Can a third person guess that you are a porn addict?

Hello,
Some time ago one of my female's colleagues told me that she can recognize that a man whom she is speaking to, is a porn addict.
She told me that the guy is often shy, confused, do not look at at her eyes while speaking to her. She gave me a few more examples, but I have forgoten them.
I know that above statement may look funny, but she really guesed that my friend is a porn addict.

Do you think that there are a visible symptoms of a porn addicttion, that a third perspn can guess if sb is a porn addict ?
Do you know any more visible symptoms?

I can add from my experience that porn addicts often do not look at the woman's eyes, but on their brests.

larylee said:

Hello,
Some time ago one of my female's colleagues told me that she can recognize that a man whom she is speaking to, is a porn addict.
She told me that the guy is often shy, confused, do not look at at her eyes while speaking to her. She gave me a few more examples, but I have forgoten them.
I know that above statement may look funny, but she really guesed that my friend is a porn addict.

Do you think that there are a visible symptoms of a porn addicttion, that a third perspn can guess if sb is a porn addict ?
Do you know any more visible symptoms?

I can add from my experience that porn addicts often do not look at the woman's eyes, but on their brests.

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That's an arrogant assumption. She might pick up on a lot of men who might have a porn addiction - but she can miss others, and she could get a false positive on others. She can't read people like a book - it's unreliable. There can be symptoms of porn addiction, yes, but they are  are many and varied. There is no set of 100% reliable markers for what porn addiction. For example, I never experienced any change in my social abilities, nor ability to look people in the eye. I have always been socially confident. I doubt this woman would have picked me for having a porn addiction.

malando said:

larylee said:

Hello,
Some time ago one of my female's colleagues told me that she can recognize that a man whom she is speaking to, is a porn addict.
She told me that the guy is often shy, confused, do not look at at her eyes while speaking to her. She gave me a few more examples, but I have forgoten them.
I know that above statement may look funny, but she really guesed that my friend is a porn addict.

Do you think that there are a visible symptoms of a porn addicttion, that a third perspn can guess if sb is a porn addict ?
Do you know any more visible symptoms?

I can add from my experience that porn addicts often do not look at the woman's eyes, but on their brests.

Click to expand...

That's an arrogant assumption. She might pick up on a lot of men who might have a porn addiction - but she can miss others, and she could get a false positive on others. She can't read people like a book - it's unreliable. There can be symptoms of porn addiction, yes, but they are  are many and varied. There is no set of 100% reliable markers for what porn addiction. For example, I never experienced any change in my social abilities, nor ability to look people in the eye. I have always been socially confident. I doubt this woman would have picked me for having a porn addiction.

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I've been the polar opposite, even before I started with the porn.  Never been very confident, never looked people in the eye when talking to them, man or woman, and my social skills have always been zero.  It's been almost a year since I gave up porn, and those things are still things I need to work very hard on.

I've seen behaviors that have made me suspicious, but there is so much cross over with other behaviors, anxieties, and so on that spotting it from afar at best would be an educated guess.  It would be like hearing someone sneeze and saying the have the plague... it just doesn't narrow it down enough.  I kinda experimented with it once I got involved with these boards... I was curious, as you are, if it can be that obvious.  I definitely saw people that I figured were likely to be binging heavily, but I was really just guessing.  It is a bit reckless to make such assumptions about people, so I try to avoid it now.

I have picked up on people who are heavy consumers of porn based on how they talk about women or how they talk about sex.  If I wasn't a former porn addict myself I probably wouldn't notice, but there are cues that a person's main understanding/tastes in sex come predominantly from porn.

Yeah I've seen dead eyed/dull/anxious/severely introverted guys and thought they were probably porn addicts.

I think the answer is  undoubtedly yes.  Like it or not, women in society can be seen as the prey of male advances.  Yes, many times attraction is mutual and the man and woman enter a consensual repationship of sex and romance.  But far more often, women are the targets and receivers of unwanted male attention.  In such a situation, the woman's brain goes into a panic of fight or flight responses.  The best defense against an unwanted advance is to be forever vigilant and aware of surroundings and the approach of men.  Suddenly the color of their eyes take on new meaning.  The way they communicate .  Their facial.expressions. All of.it takes on a more nuanced meaning.

It is not our place as men to explain or interpret the experience and existence of women , especially in a world, where let's face it, we dominate and women are merely puppets who we attempt to influence.  It is our place to negate oir training, to be the best human beings we can be, and to stop making women feel uncomfortable.

Mmmmm interesting question...
I think a porn addict may be able to recognize similar symptoms in another porn addict, but that's as far as it goes. Just because someone is socially awkward doesn't mean they're  a porn feind.
Sounds like she just made a joke probably to get attention or a few cheap laughs, or perhaps she is actually a porn addict!

larylee said:

Hello,
Some time ago one of my female's colleagues told me that she can recognize that a man whom she is speaking to, is a porn addict.
She told me that the guy is often shy, confused, do not look at at her eyes while speaking to her. She gave me a few more examples, but I have forgoten them.
I know that above statement may look funny, but she really guesed that my friend is a porn addict.

Do you think that there are a visible symptoms of a porn addicttion, that a third perspn can guess if sb is a porn addict ?
Do you know any more visible symptoms?

I can add from my experience that porn addicts often do not look at the woman's eyes, but on their brests.

Click to expand...

Are there visible symptoms? Maybe at best. Inferences are just opinions even with the most astute observations. I hope she is operating under that caveat. It would be mental anguish for herself and those around her if she was looking for porn addicts in people that have GAD, social anxiety, lack more developed social skills, are just introverts, or just don't like her but aren't trying to be rude. I know plenty with those characteristics who don't even MO and they exhibit the same social behaviors she cited.

Honestly, I wonder if she might be a porn addict herself, was one at some point, or has/had someone important in her life with the problem since she is associating those behaviors with something so specific as porn addiction. I mean there are a wealth of other things that could explain it easier and more logically. I used to date a girl who would manifest her own vices and experiences onto others with varying motivations (power, self-defense, insecurity, deflecting attention away from herself). That coupled with baseline social skills has a statistical likelihood of getting it right at least a few times. Or she could just be a great bullshitter who got it right a few times and it went to her head. You'd be surprised how much of the world and the people in it run on pure bullshit because confidence apparently makes it true.

Green Wizard: very well said.

It's a dangerous thing to be supremely confident of your "truth reading" abilities. It has the capacity to sway the opinion of others due to the sheer certainty and confidence that accompanies the reading. If you were the girlfriend of such a woman, she might warn you off a prospective partner, saying, "Steer clear of that guy, he's a porn user, trust me, I can pick them". Even though he may be nothing of the sort. That would be terribly unfair to both parties because it could ruin something that could have been potentially great for both of them.

Whether you are awkward or confident or not is not a predictor of anything. Only a change of behaviour might indicate something - but then you would have needed to know them before the change to have a basis for comparison. Even then, social changes can happen for any number of reasons - it's ridiculous to reduce every social difficulty down to porn consumption. As I said above - nobody picked that I had a porn problem. In fact, I came out to 2 of my friends, one female, one male - both of them were shocked and said things along the lines of "wow, I never would have picked you to be a porn kind of guy". Whether or not you can cover it up or not, is more a reflection of how badly you are affected, and what level your social skills are at. I was certainly affected, but I was able to put on my usual confident persona. It wasn't hard for me because I have always been good at putting people at ease.

I propose that the only way to tell if somebody is a porn addict is to ask them, or get to know them and see if they are hiding an addiction. "Reading" them is preposterous in the extreme - even though we do know that porn influences confidence. There are just too many aspects to a person's personality to reduce it down to porn use. Who's to say that there weren't existing personality traits that were already present before they started using porn?

larylee said:

I can add from my experience that porn addicts often do not look at the woman's eyes, but on their brests.

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A LOT of guys will look toward a woman's breasts rather than her eyes, if they have been brought up to believe that's okay. In my highest stages of addiction, I was always careful to avoid looking at women's breasts in conversation, because I was worried about being seen as a pig. Most of my female friends saw me as a "nice, sensitive guy" and would have been shocked to learn about what I did behind closed doors.

Given how prevalent porn addiction is these days, a lot of the awkward guys you meet may be porn addicts, but some people really are just awkward, and some are prone to looking downward rather than looking people in the eye. OTOH, some guys who appear very confident may be porn addicts. I am skeptical of this addiction radar idea.

dlansky said:

larylee said:

I can add from my experience that porn addicts often do not look at the woman's eyes, but on their brests.

Click to expand...

A LOT of guys will look toward a woman's breasts rather than her eyes, if they have been brought up to believe that's okay. In my highest stages of addiction, I was always careful to avoid looking at women's breasts in conversation, because I was worried about being seen as a pig. Most of my female friends saw me as a "nice, sensitive guy" and would have been shocked to learn about what I did behind closed doors.

Given how prevalent porn addiction is these days, a lot of the awkward guys you meet may be porn addicts, but some people really are just awkward, and some are prone to looking downward rather than looking people in the eye. OTOH, some guys who appear very confident may be porn addicts. I am skeptical of this addiction radar idea.

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Honestly, I think most guys are oblivious that women know when their chests are being stared at.  I wasn't brought up one way or another, but it wasn't until making some good female friends that I was told "yeah, women ALWAYS know when you're looking at her boobs". 

First, I think this woman is using confused logic (faulty syllogism).  It goes something like this: all porn users behave this way.  This man is behaving this way, therefore he is a porn user.  Even if the first statement were true, the logic is flawed.  But I do wonder how many men (especially young ones) use porn, or rather, how many don't.  Does anyone have data on just how bad the epidemic is?  Has it reached the proportions where we could reasonably assume that most young people (especially boys/men) are using porn on a regular basis?  Given how easy it is to access and how curious the young mind is about sex, AND how little accurate information is being passed on regarding the dangers of porn, I imagine the problem has gotten pretty bad...

sender said:

  But I do wonder how many men (especially young ones) use porn, or rather, how many don't.  Does anyone have data on just how bad the epidemic is?  Has it reached the proportions where we could reasonably assume that most young people (especially boys/men) are using porn on a regular basis?

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From what I heard the number is somewhere around 80% for young males.

Finw? said:

sender said:

  But I do wonder how many men (especially young ones) use porn, or rather, how many don't.  Does anyone have data on just how bad the epidemic is?  Has it reached the proportions where we could reasonably assume that most young people (especially boys/men) are using porn on a regular basis?

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From what I heard the number is somewhere around 80% for young males.

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Wow.  I suppose that sounds about right, but when it is said like that, it still is mind boggling.

Do you remember where you heard that?  I don't question it, I'm just curious.

DoneAtLast said:

Wow.  I suppose that sounds about right, but when it is said like that, it still is mind boggling.

Do you remember where you heard that?  I don't question it, I'm just curious.

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There's a webpage on Yourbrainonporn that compiles all the research on the prevalence of porn use, but I can't find it. To my recollection, estimates ranged from like 30% to 97%, but the majority of research found it was around 70-90% for young males.

Also, I suppose it depends on where you live as well. Pornhub released its consumer data, suggesting that continental European countries spend about half as much time watching porn per capita as America does. Particularly Eastern Europe doesn't use it much compared to other countries.

I am going to reinforce my original answer, that yes, most healthy women can tell if a man is doing something depraved, immature, or inappropriate.  They probably can't narrow it down to porn, per say.  That would be a very unique skill.  But I have heard and read that women become very adept at sensing danger, whether physical or mental/emotional.  It is part of how they survive.  I have no doubt that a woman could surmise that there is something wrong with a porn addict. 

In fact, I think many of the parnters in this forum did just that.  They either did not trust their intuition, or they thought that the relationship was worth the risk.

Rich

HumbleRich said:

I am going to reinforce my original answer, that yes, most healthy women can tell if a man is doing something depraved, immature, or inappropriate.  They probably can't narrow it down to porn, per say.  That would be a very unique skill.  But I have heard and read that women become very adept at sensing danger, whether physical or mental/emotional. 

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The opposite can be true in some cases. There was a study that tried to determine whether someone could tell if a person was a criminal or not just by looking at a photograph of them. In general, people can, at a rate considerably higher than random chance. However, there is an exception: women overwhelmingly failed to identify the rapists. In fact, women rated the actual rapists as lower risk than the non-rapists, and had a more positive first impression of the actual rapists than the non-rapists.