A question for sissy/trans porn addicts.

Hi ladies and gents

So I posted my sissy trans porn addiction story not too long ago, if you want to read about it i'll link it right here: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/my-sissy-and-trans-porn-story.240717/#post-2148355

I was doing well for a while but then hit a low point again, currently trying to pick myself back up but I just found out something about myself through journalling that I think might interest you. Especially if you have an issue with sissy and trans porn. And it's that everytime I see a hot girl in a thong or some kind of bikini it triggered jelousy and envy in me and it made me want to watch porn. But it wasn't so much the hotness of the chick that triggered me to go fap off to sissy porn. The trigger stemmed more from the emotions that I felt when I would see that hot chick. I would put a hot chick so high up on a pedistal, that it got to the point where I felt undesirable being a man. It was like, if I saw a hot chick half naked, sometimes not even a super hot chick, this automatic subsconcious feeling within me would be like "yer your man self could never pull of something like that, if you tried to be sexy like her, you'd be considered gross and unnactractive".

When you see porn films, whatever kind of porn is being acted out, whatever kind of sex or act is going on. Anal, BJ's, sexy lingerie, POV, fetishes, whatever, the women is always the main focus. She is always that main source of pleasure. Most of the time the guy is just there on the side, often not acknowledged. This led me to have this mindset of I as a man am not attractive or desirable. Which I know deep down is BS but it's a story I told myself for a long time.

And the truth about me is, I am a little exantric as a man in some ways, one of those ways being that I like to wear jeans and joggers that are a little extra tight and form fitting than most men would where, and wear underwear that's slightly skimpier than most. I also like to trim my body hair and I am into male fashion. I spend a little more time grooming and taking care of myself, all that good stuff. Not because I want to show off and be some poser to the world, but because it makes me feel good, since I workout and I am proud of the body I have built. And it just makes me walk with confidence as it's something that I love to do, it also makes me feel good about being ME! But I feel like if I express that as a straight dude, men will automatically respond with "gay" and women will respond with "ew". And I have seen it before, on forums, in movies, in everyday life and whenever I saw it, I would feel bad, I'd feel shame and that emotion would come back up even stronger. And because of that I never expressed my true authetic self, and that made me feel trapped, I made myself stay in this little bubble because of what I believed I can or can't do as a man, and if I go out of that bubble just a little bit, I am no longer a man. I somehow have to be gay, or weird, or not cool or unattractive. But you can only stay in that bubble for so long before you drive yourself insane. So what did I do? I ran to the porn. I'd watch CD, sissy, trans, super fem guys because I felt as if that was the only form of validation I could find.

But now, I have learned to accept myself for who I am, and be proud of who I am. And just because I like to do a few things here and there that this society wouldn't deem "masculine" or "weird" that doesn't mean that I am any less of a man. I am a straight, masculine acting man who is a bit authentic in some aspects and that is fine. And I want to go out fearlessly, embracing my authentic self, and perhaps find a women whom will accept and embrace me for who I truly am. I want to be free, and take women off this damn pedistal because we are all humans at the end of the day.

But what do you think of all this? Do you resonate with this? Are you attached to this sissy fetish because you feel that you as a man are not desireable? Or at least no where near as much as women? Let me know your thoughts.

Oh and my name is Nick btw, if you'd like to chat to me, my kik is nholiveskin

Just in case you want someone to talk to.

That's an interesting take on things but I don't think it's the case for all of us guys here. I might be unique in some ways when it comes to the whole trans girl thing because I can remember seeing one or two before I ever watched porn of that genre and thinking that they were really pretty and if I were single, I would be just as likely to be willing to date an attractive trans woman as I would a genetic woman I was into. I never had any shame around this and genuinely like them so I've come to the conclusion that maybe for me it really is just a part of my sexuality. Mine also didn't extend into a sissy fetish.

I think another common theme for some guys here is that it started due to escalation patterns in porn tastes. Some guys weren't attracted to them in the first place but now feel as though they are because they became so desensitized and escalated to such extreme material that the only way to get that dopamine hit was through the excitement/anxiety crossover of viewing porn that does not match their usual sexual orientation.

I'm sure your insight about yourself is correct, but I think quitting porn is something that will benefit us all regardless of the underlying reasons for watching certain types.

Indeed, man, I think it is often because guys just go down this habit hole in terms of the porn they watch. But for me, there is definitely a deep-rooted attachment.
And yes quitting the porn will always help. There is no denying that lol.