06/29/2018 - I've been working on this porn compulsion for years with mixed success, but mostly failure. I finally decided to face it head on. I told my wife about it and I just started seeing a therapist who specializes in compulsive behavior, including porn addiction. I've seen him twice now, and have had 3 slips in the past two weeks. We've worked on setting some boundaries to reduce the opportunity to use porn, which works pretty well for the most part. My problem is taking the first step when the beginning of an urge presents itself. In the past I've used a number of techniques I've learned from online porn forums and recovery courses, but since they don't work, my therapist suggested a more direct and immediate approach. Still working on following that one before things get out of hand. When I see him on Monday I'll have to let him know everything that's been going on this week, which I'm not looking forward to. (I don't like to admit failure, and I'd rather pretend everything is fine, but that would only hurt me, not help me.) So I'm going to just lay it all out and see what next steps he thinks I should take.
My most recent slip, last night/this morning was precipitated by something someone said to me that really hurt and angered me. Normally I believe that a man is as hurt/angry/happy/sad as he makes his mind up to be, but this I believe this was deliberately said to get under my skin, and unfortunately, I let it. When the urge started, I tried to let it go and to concentrate on the positive aspects of the situation, and how indulging my porn compulsion would go completely counter to my value system. It worked just for a bit, and then I caved once again. I'm still feeling bruised over the statement, even though I'm slowly letting go of it, and I'm embarrassed, guilty, and shamed for my reaction to it and by my slip. So I'm back to work again.
My most recent slip, last night/this morning was precipitated by something someone said to me that really hurt and angered me. Normally I believe that a man is as hurt/angry/happy/sad as he makes his mind up to be, but this I believe this was deliberately said to get under my skin, and unfortunately, I let it. When the urge started, I tried to let it go and to concentrate on the positive aspects of the situation, and how indulging my porn compulsion would go completely counter to my value system. It worked just for a bit, and then I caved once again. I'm still feeling bruised over the statement, even though I'm slowly letting go of it, and I'm embarrassed, guilty, and shamed for my reaction to it and by my slip. So I'm back to work again.
