miomio
Active Member
I have been around this forum since May 2014 and went through many rocky bits, but the significance of positive experiences have made me realize that reboot is the way to go.
Looking back, there have been several issues that have made me relapse, but mainly a lack of goals. I am not rebooting to impress others, but to make a permanent change in my life. From now on I will try to observe my actions from a realistic point of view, no bullshit, no attention-seeking.
My sticking points:
a. Personal insecurities (the problem)
Namely,
- self-consciousness
--> how do I see myself and how do others see me?
- sexuality
--> at some point I decided to refrain from taking a realistic approach to sexuality and turn it into a taboo topic to avoid at all costs
- women
--> I grew up on very liberal terms, but always set up own barriers. I would reject girls approaching me, due to a lack of self-confidence and fearing conversation
--> I was always expected to just handle the situation with women, but I get anxious around them. Around my family and work it makes me uncomfortable to speak about women, even worse to look at them. But it's not a taboo, somehow I have created this barrier myself!
--> Every relapse was caused by the fact of me coming home alone, not having met a partner or feeling that I could not stand up to the expectations others have in me
- socializing
In rare cases I have felt that I could be myself. Often, I play(ed) roles to fit into situations. More importantly, I acted how I thought others expect me to be... life of the party, the fun guy, the story-teller, the drinker...
- alcohol
to be continued...
b. Alcohol (the tool)
So far, every relapse I went through was partially caused by alcohol. It is a powerful tool to get your mind of problems and relax for a short period of time, but it also destroys boundaries and only offers a quick, but damging fix. In combination with my reboot, I will refrain from alcohol.
I will use this journal to work on my sticking points. This Journals is intended to give me a better perspective on myself and help self-reflection.
Reboot Plan:
1. Go hard mode - No P, no M, no (intentional) O
If it get's serious with a girl, share my path and stay with it.
2. No drugs, absolutely no alcohol
3. Work out: Hiking, bicycle, maybe gym
!! Plan weekend trips to get my head clear
4. Eat healthy: No junk food
5. Sleep min. 8 hours per day, get up no later than 7
6. No TV series, only selected movies in cinema.
7. No lying, no showing off, no attention-seeking
Update 1:
Relapsed after 59 days.
Update 2:
No ED
Update 3:
First wet dream (ever)
Update 4:
Relapse after 74 days.
Update 5:
Going hard mode!
Update 6:
New thread.
Relapsed after 59 days.
Update 2:
No ED
Update 3:
First wet dream (ever)
Update 4:
Relapse after 74 days.
Update 5:
Going hard mode!
Update 6:
New thread.
Looking back, there have been several issues that have made me relapse, but mainly a lack of goals. I am not rebooting to impress others, but to make a permanent change in my life. From now on I will try to observe my actions from a realistic point of view, no bullshit, no attention-seeking.
My sticking points:
a. Personal insecurities (the problem)
Namely,
- self-consciousness
--> how do I see myself and how do others see me?
- sexuality
--> at some point I decided to refrain from taking a realistic approach to sexuality and turn it into a taboo topic to avoid at all costs
- women
--> I grew up on very liberal terms, but always set up own barriers. I would reject girls approaching me, due to a lack of self-confidence and fearing conversation
--> I was always expected to just handle the situation with women, but I get anxious around them. Around my family and work it makes me uncomfortable to speak about women, even worse to look at them. But it's not a taboo, somehow I have created this barrier myself!
--> Every relapse was caused by the fact of me coming home alone, not having met a partner or feeling that I could not stand up to the expectations others have in me
- socializing
In rare cases I have felt that I could be myself. Often, I play(ed) roles to fit into situations. More importantly, I acted how I thought others expect me to be... life of the party, the fun guy, the story-teller, the drinker...
- alcohol
to be continued...
b. Alcohol (the tool)
So far, every relapse I went through was partially caused by alcohol. It is a powerful tool to get your mind of problems and relax for a short period of time, but it also destroys boundaries and only offers a quick, but damging fix. In combination with my reboot, I will refrain from alcohol.
I will use this journal to work on my sticking points. This Journals is intended to give me a better perspective on myself and help self-reflection.
Reboot Plan:
1. Go hard mode - No P, no M, no (intentional) O
If it get's serious with a girl, share my path and stay with it.
2. No drugs, absolutely no alcohol
3. Work out: Hiking, bicycle, maybe gym
!! Plan weekend trips to get my head clear
4. Eat healthy: No junk food
5. Sleep min. 8 hours per day, get up no later than 7
6. No TV series, only selected movies in cinema.
7. No lying, no showing off, no attention-seeking