now honestly aswell i feel things start getting harder, i still miss her like mad and the temptation of see some stuff on internet is getting bigger. Let's stay strong my friends.
3. For now i'm reading books, check new movies or netflix stuff, planning my trip, spending more time i can outside home and with friends. After my holidays i'll search for a second job and maybe get in some gym classes.
Thanks for your reply man and hope to hear from you again.

We will hear soon guys, be strong all of us.

Any news Mike?