I need to change.

Hello. How are you?

My name is Kaingang here. It is a fictitious name of indigenous origin. I chose this name to give me the strength to stay away from pmo for a period of at least 100 days. I'm from Brazil. Here there is also a huge community for people with this type of addiction, however, you need to pay to participate. So I apologize in advance for my poor English. I've been addicted to pmo for over 10 years. I started to watch around the age of 13 and today I'm 28. About 8 years ago I started to feel less and less pleasure in sex too. However, porn addiction remained strong. I've lost count of times when I tried to stay away from porn. The videos for me always represent an escape from my problems, generating a terrible compulsion. I'm at my limit. All this has already caused me enormous suffering. I need a reboot urgently and I'm counting on the help of everyone. Thank you. Greetings from Brazil.

Reboot started 05/12/18 at 15h.

I have things in common with you, as I also got in contact with porn when I was around 13-14 and I'm 28 too. Do you want to do this together?

yes!! Let's help each other and keep in touch!

Sure. Let's do it.

DAY 1

A full day without pmo. I didn't have many difficulties. I'm getting into a lot of activities and I feel good for that. The most critical situations for me are the night time and when I'm on Instagram, which is a great trigger. But I am much aware of them. One day at a time.

Stay away from Instagram, man! It's like keeping a bottle in the kitchen when you are a recovering alcoholic.

DAY 2

Second day of reboot. At night is really the most critical period for me. I caught myself last night switching channels on television and we know that at night it is much easier to find erotic content on TV. Thanks God I did not find anything and went to sleep. I believe that a good tactic would be to disconnect from any technological equipment  from 10pm or use it very carefully. It would improve my sleep and turn me away from pmo. One day at a time. Let's do it!

Good step, man. You identify the trigger and avoid it. If staying up late and watching TV means you find porn, don't stay up late watching TV. We are better than this. Strong 24/7.

DAY 3 and 4

The last two days were quieter. I spent the last few days with my girlfriend which makes it much easier for me to stay away from pmo. On Saturday I ended up drinking a lot of alcohol and I noticed that this is a dangerous trigger because it causes a sense of self-depreciation wich is dangerous for relapses. One day at a time.

Quitting alcohol is in my plan because it raises my anxiety and I've ended up relapsing many times after a binge drinking session. Now it won't really be the right time with Christmas and New Year, I will have to drink but after that I want to stop. And no, I don't believe or like the "New Year's resolution" thing so it won't be a "New Year's resolution" for me, it's just I couldn't stay away form alcohol in this period. After this passes, I really have no excuse to further drink and fuck up my brain. I have more control and less anxiety when I don't drink.

it is true. alcohol is just another escape that should be avoided as much as possible. it is possible to feel good without any of it. without hangover or guilt. let's do it!

Alcohol could be really dangerous in this period of recovering from PMO. At least for me, it raises my anxiety and then the urges to "calm this anxiety down with PMO" often gets uncontrollable. I definitely feel less anxious when I don't drink and then I don't need that much to calm down.

7 DAYS

Today I complete one week without pmo. It was a good week. It is good the feeling of doing this. I already notice that my anxiety is a little lower. Of course, it's just the beginning of Reboot. There is a lot to happen. But I'm happy that I'm being able to keep myself free of pmo. What has helped me in this brief period is to maintain a certain routine, to have a greater control over the time of use of the technologies and physical exercises. What I need to improve still is to further reduce the period in social media (especially Instagram) and have a routine still ruled and improve my diet (decrease alcohol especially). I am optimistic but aware that I am only at the beginning. One day at a time.

Man, that's what I'm talking about! A week! This is outstanding achievement for now. Keep following the plan. Identify triggers and avoid them. If you feel good right now, remember that tough times may come. Emotions could fluctuate, flatlines could come, we never know. We might have it easier or harder, depending on how we are genetically. But, one thing is for sure: Addiction is more harmful than any obstacle we might encounter while recovering. Never throw the recovery out the window to self-medicate with porn.

12 DAYS

thanks a lot for the tips man. you're right. I was doing very well in the las days without too many difficulties. but last weekend some triggers got me and it was a little hard for me. It was a prove that my mind is still completely addicted to porn. When the urgencies started to increase and I saw that I was going down the path of pornography I stopped and took a deep breath for several times. This caused a decrease in the urge. I breathed many times until I had control of the situation. Thanks god I could resist to this compulsion this time. This week I'll have to be very careful with the triggers. I count on your support. It is possible to change!

That's outstanding progress, man! Being able to do something when the urges kicked in! If you used to be like me, you probably had a period when you didn't even think when the urges came. You just jumped to PMO. Moving from this to being able to stop and reduce the urges, this is progress.

2 weeks

I'm happy to complete two weeks without pmo. I feel like I'm on the right way, although I see that I still have to improve. my mind is still looking for traces of pleasure and eroticization in Instagram or even in Netflix. It's as if I'm in a process of rehab for heavy drugs and continue unconsciously looking for weaker drugs. I need to avoid these triggers completely. I installed a blocker on my PC which has helped me. I'm also controling my hours in front of computer and mobile. I have periodically done exercises and I'm focusing on my professional career and my girlfriend. nothing is perfect in my reboot. but I'm sure that I had some progress and I feel less anxious in the last days. the urge to watch pmo continues in my mind, but thanks God I have being stronger than these impulses.

That's what I'm talking about, man! 2 weeks, this is great!
Porn is a dopamine addiction. When you don't give dopamine to the brain, it tells you: "Just give me something, look at some pictures or edge a little bit." This is that stupid voice in our mind that we don't need to pay attention too. We know what's best for us. We need to make that voice work for us. Like "turning fear into an ally, not an enemy". We need to make that voice from our mind tells us good stuff not: "Go watch porn." Fuck porn and fuck living for destructive pleasures.

thanks bro! yea. thanks for your support. Fuck that shit. let's spend our energies on real experiences and things that will make our lives better and more meaningful!

OK. the initial phase of my reboot has made many progress in my life. I feel that I am less anxious, less guilty and taking better advantage of my daily life. but I still feel that I need to change my lifestyle even more. the triggers need to be avoided more drastically for me because I know they have a great chance of taking me back to porn and old self-destructive habits. (this means cutting more drastically social media and series that may appear erotic scenes)

So I'll start what I can call the second phase of my reboot. I have been interested in yoga and meditation for years. but I have never put into practice a routine with these activities for a long time. I believe now is a good time to do this. I will practice them if possible every day during the week and tell the changes in my emotional and physical state here. I believe it will be a great experience that will help me stay firm in my reboot. My practices will be at home with the help of apps and lessons on youtube. All for free.

I believe that each person needs to find supports that help us to deal with periods of emotional pain and more anxiety. it is these periods that make us believe that it is not possible to change. we need to be the proof that it is possible to have a more balanced life in our professional and personal lives. I hope that everyone can find their support in meditation, gym, readings, religion, philosophy, music, psychologist or whatever that is able to help. I really hope that everyone will find a way out of this vicious circle once and for all and find a better life!

I need to chage and change can only happen in the now.