Nikola Numez said:
you are basically cheating in a relationship and that is natural from a biological standpoint. if you are Oing with your wife constantly, your brain thinks you are reproducing. O=reproduction. after a while, it does not make a sense to your brain why would you keep reproducing with the same partner. the goal is to spread your genes as wide and far as possible. to make sure you spread as wide and far as possible, your brain starts to turn off attraction for your current partner and increases attraction of all others. thats why even loyal guys sometimes have tough time with being loyal and if not physically doing it, they at least mentally are thinking about cheating from time to time. thats why the current state of all those long term relationship seems to be so far away from the first few months when they had butterflies. its so hard to find long term couple that is still deep in love with each other.
thats also why porn addiction is sooo tough. your brain thinks you are reproducing with all those women on screen. imagine that. its the most natural instinct. reproduction may be even above survival instinct i think. why survive if you dont reproduce, its death of the species. but if you reproduce, survival of the species is like a higher goal, above individual survival. reproduction is more important.
quit porn either way. you dont seem to have porn related sexual problems if with other partners you have no problems, but quitting porn with help you in every way no matter what it is that you are dealing with. its really important that you quit porn, your happiness is deeply dependent on it.
I've heard this evolutionary/reproductive argument more times than I can count. It wraps up things in a neat little bow and explains our sexual urges and responses. Sure, we can all attest to the excitement of something/somebody new, but I also think it's total baloney that you have to get tired and less responsive to your partner just because you've been with them for many years. This idea that the brain is governed by a subconscious awareness of the reproductive history you share with your partner sounds fancy, but it's completely unproven. It's a trite reduction of Darwinistic principles, which themselves are subject to questioning. ie. theory vs proof.
I have been with my partner for 7 years now. By the theory you have propounded above, my subconscious should have well and truly got the message that I have reproduced successfully with her. Not only that, but we actually have a 4 year old daughter. So if there is any truth to this theory that I will experience a down-regulation of response to my partner and an increase to unknown (attractive to me) women, it really should be happening by now. I can tell you that this has not been the case whatsoever. I am as excited by my partner as ever. Her body drives me wild. I even find the fact that she has born my child to be arousing. The longer we have been together, the less attracted I have become to other women. I notice them, but I don't feel a primal need to mate with them. There is no reproductive imperative for me to shift my focus from my partner onto multiple strangers so I can spread my genetic material.
Human relationships are a good deal more complex than any theory as basic as the one you put forward can explain. Yes, there is a primitive component to our brain, but there are so many more higher brain functions which contradict the primal brain's messaging. We are the sum total of our brain's functioning - not just the vestigial part which was inherited from our primitive ancestors. I think you could just as easily advance a theory that the modern obsession with porn and sex via hookup sites etc is a learned cultural phenomenon and driven by extreme dopamine responses: that is, super stimulus which was not previously available to us suddenly is. And a lot of people want their share of this revelry. It doesn't mean their primitive brain is driving that behaviour due to reproductive imperatives. Dopamine addiction and association with sexual super stimuli can accomplish that all on its own. Sex is very pleasurable, and the brain can simply be focussed on the attainment of that enjoyment.
