32 year old male. Discovered online porn at around the age of 14. Thought it was incredible and have been locked into it ever since.
Trying to stop began as a kind of joke between a few other recruits when I joined the military. We decided to put $20 each in a pot; the person who could go the longest without wanking would win (Obviously honesty based). I lost after two weeks, while I was in the camp hospital with an illness (Damn my honesty). There was no porn involved here, just my imagination, but I consider masturbation and porn to be the same problem in my case.
Over the years, and along with a few other life disasters, most notably an attempt to manage myself with psychedelics, which backfired horribly, to say the least. What began as a joke morphed into the great evil in my life. I kept trying to stop and each time I failed, my perception of the act continued to become more serious and heavy. I couldn't understand why I couldn't control it.
It's now crossed over into something spiritual/existential where I feel I have dishonoured myself through this indisputable addiction, and if it's not the cause of my misery then it is certainly a contributor. It wasn't until recently that I was able to actually accept the label of addiction, after having read "Your Brain On Porn" and learning that addiction is a generalised disorder and brain structure.
What's all the more frustrating is that my business is online based, so I cannot escape the risk vector of internet use.
The making of this journal is at least in part driven by my limited understanding of social neuroscience and my hope that by sharing this with a community I leverage the part of the brain that draws upon social connections to motivate a male. I would also like to be victorious in this development of self and for that victory to inspire others to overcome what can only be described as an insidious illness.
I would make me happy to have my presence here contribute positively to the efforts of others. I intend for this also to be a reading journal; I want to try and channel my efforts into reading books, which will give me a head start with my college enrolment that I intend to make if I can finally dispose of this problem.
I am on day 3. I finished "The Prince" by Niccolo Machiavelli yesterday, and am now finishing "The Book of Dust" by Philip Pullman
Trying to stop began as a kind of joke between a few other recruits when I joined the military. We decided to put $20 each in a pot; the person who could go the longest without wanking would win (Obviously honesty based). I lost after two weeks, while I was in the camp hospital with an illness (Damn my honesty). There was no porn involved here, just my imagination, but I consider masturbation and porn to be the same problem in my case.
Over the years, and along with a few other life disasters, most notably an attempt to manage myself with psychedelics, which backfired horribly, to say the least. What began as a joke morphed into the great evil in my life. I kept trying to stop and each time I failed, my perception of the act continued to become more serious and heavy. I couldn't understand why I couldn't control it.
It's now crossed over into something spiritual/existential where I feel I have dishonoured myself through this indisputable addiction, and if it's not the cause of my misery then it is certainly a contributor. It wasn't until recently that I was able to actually accept the label of addiction, after having read "Your Brain On Porn" and learning that addiction is a generalised disorder and brain structure.
What's all the more frustrating is that my business is online based, so I cannot escape the risk vector of internet use.
The making of this journal is at least in part driven by my limited understanding of social neuroscience and my hope that by sharing this with a community I leverage the part of the brain that draws upon social connections to motivate a male. I would also like to be victorious in this development of self and for that victory to inspire others to overcome what can only be described as an insidious illness.
I would make me happy to have my presence here contribute positively to the efforts of others. I intend for this also to be a reading journal; I want to try and channel my efforts into reading books, which will give me a head start with my college enrolment that I intend to make if I can finally dispose of this problem.
I am on day 3. I finished "The Prince" by Niccolo Machiavelli yesterday, and am now finishing "The Book of Dust" by Philip Pullman
