P
punctual doer
Guest
365 days left...
Now, the real thing begins.
Masturbation, Porn or Lust is a sin that destroys the human being. This last PMO relapse left me dead inside, stressed, broke, extremely bitter and desperate.
I want to cry, rest, take a long vacation for healing alone, I wish it has never happened 3 years ago where I met my biggest crush. But now it happened, and from relapse to relapse, I am here again stressed, unproductive, broken-hearted and full of hatred because "people want me to fail".
I'm not doing that anymore I want to stop and live a normal bright life.
This is so hard, cold and dumb out there in the starting reboot phase. I am suicidal, tired, tired of getting tired because of unfollowing my daily plan and missing meals, feeling wothless not shaved nor showered.
My parents were separated BEFORE my birth and I saw my mother going from one then another one man, now she's with a 60 something guy with a big enough house, it is where I live. And my father is an alcoholic living alone unemployed since 10 years. I was beaten and humiliated during my childhood and teenage years. But now, the victim card is over: I AM FULLY RESPONSIBLE for my situation. And it is so crazy because my personal wishes for my own life are OPPOSITE to my parents family lifestyle even though they live "normally". I'm kinda handling schizofrenia.
And the porn industry doesn't give a shit, people wanting lust don't give a shit also and the whole wrong world full of negative and toxic shit attitudes doesn't give a shit too.
I chose the RIGHT PATH which means ACTING RIGHT ON TIME EVERYDAY.
Maybe I should stop writing here and finish my 2 extremely URGENT internship sheets. Oh boy...
I am so alone, I am broken-hearted, I am less than half alive. This is horrible. My life is currently deeply downstairs, my grades are catastrophic, the atmosphere in my school (2nd and last year, amen!) is so dumb full of smoking shit agitated noisy wankers from another planet, lol. Damn... But I know I just have to follow my daily plan, be shaved, showered, dressed up, my workout done to feel NORMAL HEALTHY. That's all it is. That's all it is my God... It's like I never can be like I want. There's always some evil sinfull past guilty shit in my head and BAM!! relapse again, starting over then... I'm FUCKING TIRED OF THIS!!!!!! Screw this!!! Fuck off porn and masturbation and lust also!!! I want to be healthy FOREVER!!!!! You hear me?? That's all I am about.
And bitches can go screw themselves I'm a pure man who knows exactly what he wants. So fuck off to all these parasites!!
Like blastphamousHD say, that's hella fucked up man... But for me this is my little exit path leading to my starting re-birth. I have to stop screwing myself LOL.
I don't do drugs but I AM a drug addict with PMO. I am in my chaotic dormroom and I feel like a hopeless homeless, exhausted. That last relapse has been too much this time. It's scary and stressfull but yet I am cool due to my desensitized brainfog I guess. I am officially a zombie. I want to heal from that the fastest.
I slept with my clothes. Exhausted, I didn't do a shit well in school (noisy dumb shit people).
Now, the real thing begins.
Masturbation, Porn or Lust is a sin that destroys the human being. This last PMO relapse left me dead inside, stressed, broke, extremely bitter and desperate.
I want to cry, rest, take a long vacation for healing alone, I wish it has never happened 3 years ago where I met my biggest crush. But now it happened, and from relapse to relapse, I am here again stressed, unproductive, broken-hearted and full of hatred because "people want me to fail".
I'm not doing that anymore I want to stop and live a normal bright life.
This is so hard, cold and dumb out there in the starting reboot phase. I am suicidal, tired, tired of getting tired because of unfollowing my daily plan and missing meals, feeling wothless not shaved nor showered.
My parents were separated BEFORE my birth and I saw my mother going from one then another one man, now she's with a 60 something guy with a big enough house, it is where I live. And my father is an alcoholic living alone unemployed since 10 years. I was beaten and humiliated during my childhood and teenage years. But now, the victim card is over: I AM FULLY RESPONSIBLE for my situation. And it is so crazy because my personal wishes for my own life are OPPOSITE to my parents family lifestyle even though they live "normally". I'm kinda handling schizofrenia.
And the porn industry doesn't give a shit, people wanting lust don't give a shit also and the whole wrong world full of negative and toxic shit attitudes doesn't give a shit too.
I chose the RIGHT PATH which means ACTING RIGHT ON TIME EVERYDAY.
Maybe I should stop writing here and finish my 2 extremely URGENT internship sheets. Oh boy...
I am so alone, I am broken-hearted, I am less than half alive. This is horrible. My life is currently deeply downstairs, my grades are catastrophic, the atmosphere in my school (2nd and last year, amen!) is so dumb full of smoking shit agitated noisy wankers from another planet, lol. Damn... But I know I just have to follow my daily plan, be shaved, showered, dressed up, my workout done to feel NORMAL HEALTHY. That's all it is. That's all it is my God... It's like I never can be like I want. There's always some evil sinfull past guilty shit in my head and BAM!! relapse again, starting over then... I'm FUCKING TIRED OF THIS!!!!!! Screw this!!! Fuck off porn and masturbation and lust also!!! I want to be healthy FOREVER!!!!! You hear me?? That's all I am about.
And bitches can go screw themselves I'm a pure man who knows exactly what he wants. So fuck off to all these parasites!!
Like blastphamousHD say, that's hella fucked up man... But for me this is my little exit path leading to my starting re-birth. I have to stop screwing myself LOL.
I don't do drugs but I AM a drug addict with PMO. I am in my chaotic dormroom and I feel like a hopeless homeless, exhausted. That last relapse has been too much this time. It's scary and stressfull but yet I am cool due to my desensitized brainfog I guess. I am officially a zombie. I want to heal from that the fastest.
I slept with my clothes. Exhausted, I didn't do a shit well in school (noisy dumb shit people).