Torn to pieces

As a sex addict part of the addiction is shame, shame of your being found out for what your viewing but shame for also what you desire to do but feel ashamed to do with your love one, this is the situation I find myself in the difference with me is the things I viewed my wife is prepared to do them for me, but here is the ahhh  my wife has been through a number of bad relationships were she was physically or sexually abused by the men she was with, out of respect for what she had been through I thought it wrong to ask her if we could do the things I had seen in films, I didn't want her to think I was just sexually taking advantage of her like the other men so I never pursued things with her, it's only now after her catching me acting out again and us talking that she feels that her sexual enjoyment has been stunted because of me not doing certain things with her, my misplaced respect if that can be misplaced has brought us to the verge of divorce, we before admit that we both should have been forthcoming with each other, my advice to anyone reading this be open and frank with each other, come to an agreement of what you both like and desire and be respectful of each others boundaries, don't end up like me  Jo to a video clip wishing it was your wife doing it and she wants to do it.

Speaking to my wife I've truly realised the uselessness of porn, I never had an orgasm Jo to it I ejaculated but it was more like going for a piss or a dump, no joy just something you do as part of your day, that is the reality of what my porn addiction had become an automatic early morning response a soulless experience with nothing gained but lost time with my wife, I'm hoping my wife will continue to be with me through this journey but I'm reminded even though I've discovered my wife is happy to do for me sexually what I used to watch I HAVE TO BEAT THIS ADDICTION FOR ME, remind myself all the time I'm powerless and only my higher power can help me which means I have to submit truly to my higher power and trust in God 100%.

I'm AK I'm a porn addict, I'm 5 days into recovery taking it one day at a time,

Hi AK,

I was very moved by your post. I am truly sorry for the pain and shame you are experiencing. I think many people here will benefit from what you have written. This is proof that GOD works all things for good including your pain.

I have recently joined reboot nation. I found myself watching porn at the most ridiculous times and in ridiculous places. Needless to say, you know it's bad when you are viewing and the consequences of being caught could completely blow up your world!

Fortunately, I recognized that I was being a complete idiot and am now motivated to change more now than I have been in a long while.

I will pray for you and your wife. You can beat this and you can save your marriage.

God Bless You Alex,
QTR

Thx you for your kind it truly means a lot, thankfully in the last few days myself and my wife have had some very honest conversations with each, she's asked me questions about my addiction I've been honest with her although it was hard for me, in turn she has given me further insight as to how she is filling and the inner workings of the porn industry, she was an anti porn supporter even before she found out about my addiction.

I truly have to thank God for getting me this far  I know I cant make the rest of the way with out him, I'm grounding myself in constantly reminding myself I have no power over this addiction but he does so I'm asking him for his power not my will power because if I had any I wouldn't be here.

I'm just taking it one day at a time, I'm AK I'm a porn addict but I'll fight every day to make it a past event of my life NOT MY LIFE