Lose erection only when she initiates a position change

Hey gang,

I think I'm starting to hone in on a trigger that causes me to lose my erection.  The other night, I had stellar sex with my girl.  I was hard as a rock the whole time. 

Then more recently, we were going at it, and she asked me to get into a particular position.  Mind you this is the exact same position I had great success at on our previous encounter!  ... and I totally lost my boner.  The only difference was that this time, she asked me to do a position change.  The last time, I just did it myself.

In an abstract sense, it might boil down to who is in control of the situation, and I'm starting to wonder if I have some kind of psychological trigger in this regard.  I was thinking about it, and there have been a number of times where having a woman tell me what to do during sex -- even something as mundane as "faster!" -- causes some kind of crazy trigger that makes me get anxious and almost immediately lose my boner.

Might be something I need to work on with my therapist, but wanted to bring it up just in case anyone had advice.

Cheers!

Happened to me many times, I basically had to just stick with girl on top the entire time because during the 10 seconds in between position changes I went soft. Totally sucks, one of 100 reasons I'm rebooting.

Been there a million times mates!
Sometimes when i was just asked to change withiut even taking it out i went limp. The very thought of losing the erection during the change made me soft.
The mind is a bastard.
This then lead to pathetic jerk off sessions between changes. Me rubbing my cock like i was trying to start a fire with her there waiting for satisfaction that would never come (literally).
Reflectimg on this, i will sucessfully reboot.

Fizz

Yep have also experienced this. My main reason for rebooting.

But this is an interesting topic. Are you saying that when you initiate the position change yourself, there isn't this problem? Sorry I didn't find it too clear whether you're saying it's the position changing itself which is the cause or just when your partner initiates it or wants to take control?

It's awesome to see so many people with the same problem I have.  I'm not alone!  I, too, prefer girl on top as I can get a little soft and it still stay in, then it will get hard again.  My wife is getting tired of it though.  Too much work for her.  I hope rebooting will help me fix that problem.

I did have this problem in the past, but the few times I've had sex in the past 66 days of reboot, I've been able to maintain my erection. I get a little thrown off by the position change still, especially if I think it's going great, but I have complete confidence the erection is there to stay.

Killa_Mike said:

Are you saying that when you initiate the position change yourself, there isn't this problem? Sorry I didn't find it too clear whether you're saying it's the position changing itself which is the cause or just when your partner initiates it or wants to take control?

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When I initiate the change myself, there isn't usually a problem.  It's when my partner wants to take control that I sometimes just totally go limp, and then it's gone for good.  It's like it totally shatters my focus and then I'm hosed. 

One thing I'm realizing more and more is that if I'm totally in the mood, I don't even have to think about it and I'm just rock hard.  I know it's cheesy, but setting out candles, turning the heat up a bit so it's comfy to roll around with little or no clothes on, putting on some tunes, and just making out and rolling around for an hour or so does the trick.  Also, not having MO'd in the past 3-4 days REALLY helps make me feel like the animal that I truly am, who needs to mate with this sexy thing as part of my biological imperative, rather than just some schlub trying to make out.

So one thing I'm consciously observing and trying to work on is making it take less and less time for me to transition from doing dishes to being "totally in the mood".  When I'm totally in the mood, I don't have to focus on being in the mood.  I am the mood.  Little distractions like standing up and getting the lube, dealing with a wet dog snout in the ass, or putting out a pillow that caught on fire, will quickly drift out of my mind and I'm once again focusing on the sexy woman before me, without consciously having to shift my focus.  To me, that is key.

Interesting insight, goffredo. I have noticed myself that back when I was trying to have sex all the time, I had the most success keeping hard when I was fairly drunk. I thought this was quite odd, since the whole "whiskey dick" thing. Seems as if it works the opposite for me, because if I'm a little bit juiced then I don't worry about things as much, and I get into the mood easier. Obviously this is not a good thing, nobody should have to require alcohol to make sex better.

I have this problem and I think it is PIED related.  It has to do with focus.  During the change your mind wonders off causing you to lose your focus or interest.  It's only a split second or seconds but that's all your brain needs.  Because of our ability to scroll through porn sites quickly, our brain is used to "changing positions" or even partners in fractions of a second.  So while you might not lose interest, your brain does so you lose your erection.  This is something our reboots should fix.  I'm 9 months in and still having the problem so my brain needs more time.  I've read where others have taken longer and some have taken significantly less time.  I think it just varies.  Give up the porn and masturbation and you should recover from this.

Nevels, you knob-head, people rebooting want to avoid taking that shit and heal themselves the natural way. Those pills are only a temporary solution at best. Stop promoting that shit here, boy

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I notice that whenever in doggystyle or standing positions with my gf, I get a bit softer and lose some sensation in my dick.

If me and my girlfriend would do a position change, I?d usually have her jerk me off until I was hard enough again to penetrate.

Well that is a very good trick, glad to hear that you get used to it and whatever difficulty you have had been solved.