The90daywar
Member
So I have been working on my PMO problem for many years. The last 3 years I have been working hard at it. I have failed many times and felt very upset with myself that I couldn?t ever make it past 6 weeks clean. I have been journaling privately and looked back on the past 3 years. I had to find something positive and I did. I went form PMO every 7 days up to 10 days and now its weeks at a time. Also the type of porn.
Something that is very shocking to me is the type of porn I used to PMO to. Looking back just 10 years the porn on the Tube sites has gotten much more sick. Porn has rapidly changed. If a person that never got into this stuff saw the front page of a tube site they would be utterly repulsed by 90% of the clips. The more I stay away from it the more I realize I hate that type of degrading porn. I feel so sad for the kids of this generation being exposed to this stuff. I feel sad for the women who are being degraded and used in this way.
The less I PMO the more I am seeing changes in myself. Less anxiety, more sleep and when I do relapse I get right back on the wagon. I don?t go to Tube sites anymore. My conscience bothers me way more when I do relapse and that?s a good thing. I have two people in my congregation that I have confided in and I have told them I will reach out to them each time I relapse. This has been a huge help along with prayer and bible study. With Open DNS I have blocked all porn, search engines and YouTube. I know I can get around this but I don?t want to. I feel so good when I don?t PMO. I feel so rotten after I do. I am getting older now and I want to be happy and loving to my wife in the last years of life on this earth. I want to have a clean conscience and feel good every day. I feel great today and have been doing good for the last 4 months. I feel that I am on the verge of really kicking this disgusting habit. I will never give up. I will keep making progress day by day, week by week, month by month. In my case I will never be ?cured? but that?s ok as long as I am not a slave to PMO. I hate PMO.
Something that is very shocking to me is the type of porn I used to PMO to. Looking back just 10 years the porn on the Tube sites has gotten much more sick. Porn has rapidly changed. If a person that never got into this stuff saw the front page of a tube site they would be utterly repulsed by 90% of the clips. The more I stay away from it the more I realize I hate that type of degrading porn. I feel so sad for the kids of this generation being exposed to this stuff. I feel sad for the women who are being degraded and used in this way.
The less I PMO the more I am seeing changes in myself. Less anxiety, more sleep and when I do relapse I get right back on the wagon. I don?t go to Tube sites anymore. My conscience bothers me way more when I do relapse and that?s a good thing. I have two people in my congregation that I have confided in and I have told them I will reach out to them each time I relapse. This has been a huge help along with prayer and bible study. With Open DNS I have blocked all porn, search engines and YouTube. I know I can get around this but I don?t want to. I feel so good when I don?t PMO. I feel so rotten after I do. I am getting older now and I want to be happy and loving to my wife in the last years of life on this earth. I want to have a clean conscience and feel good every day. I feel great today and have been doing good for the last 4 months. I feel that I am on the verge of really kicking this disgusting habit. I will never give up. I will keep making progress day by day, week by week, month by month. In my case I will never be ?cured? but that?s ok as long as I am not a slave to PMO. I hate PMO.