"I can control the Zero. F*ck the Zero"

What are the main 3 reasons why you want to get rid of your porn and/or masturbation addiction?

  • 11. To have a wet dream

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    39

jnv

Well-Known Member
Hello there!

How could I start (sorry in advance for any mistake, English isn't my native language) ... Well, I came across this website this weekend after browsing from websites to websites.

I think the beginning of the story is quite basic and common so I'll try to keep it as short as possible. I started watching porn during my early teenage years when my family got high speed internet and I've been doing it every single day since that day. Sometimes only once per day, some other day 5,6,7 times.... I would do it whenever I was bored, horny, sad, etc for whatever reason.

I've always done lots of sports, I had friends etc, so I thought I was exactly the same as every other guy my age except for one thing, girls. For whatever reason, I didn't (even though it's a bit better now, it's not top notch) have the confidence required to get a gf. I had some "friends" who were girls and even though I was told that I was a quite handsome athletic guy I COULDN'T get any to be my gf by lack of confidence and I started to get trapped in a kind of vicious circle of frustration which led to more MPO (to the point I would only be able to get excited only to some sort of fetishes I'd be too ashamed to list.....).

So up until my mid 20s, my only experience with girls was porn and the reason why it happened is mainly because I didn't feel any need at all to get a gf since porn could give me unlimited pleasure in such a short amount of time that the thought of flirting and miking efforts to get a gf seemed too exhausting to me. I started to become really angry with myself because since my teenage years, I've been told by many girls that I was quite handsome, attractive, etc and that if I had some balls and tried something during parties, I could have many pretty girls but ALL I could do during parties was NOTHING AT ALL except watch other guys getting the girls and I start telling me there really was something wrong with me. Just so you can understand how shy I am with girls, 4 years ago, we were coming back from a party and we were around 15 people( 8-9 girls) in a van, I was sitting next to a smoking hot acquaintance who is a model etc. At the time, her relationship was really wobbly and uncertain and she told me something like: "MMhh you are very hot tonight, I feel strange.... I'm kind of horny but I don't know why..." while looking at me in the eyes (we all were a bit drunk but whatever) and all I managed to say to her on the spot was "you are really beautiful too.." because I freaked out... and then we all went to bed...

Well I decided to try and change all of this 3 years ago when I decided to work a lot on myself for a change about how to become more confident with women (PUA etc) so I did the common thing, googling, read a lot on the topic on internet etc and managed to date my first girl ever. It was a huge achievement in my life since it was a cute Asian girl, which was kind of a fantasy of mine (maybe a residue of porn fetishism...). It lasted like 6 month and it was the first time ever I realized no matter how bad or worthless/desperate you think you are, by hard work, you can change and achieve some goals.

During this first experience with that girl, I encountered my first sexual problem, which I first thought would be premature ejaculation but no, the  exact opposite  occured to me. The very first time we tried to make love, I just couldn't have an erection. I immediately made the link with porn and the fact that even though I found this girl extremely attractive and sexy, the stimuli didn't work on me the same way porn did. I then (without knowing all the theory about rebooting etc) improvised a reboot without knowing if it would eventually lead me to any success. After  2 weeks of no PMO and 3 failed attempt with the girl, I managed to keep and erection for a very long time. At that time, I was very satisfied with this improvement and everything went as good for the next 5 months during which I wouldn't PMO at all (this is not exactly correct. I did PMO but using a man masturbation toy simply to get rid of the death grip from classical masturbation, which I thought was a big part of the problem, and it worked quite well since I regained (although very light) some sensibility with the girl in question). Besides the 2 times in the week I would see her, I didn't allow myself to get sexually stimulated (by hands) only for the sake of my sexual health.
During that time, there was still a problem which remained and was the relative numbness of my penis. During the first successful attempt with that girl, even though I managed to keep an erection, I barely had sensations (with condom) and very little by little, by the end of the 6th month, I started to feel something pleasurable (I'd say I went from 5% of sensation to 10%) but the progresses were very slow. In term of sensibility, I was still to the point where seeing her body and her facial expression was what made me keep an erection and wihtout any visual stimuli I'd lose tit.
After that I had 2 quick experiences with other girls but then again, I fell into that vicous circle of low self esteem (it's been the case for the last 2 years) up until this weekend.

So here I am, I came upon this website and the NoFap section on reddit this week end and have started the NoFap thing.

I'm not sure yet (I still have a lot to read on the subject) but i still have hope that by resolving this issue, many other aspects of my life will get better. (better self-esteem, stick to my goal, having more energy, better concentration, behave more manly, etc) I don't want to live like this anymore because I really have the feeling that it is actually ruining my life and what could be the best years of it... I would say that my expectations are really huge because I look at this change as a potential rebirth.

Although day 1 and  2 were easy, today on day 3, it was quite difficult because I watched porn quite a few times keeping myself on the edge when I decided to put an end to this. So I decided to erase and empty all of my 750gb worth of porn I gathered on a external hard drive over years because I think I needed a meaningful act to really realize that I needed that change.

I wasn't sure about writing all of this in a journal (it's the first time I confess about that) but this site looks great so I hope I'll learn a lot from this community and that I'll be able to be of help as well!

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

I'm sure this whole journey will allow me to unlock my true potential in life and I want to use that to achieve some things.
Here is a glimpse of what I want to achieve in the short/middle term.

Achievements:

PMO:

Getting healed from Delayed Ejaculation: UNLOCK
Being able to O through VP: UNLOCK
Getting my first Wet Dream ever: UNLOCK

7 days no Porn: DONE
30 days no Porn: DONE
45 days no Porn: UNLOCK
90 days no Porn: UNLOCK
120 days no Porn: UNLOCK
180 days no Porn: UNLOCK
365 days no Porn: UNLOCK

7 days Nofap: DONE
30 days Nofap: DONE
45 days Nofap: DONE
90 days Nofap: UNLOCK
120 days Nofap: UNLOCK
180 days Nofap: UNLOCK
365 days: Nofap: UNLOCK

Video Games:
30 days no Gaming: DONE
90 days no Gaming: DONE
180 days no Gaming: DONE
365 days no Gaming: DONE
2 years no Gaming:

Work Out:
20 Push Ups straight: DONE
30 Push Ups straight: DONE
40 Push Ups straight: DONE
50 Push Ups straight: UNLOCK

10 Dips straight: DONE
15 Dips straight: DONE
20 Dips straight: UNLOCK
25 Dips straight: UNLOCK
30 Dips straight: UNLOCK

10 Pull Ups straight: DONE
15 Pull Ups straight: DONE
20 Pull Ups straight: UNLOCK
25 Pull Ups straight: UNLOCK
30 Pull Ups straight: UNLOCK

1 One hand Push Up: UNLOCK
5 One hand Push Ups straight: UNLOCK
Mastering the human flag: UNLOCK

Academics:
Law 1st year: DONE
Law 2nd year: UNLOCK
Law 3rd year: UNLOCK
Getting an official B2 level in Dutch: UNLOCK
Getting an official B2 level in Spanish: UNLOCK
 

tschulien

Member
Hi and welcome to the community!
Just like you I used PMO over years and I was always shy in front of girls. You took the first and most important step already. You know you have a problem and you know what to do. I was so dumb I never questioned my behavior until my first sexual experience where I couldn't keep my erection. I have to say it's easy for me to stay away from porn, but not masturbating is more challenging since I used to do it every day over years.
In order to stop PMO, I can only recommend to tell someone close about your goal. That way you'd have to confess not only to yourself, but also the the other person that you relapsed which definitely isn't much fun. (works for me very well)

Just do it and don't give up!
 

miomio

Active Member
jnv said:
I wasn't sure about writing all of this in a journal (it's the first time I confess about that) but this site looks great so I hope I'll learn a lot from this community and that I'll be able to be of help as well!

ps: sorry for my English which isn't my mother tongue!

Thank God for you rebooter! Finally, someone I can relate to almost perfectly! The next couple of days will be a bumpy road, but it's so(ooo) worth it. My normal venue of pmo would be in my bedroom, so I removed everything that would remind or push me towards internet porn. Ultimately, banning my computer from the bed room for good. Maybe changing your surrounding will help you too, often a clean room also results in a clear head :D

Keep up the motivation and work on your change!

 

jnv

Well-Known Member
Hey. Thanks for the replies and support.

Today was a lot easier than yesterday. I think that the fact I deleted all my files from the computer as well as all my bookmarks helps me a lot. I replaced the wallpapers previously made of top-models by a collection of all the capital cities from all around the world! xD and I must confess that it helps a lot just not to get tempted.

I also took some measure in case I would relapse. I entered some common porn websites in the options of my firewall (in the options of my router, locked under a heavy password) so that my browser wouldn't open these exact websites. I could always remove the denied access but I would have to re enter the long password and that way, I hope it would give me more time to think about what I'm about to do.

What I basically try to do is get my mind busy with other things as much as possible to give me more chances not to relapse and let's hope these changes are for the better.


therewillbehope said:
In order to stop PMO, I can only recommend to tell someone close about your goal. That way you'd have to confess not only to yourself, but also the the other person that you relapsed which definitely isn't much fun. (works for me very well)

I don't think I'm ready to talk about it to someone close and I think the reason why I decided to participate on this forum was to get a substitute for this. Maybe if I relapse several times, I'll change my mind about it though!

miomio said:
The next couple of days will be a bumpy road, but it's so(ooo) worth it.

I really hope you are right! thanks again for the support. I'm aware that the longer it'll become, the harder it will get but i'm ready for the battle! :)
 

jnv

Well-Known Member
Day 4:

Today was ok. I decided to get rid of some soft pictures I still had on my computer even though they were not related to porn. In the end of the afternoon, I was checking my firefox to get rid of the last bookmarks I still got from porn scenes (kind of a follow up of my getting rid of all my videos) and it was quite a difficult moment. I ended up clicking on one of the links to check (to check what, I still wonder! ...) I got an erection, was heading for trouble but I held on and managed to close everything! So now, my computer should be entirely cleared of any pic or video related to porn.

Other than that, I try to do lots of things to get my mind busy. I started sport again and went for a 1h long run and felt really good about it afterward.

So end of day 4 and looking forward to next day!
 

miomio

Active Member
jnv said:
Day 4:

I ended up clicking on one of the links to check (to check what, I still wonder! ...) I got an erection, was heading for trouble but I held on and managed to close everything! So now, my computer should be entirely cleared of any pic or video related to porn.

Haha, I can remember deleting all my traces of porn, even before my rebooting :D You'll get over it! Sometimes, memories of past virtual lovers will return, but then again, you'll work on it and make the fade away again.

I was equipped with a laptop from work a couple of weeks ago. I'm using the device for personal purposes too and told myself to keep it completely porn free. So far, so good :D
 

jnv

Well-Known Member
Day 5:
Haha yes. Well, I'm still at the beginning of my journey but I can already feel that not being in contact with even soft alluring pictures helps my mind stay away from porn and focus on other things. I used to check some tatoo websites to get ideas and inspiration (from an artistic perspective, really) but now, retrospectively, I realize that all these women with only 10cm? of fabric from those sites often were the trigger for my visiting porn websites without me realizing it.

Thank to that, I do not think about porn or masturbating at all (yayy!) BUT I do feel a bit more tired and lazier than usual (tired enough to feel the need of taking a nap) even though I sleept well/enough and didn't do anything really tiring. I guess it might be an after-effect of 5 days of abstinence and a shock for my poor brain! :D

btw, I'm reading more and more on the topic on YBOP and do realize now some things I never thought could be possible about how PMO can affect lives. I find it amazing though.
 

jnv

Well-Known Member
Day 6:
I have mixed feelings today (and it had been the case the last 3 days). I do NOT feeling the urge to masturbate or check porn etc and I just do not think about it AT ALL and that's great (I thought it would have been the hardest part since I consider myself as a "former" huge porn addict) but I feel lazy (and a bit tired as well) as ****! For the last months I had set some goals such as learning German and I stuck to it quite well, but since I started my NoFap thing, I just can't bring my self to study anymore and instead, I just watch movies/series, listen to music etc :/
btw: it's the weekend and I contacted some friends to hang out so I do smth useful and I really hope I'll make it through that weird feeling :)
 

tschulien

Member
I know what you're going through. In my first couple days of no PMO I had a hard time focusing on school too. (I had more energy, but I still couldn't focus). But after a while it got better, so don't lose hope.
Das mit dem Deutsch wird schon, nur nicht aufgeben! :)
Viel Gl?ck
 

jnv

Well-Known Member
haha Vielen Dank f?r den Ratschlag therewillbehope! :)

Day7:
Woohoo first week done! I find it crazy how things and symptoms can change from day to day! Today I woke up with up morning wood (It hadn't happened to me for such a long time) at 5am and had to read a bit to calm down and get back to sleep. The day has now started and I still feel lazy but not tired like yesterday, I feel full of energy but just do not want to do things. I'll just go outside and force myself to do things!! :)
 

jnv

Well-Known Member
Day 8:
Today is ok, I do not feel any urge at all nor the envy to look at porn. I'm still reading a lot from YBOP and there is something that's been bothering me for a long time now. Even though I can be fun, people often tell me that I'm calm, introvert etc, when in social situations. Now that I've learned a lot on the topic and the benefits of no PMO, I wondering if that was my personality or only (or partially) the result of my brain being foggy due to PMO. Fact is I can't relate to a moment during my teens when I was in "normal" conditions since I have been PMOing as soon as I entered high school. I'm looking forward to seeing some positive changes! :)
 
Happy to hear that! I remember when I had couple of times reached 7-8 days period without P. I was so confident and calm about everything. Always remember that moment and think this is how it should be all the time and it could be even better. Keep it up!
 

jnv

Well-Known Member
Day 9:
Thanks for support! Yeah I suppose the first week must be a tough part of the whole process and seeing all the benefits surely helps a lot.
Deleting all my files + bookmarks definitely was the key in my case because I don't even think about P 99% of the time and when I do (when I unwillingly come across a pic on fb or elsewhere) I just think about what I read on YBOP and it works! Plus, writing my journal helps me staying on track I guess.

 

jnv

Well-Known Member
Day 11:
Nothing changed about my energy/motivation level: it's still pretty low. I really hope it will get better in the next days. To help me and "force" myself not to waste time, I'm gonna stop another addiction I have, video games. Well in fact I only play 1 video game, League of Legends and I spend quite a lot of time on this one. I think it's the right moment to do so while I'm still in the process of improving, it'll probably help myself get motivation back quicker and if not...well it can't be bad for me! I know it will not be easy (tbh, I think it will be much harder for me than not PMOing haha)

On the bright side, I wake up with my 3rd MW since I started which I think is very encouraging since I thought it would take much much much longer to even get my first one. (I didn't have any during my heavy PMO era, and by heavy I mean 3-4 times/day).

It's time to feel better!
 

jnv

Well-Known Member
Day 14:
Hey there. Some update. The last few days were quite hard with the urges to watch P but I somehow managed to hold on and I woke up with MW the last 2 days. Moitivation level is still pretty low and (I don't know if it's related to no PMOing) but I've had some headaches the last 3 days and I feel very tired as well. I do not know if it's a common symptom of the first days of no PMOing but it's quite annoying. I just hope it will go away!
I've got the impression that the headache and the feeling of being tired (and the urge of watching P) is somehow linked to stopping playing videogame. I'm probably experiencing a huge drop in dopamine caused by my attempt to stop these 2 addications at the same time! haha
 

Newman93

Member
Hey there jnv

Just had a read through of your blog. It looks like you're off to a good start, despite having some issues with low mood. My own has fluctuated quite a bit whilst rebooting, so be confident that you wont feel like this for too long.

I think quitting League of Legends was probably a good idea, I also used to play this game (I quit when I started rebooting). It is all too easy to become addicted to these sorts of video games and this can be quite detrimental to your mood and productivity. Have you managed to stay away? (I had to uninstall)

Keep up the good work!
 

jnv

Well-Known Member
Hi Newman.
Well, today was better moodlike. My motivation level was still pretty low but at least I didn't have any headache. Concerning videogames, I've got to admit that I arrived to the point where uninstalling wasn't even enough to stay away from playing and I had already uninstalled/re-installed some game plenty of times. In my teens, I was quite a huge and competitive gamer playing for some top ranking. I discovered LoL quite recently and indeed, you can become addicted very quickly to this sort of game and this time I went ahead of the proble? and asked for my account to be closed so I can't access it. This needed to be done so that I can fully concentrate on my NoFap. I learned that other sources of pleasure (in my case, games) were other huge sources of dopamine and could interfere and hinder the progress on NoFapping

Day 15:

So it's been two weeks now and I can easily say it is the longest I've been without O since the first time I started MO when I was a kid. I unintentionally abstained from MO for 2 weeks when I went on holiday with some friends and it was my reccord back then. So today was ok. When not thinking about porn directly and focus on other things, it find it easynot to get urges. The problem occurs when I unintentionally see pictures of women I find attractive (and I do realize now how common nudity is surrounding us all the time, which is something I didn't really notice before I started my journey, they are everywhere!). In these situation, I have the quick desire to think about sex and thus porn but I efficiently manage to get back on track.
 

jnv

Well-Known Member
Day 17:

Doing great until now. Yesterday was a bit tricky because, while cleaning the house, I stumbled upon some Back Up CDs from previous computer which contained some very old porn stuff I didn't know I still had haha :> I checked the stuff on there for like 1 minute (no vid, mostly  pictures of solo naked girls on bed) and would have wanted to see more but before I got stuck into the spiral, broke the CDs in half and threw them far far away!

Concerning today, I feel a huge burst of energy and motivation through my entire body and woke up quite early with MW. I'm going to get myself prepared for a 30min run while I still have this motivation with me and then will try my first cold shower to check if it can have any positive effect on me.
 

Newman93

Member
Ah that's some bad luck, stumbling on that porn. But great job for destroying them! :)

It sounds like you're coming out of the demotivated mood you've been stuck in, that's really good. I'm sure if you stay active and occupied you'll do just fine.

Keep up the good work!
 
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