Hi Guys,
So I'm starting on this journey to ban this porn addiction for good. I've tried multiple times in the past, but have never called it an addiction before or created a journal for it. I really hope this time it will be for the long run.
First of all, thanks for all the journals that I've read so far. They are an inspiration and I hope mine will be too for other people. Mostly because I experience downsides to this addiction that I've not read so clearly before and would like to point out.
Backstory
38 year old guy, been watching porn regularly since my early teens. Currently in a steady relationship, but experiencing mental downsides which I blame my consumption of porn for partially. I really regret watching so much porn in my formative years as it has formed me mentally all quirkly. Let me explain in the current symptoms.
Current symptoms
[list type=decimal]
[*]I feel like I have low self esteem and feel like girls are superior to me in a way. In fact almost everyone that feels ok with their own sexuality basically feels superior to me. A good example for instance is when my girlfriend mentions some earlier casual experience, I feel less and it makes me very insecure. I can rationalize it all I want, but it doesn't take away the insecurityor bad feeling it gives thinking about it. I don't have this when she talks about earlier experiences in a relationship. That doesn't bother me
[*]I really compare myself a lot with other people and not in a good way. This is connected to the previous point. But you can image that comparing subconciously with the enormous amount of porn I have consumed in my life does not give me a very good feeling about my own sexual confidence
[*]A lot of mood swings and borderline depressing thoughts mostly about my self or negative, angry feelings about my partner (feeling the victim, however unjustified)
[/list]
What do I hope to gain from quiting porn?
[list type=decimal]
[*]Accept, respect and appreciate my partner being a sexual being, with me and with people before me without feeling intimidated by that
[*]Accept, respect en appreciate myself being a sexual being and enjoying this without feeling ashamed, frustrated, angry or confused
[*]Feel better about myself as a person
[/list]
I realize this list of goals is huge and are not only connected to my porn consumption all these years, but I do think a lot is connected to it. I am just afraid that a lot of damage is done beyond repair, mostly during my formative years. But specifically for that reason I'm really curious and excited to go on this journey and ban porn for good!
I started on 29-10-2020 and here's to a porn-free future!
I'm very curious, does anybody else experience these mental downsides? If so, how are you coping? Would love to hear from you!
So I'm starting on this journey to ban this porn addiction for good. I've tried multiple times in the past, but have never called it an addiction before or created a journal for it. I really hope this time it will be for the long run.
First of all, thanks for all the journals that I've read so far. They are an inspiration and I hope mine will be too for other people. Mostly because I experience downsides to this addiction that I've not read so clearly before and would like to point out.
Backstory
38 year old guy, been watching porn regularly since my early teens. Currently in a steady relationship, but experiencing mental downsides which I blame my consumption of porn for partially. I really regret watching so much porn in my formative years as it has formed me mentally all quirkly. Let me explain in the current symptoms.
Current symptoms
[list type=decimal]
[*]I feel like I have low self esteem and feel like girls are superior to me in a way. In fact almost everyone that feels ok with their own sexuality basically feels superior to me. A good example for instance is when my girlfriend mentions some earlier casual experience, I feel less and it makes me very insecure. I can rationalize it all I want, but it doesn't take away the insecurityor bad feeling it gives thinking about it. I don't have this when she talks about earlier experiences in a relationship. That doesn't bother me
[*]I really compare myself a lot with other people and not in a good way. This is connected to the previous point. But you can image that comparing subconciously with the enormous amount of porn I have consumed in my life does not give me a very good feeling about my own sexual confidence
[*]A lot of mood swings and borderline depressing thoughts mostly about my self or negative, angry feelings about my partner (feeling the victim, however unjustified)
[/list]
What do I hope to gain from quiting porn?
[list type=decimal]
[*]Accept, respect and appreciate my partner being a sexual being, with me and with people before me without feeling intimidated by that
[*]Accept, respect en appreciate myself being a sexual being and enjoying this without feeling ashamed, frustrated, angry or confused
[*]Feel better about myself as a person
[/list]
I realize this list of goals is huge and are not only connected to my porn consumption all these years, but I do think a lot is connected to it. I am just afraid that a lot of damage is done beyond repair, mostly during my formative years. But specifically for that reason I'm really curious and excited to go on this journey and ban porn for good!
I started on 29-10-2020 and here's to a porn-free future!
I'm very curious, does anybody else experience these mental downsides? If so, how are you coping? Would love to hear from you!