M
matisse
Guest
bio:
*63 yo retired professional that is now working in another field
*sexually used by relative who is a couple of years older than me that started at the age of 8ish which resulted in first orgasm at about that age. This continued for several years. I then transferred the same behavior to classmates in middle/high school and some in college.
*engaged in m on a daily basis during my middle school/high school years to the point my dick was raw.
*met my wife at college who had contracted a debilitating disease at a very young age
*have fought the issue of not having a dad most of my life and the need for affirmation which I sought out in male relationships.
*counseling and anti-depressants have helped to some degree
*ed has been a big issue
*Jump forward to the present.
*due to my wife's disability and her overall view of sex, we have not had intercourse or any type of sexual activity for approximately 7 years. To deal with my frustration, I leaned on pmo.
*what I know....I haven't made my needs made known to my wife, I've relied on pmo to fullfill my feelings of loneliness/anger only to be met with more ed, the inability to cum, and in general, an empty space between my wife and I. I have yet to tell my wife that because I am her primary caregiver, I feel disconnected as a husband. With sex, I feel those barriers being torn down because she is giving something I desperately want, back to me.
We've just returned from a trip inwhich the opportunity arose for me to share what I needed, what I liked, and what I liked doing to her. Our conversing resulted in her having an orgasm and me attempting to have intercourse but due to a limp dick, it was a no go. We then returned home two days later and once again, were able to engage in making love. I still was not able to penetrate her like I wanted due to the limp dick but was able to cum when she was about to cum due to m. Good/bad? I'm not sure. My rational on it being good is that we were both participating in an act that brought us closer together.
It's so enlightening to see the difference in how I feel about her when we have worked on having sex together versus me having a one-man-show in the shower. I feel trust grow and my acceptance of myself intensify when we are making an effort to share the most intimate parts of our body with one another.
I'm on day two of being letting my wife satisfy me rather than something/someone who is not real. d To all of those out there who are struggling, the battle is real and the wounded are many. Stand up to the fight and keep pressing onward!
To all of our brothers who have been wounded, you have my support,
matisse
*63 yo retired professional that is now working in another field
*sexually used by relative who is a couple of years older than me that started at the age of 8ish which resulted in first orgasm at about that age. This continued for several years. I then transferred the same behavior to classmates in middle/high school and some in college.
*engaged in m on a daily basis during my middle school/high school years to the point my dick was raw.
*met my wife at college who had contracted a debilitating disease at a very young age
*have fought the issue of not having a dad most of my life and the need for affirmation which I sought out in male relationships.
*counseling and anti-depressants have helped to some degree
*ed has been a big issue
*Jump forward to the present.
*due to my wife's disability and her overall view of sex, we have not had intercourse or any type of sexual activity for approximately 7 years. To deal with my frustration, I leaned on pmo.
*what I know....I haven't made my needs made known to my wife, I've relied on pmo to fullfill my feelings of loneliness/anger only to be met with more ed, the inability to cum, and in general, an empty space between my wife and I. I have yet to tell my wife that because I am her primary caregiver, I feel disconnected as a husband. With sex, I feel those barriers being torn down because she is giving something I desperately want, back to me.
We've just returned from a trip inwhich the opportunity arose for me to share what I needed, what I liked, and what I liked doing to her. Our conversing resulted in her having an orgasm and me attempting to have intercourse but due to a limp dick, it was a no go. We then returned home two days later and once again, were able to engage in making love. I still was not able to penetrate her like I wanted due to the limp dick but was able to cum when she was about to cum due to m. Good/bad? I'm not sure. My rational on it being good is that we were both participating in an act that brought us closer together.
It's so enlightening to see the difference in how I feel about her when we have worked on having sex together versus me having a one-man-show in the shower. I feel trust grow and my acceptance of myself intensify when we are making an effort to share the most intimate parts of our body with one another.
I'm on day two of being letting my wife satisfy me rather than something/someone who is not real. d To all of those out there who are struggling, the battle is real and the wounded are many. Stand up to the fight and keep pressing onward!
To all of our brothers who have been wounded, you have my support,
matisse