Cautiously Optimistic

C

cautiouslyoptimistic

Member
Everything deleted, subscriptions cancelled, OpenDNS filter set, told my closest friend. The journey begins.

I have been addicted with increasing intensity since high school. Truly, I cannot imagine what life will be like without it.   

Words of wisdom or support are welcome.
 
mousemat1

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
It's difficult at times and will test your strength to breaking point.

I haven't really suffered any strong withdrawal symptoms but porn is always lurking in the background so stay attentive.

I do, however, feel much better for not having watched porn for almost 7 months. It's difficult to say in what ways, but I remember there was a heavy cloud which followed me round when I was a user and the cloud isn't there now.

Good luck!
 
C

cautiouslyoptimistic

Member
So, I've made it to end of Day 1 (almost) and so far so good. I woke up with a real craving for it but powered through. Thoughts were there throughout the day, but it wasn't overwhelming. After work, I went to visit my family so that was a distraction. When I got back home, the thoughts were there but I've been able to resist.

Not sure how I feel about it all. Questioning my motivation for the reboot. Will it actually make things better? I do miss it, but I'm ok at the moment.
 
bob

bob

Respected Member
Cautious,

I can unequivocally say life will be better without porn. Its not easy but it is much better.

Great to have you here and I encourage you to discuss your progress. It help in the long run and allows you to see how you have progressed.

Peace
 
Qtrmilerun

Qtrmilerun

Member
Life is going to be incredibly different and WAY better.

Remember, when you get a craving it's simply your brain (chemical reaction) saying "HEY, I NEED a FIX!". Luckily, you understand this and can say "No!" you don't need a fix. The longer you deny the brain what it is begging for the weaker the cries for the fix become. It doesn't take too long before you notice the cravings beginning to fade. SAY NO!

QTR
 
C

cautiouslyoptimistic

Member
After a day of no porn, I slipped and I've been on a binge for several days. I underestimated how firm porn's hold on me is. It's not just psychological, it's physical. My brain seemed to "fight back."

So, back on the wagon with new insight and determination. No matter how many times I fall, I'm going to keep getting back on. I'm ready to get rid of porn in my life. Wish me luck!
 
bob

bob

Respected Member
Good to see your positive attitude. That is vital in beating this thing. Slip, learn, adjust, and move on. Remember, you don't fail unless you quit and give up.

Good Luck!
 
C

cautiouslyoptimistic

Member
Two days fap free. Not too bad. Occasional craving, but staying pretty busy keeps my mind occupied.

Hardest part is going to be reminding myself why I'm doing this. The temptation is to think, "Well, it's not that big of a deal" and slip back into old patterns. Tbh, the level of my addiction was increasing to the point that porn wasn't even satisfying anymore. I needed more and more, harder and harder, and it still wasn't enough. I thought, if this is where I am in my mid-40s, where will I be in 5, 10, 15 years? That's what I have to remember.

Tomorrow... day 3. Wish me luck.
 
C

cautiouslyoptimistic

Member
Three days free. No strong cravings, just the lure of habit, which hasn't been too hard to overcome. The danger zone is my thinking that, "One time won't hurt." The cold turkey approach seems extreme and unnatural, but I think it's the only way. Even "one time" would likely lead me down the binge pathway.

I do notice that already my thinking is clearer. Looking forward to what changes I see during the coming weeks. Just have to hang on...

Wish me luck.
 
C

cautiouslyoptimistic

Member
Well, I made it 3 days porn-free and fell off the wagon. Binging for the last couple of days. I'm not disappointed, to be honest. I know that initially it's hard to break patterns that took 30+ years to develop.

I think maybe I'm still not truly committed. I still lapse back into thinking, "It's no big deal. Why deny myself?" To be successful, I have to convince myself that porn is not an option. What will it take?

I'm going to keep trying.
 
mousemat1

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
OK, your challenge now is 6 days porn free!

Relapsing is a normal part of the process. It does set you back, especially if you binge. Believe me, if you don't already have full blown PIED, you really don't want to develop it.

Start again, and good luck!
 
bob

bob

Respected Member
Cautious,

Remember that these feelings are our brain trying to get you to partake in activities that dump dopamine. If you don't want to be a part of this process, you have to be strong and tell your brain No.

I had a challenge (still do) passing adult bookstores. I found that if I vocally said NO! when I had a thought or when I was about to pass by on the road. It actually helped. I said it whenever the thought arose and my wife asked me once, "did you say something,' but it helped.

More power to you and I agree. Your challenge is 6 days now.

Peace
 
HarveyManfrengensen

HarveyManfrengensen

Member
Keep trying!  you can do it!!  I'm doing it with you.  I am at about 6 days porn free right now.  I had a small relapse at day 8 then started over.   

Have you told someone about what you are doing?  about your addiction?  I told my wife and it helps keep me in line.  I think I would've already returned to looking at it if I had not given myself someone to be accountable to.

Good Luck!
 
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