This is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done

Hi everyone

I am a 40 year old cross dresser porn addicted sissy.

Yup.. that?s a lot of stuff going on there.  And I am ready to be done    But I have no idea where to start.  My gf just broke up with me because I have no interest in sex.  Which I actually do,  But I just can?t get it done a lot of times,  so I don?t try.  ( I also have porn induced ED).  I?ve got thousands of dollars worth of women?s clothing that I have no idea what to do with.  I don?t want to be alone and understand my addictions are the root of things going wrong for me.. 

Where do I start.  Help me.

Unfortunately, crossdressing/sissy fetishes are part of a much larger problem that is more complex and insidious than porn. It's called autogynephilia, which is a speculated to be a neurological disorder that effects straight men wherein their "erotic target" is directed INWARDS (thought of oneself as a women), rather than OUTWARDS (the womens body). Its actually suggested that the majority of trans people have this condition (but they will go to great lengths of cognitive dissonance to deny it) and worse the trans activists lobby against this research and deny it because its "transphobic".

It's a catastrophe, really. I'm not saying with 100% certainty that you have it, but AGP is pretty much the backbone of all crossdressing/feminization fetishes. It has different causes, no one really knows why it happens or what can be done. But what I do know is that porn often serves as the catalyst, and I think porn is actually one of the primary causes of this trans movement (but thats just my hypothesis). Porn takes men who would have otherwise never had AGP and makes it so intense that they can't even live with themselves as a man. Or porn takes men who developed AGP from a young age and makes it a far stronger fetish than it would have ever been without porn.

The scariest thing about it is that VERY VERY few people are simultaneously aware of a) the nature of AGP and b) the nature of porn addiction. I think the two are intricately linked, but NO ONE is talking about their relationship. 

Here are some resources, they will help

https://mirandayardley.com/en/what-autogynephilia-is-and-what-is-it-not-a-brief-note

http://rodfleming.com/2018/12/19/autogynephilia-cure/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ue1-T1BpctU

https://www.reddit.com/r/TGandSissyRecovery/


It goes without saying that you need to eliminate all porn. But porn addiction pales in comparison to AGP in my experience. I would suggest throwing out all the clothes - people suggest keeping them because you'll just start an endless binge-purge cycle...but so what. It's not like a lifelong coke addict would be better off keeping coke around in case he relapses again.

Stay strong and don't listen to anyone who tells  you these crossdressing fetishes are harmless and you should embrace them. They don't understand the condition. Look I don't want to start a pity party and oneup our victim status...but it's a truly devastating and self destructive paraphilia. I wish I had a solution. No one understands it and there is no research being done. You will have to lone wolf it. It's the single most difficult thing I've dealt with and it's plagued me my entire life.

This is some good information.  Thanks for sharing with me.  Maybe we can help each other through this.

I can remember when I was a small child wishing I had a ?girl suit?.  As a teenager I found some nice things in my mother?s drawer that I used to try on and then it happened..  I found a penthouse magazine in my dads closet.  I?ve been hooked ever since.  I was twelve.  I am 40 now. 

As far as cross dressing ,  I have been buying and purging since I was a teenager.  I seem to go threw stages where it?s more of a problem for me.  I have been separated from my ex wife for ten almost 11 years and have reluctantly been living alone while dating different women.  This last year Inhave been amassing a huge collection panties. Bras, clothes etc...  and recently shaving all my body hair so I ?look? more like a woman. Of course I know I just look ridiculous but I can?t help
Myself. 

The sissy hypno doesn?t help the situation I am sure.  That?s my latest outlet. 

You are soo right.  I need to get rid of ALL my clothes and I need to eliminate porn from my life.  I honestly have no idea how I am going to do this...  but if I am ever going to have a normal relationship I need to get it done. 

It?s 3 o?clock in the morning.  I haven?t slept yet.  This is the 1st time in probably 3 mos that I hadn?t looked at porn and masturbated before I went to sleep.  Several months ago I started smoking weed to help me sleep as well.  Which worked great,  however what I discovered is the weed heightened the sensation of orgasm,  it also reduced my inhibitors to desire to not PMO.    So I think I need to not smoke weed before bedtime if I am going to make this work.  however,  I am not sure how I am going to sleep.  I?ll need to figure this out,  I can?t function on no sleep.  This is gonna be harder than I thought,  as so many daily aspects of my life are tied to PmO..  including sleep.

On the bright side.. day 1 is over.  And I painted my living room yesterday

Wow, HMF speaks really well on the subject!

I would advise against weed.  I've seen it be detrimental to reboots on here, and I've never seen it be helpful, except MAYBE as a crutch here and there.  If you're using it for sleep, there are lots of better ways to get better sleep.  According to a guy who was recently plugging a book about sleep, weed is like alcohol in that it helps you pass out, but compromises the quality of sleep so much that it does more harm to your sleep cycle than good.

My thought when I see porn addictions with things that start before porn is that a therapist can be a good call, finances/insurance permitting.  Given that it is politically charged, perhaps HMF has thoughts on it.  Maybe most of them won't touch it with a 100 foot pole, who knows.

I never had tangible objects that needed to be purged, just masses of porn on my computer.  It really doesn't help to have it sitting there, because it means somewhere in the back of your head you're telling yourself not only that you will relapse, but you want the relapse to be really intense.  For example, if I knew I was going to relapse and look at porn fairly regularly until finally breaking free that is just a certain amount of realism, but if I kept my pile of porn, then I was saying to myself "I want my finely curated collection to fall back into, not just whatever I can find online".  It is a different level of attachment, and I'd even say a love, of your collection.  Honestly, one thing that helped me in the last months of my addiction was that I didn't always find the most stimulating porn stuff, and if I had my fall back stuff downloaded onto my hard drive I would have always had a base "quality level" (if you can call it that) and the pmo sessions would have been more stimulating.  The particular fetish that I struggled with (pregnant women) goes through phases of feast or famine on many of the websites, especially camsites, for obvious reasons.
Lucky for me as I was really getting into the swing of my reboot, there was a real dry spell of what was out there and that helped a lot.  That wouldn't have been the case if I had hoarded.  I'd always have something good to day dream about while at work, and the "hit" was always more intense.  I'm not sure if any of this translates well to the clothing collection, but hopefully it is at least helpful.

You're right that this won't be easy or quick, but you can also tell yourself that it will be the best thing you'll ever do.  Stick around here.  Everyone benefits when people with a lot to say are willing to share their struggles, especially when they are as articulate as you guys are. 

Currently on day 2 of a cross dressing binge.  Honestly I don?t think I want to stop. 

28yearsisenough said:

Honestly I don?t think I want to stop.

Click to expand...

This is clearly not the truth.
Hence, your presence here.

Your so right.  I want to stop.  But I?m lost.  I don?t know how and When I get lonely I dress up and try and completely loose myself.  It makes me feel better about myself for awhile. And then I?m lost again. 

I feel your pain. I think allot of us who started looking at porn at an early age while simultaneously enduring abuse or neglect have developed an emotional dependency on it, not just physical.  I'm not a therapist,  just my experience talking here.  I started looking at my grampa's magazines when I was 6 and was just enveloped. There was a whole lot of emotional termoil in our family. I later found out my gramps was molesting almost all the girls in our family including my mom when she was younger.

My biggest struggle is turning to things instead of people for emotional connection. I cycled through smoking,  drinking,  watching tv, video games porn and just plain dissociating through day dreaming.  Porn was the one that really grabbed ahold of me,  which is what lead me here of course. What I learned through all this is when I'm tempted to turn back to things, I tend to sit there and ruminate on the addictive behavior until i give into it. I have to do something physically drastic to snap me out of my trance.  I'll go for a quick run, go work on something that needs to be done (you said you painted your living room,  that's a perfect way to distract your attention to something better), take a cold shower or just call someone. It's always harder at the beginning,  but as long as i keep snapping myself out of the funk before it goes too far i can make it one more day.  I hope this helps.  Keep on talking to people on here,  you'll find the right combination for you.