Rebooting after shameful experience

Hello people,

I am new to this site, glad I found it right in time. I had tried quitting P several times now but it was until last Friday that I realized of a huge problem that I didn't know I had. Let me back up a little, I am ashamed of what I am about to say but I am 27 years old and still a virgin. I don't want to go much into detail about it but the problem is with social anxiety. I have been close to getting laid but for one or another reason it never happened. Well that is until last Friday I was with this girl and we had a few drinks and went to her place. I was so excited about it but I was in shock when I realized I could not get an erection AT ALL. It was brutal! I was ashamed and had to leave her place, I blamed it on the alcohol and left.

Next day after I sobered up, I got worried and wanted to check if everything was ok down there. I will summarize it to avoid adding triggers in the post. I ended up finding yourbrainonporn.com and after trying a couple of things I realized I could not get an erection unless I was watching or thinking of P.

It is been a year or so that I heard of the nofap movement when I realized that P was bad for me, so I had tried quitting in the past because I wanted to get rid of my social anxiety and there are people that report nofap helps with that. However, I did NOT know it also affected my sexual drive and that is something I am not willing to cope with. It costed me so much effort to finally be with a girl only to realize that I could not get an erection when I really needed it.

Fuck you P, I will never watch that shit again.

So I decided to write a journal here, hoping that will help me stay committed to this reboot.

Thank you reboot nation!

Hey leonziyo,
Yep, youve got a textbook case of PIED. But luckily for you you found this website and the methods to cure yourself of this beast!
Its great that youve resolved never to look at porn again, but take things slowly. As you might know its easy to slip up and back into your old porn habits. Keep an eye out for triggers and try to remember what has triggered you in the past.
Fuck you, porn! thats right! I couldnt agree more. This is the one and only method of really telling porn to fuck off. This reboot thing will fuck it up so much it wont know what hit it. So good for you, one final fuck you to porn!

Day 3

It has been quite easy, I haven't had any cravings so far, which makes it so easy to stay strong. I noticed that before I would get aroused during the day thinking of porn fantasies when I looked at girls in the street. But now none of that happened. It was very cold down there and no thoughts popped into my head. I was actually getting a little worried that I was not getting aroused at all. So, last night I started to provoke myself without touching just with thoughts. I was relieved to know that I was able to get a semi erection, I only had thoughts of the girl I was actually hanging out with last Friday no porn fantasies or anything like that, I kept it very realistic and stopped as soon as I noticed all was working down there.

Overall I feel I have more will power since I started. I have been working out every day except rest days, reading and I have been in a great mood. So I am feeling very positive, I know it has been only 3 days but still I have not felt this good in a while.

Thats great! Keep up the good work and remember how fucking awful porn is that it caused that terrible experience. A ton of good shit will come in the future, that shit is in the past. Also your dick will work 100% you don't need to check it ever, just trust it will work, the less you check it the faster it will work when you are with a girl again.

Day 8
Relapses 0

I have to say this is much easier than any of the other times I have tried it in the past. I mean this is day 8 and so far I have never had any big urges or cravings. Something I noticed is before starting whenever I was working at home in my computer if I started to feel a little stressed I would start to get cravings really fast almost as if it was a way of escaping stress. I no longer feel the need to do that anymore.

I have to say that other times I have tried quitting masturbation and it felt different. I don't remember the exact number of days but it was between 21 and 28 days without masturbating.
However, I had really strong cravings during that time, something that I am not experiencing this time maybe because it has been only 8 days. It also felt more like a dare or challenge of not doing it. However, this time it feels like a lifestyle change, as if I know I will never going to do that ever again. It is hard to put into words but I definitely feel different this time.

I would like to point out that I have been changing habits, instead of focusing on not watching porn and masturbating I started to do new things that I have been wanting to do for a long time.

• Reading before bed instead of watching netflix
• Working out consistently during the week
• Changing my diet
• Started piano lessons
• Meditation in the mornings
• Waking up earlier

I feel like doing all these new things is keeping my mind busy and not giving it time to focus on the addiction. Specially for meditation and working out.

I was reading a very amazing book called: Think and Grow Rich. The book is not about addictions or anything to do with porn but there is chapter in that book that I think helped me a lot.
It is chapter 11 "The Mystery of Sex Transmutation". It says many things but one idea in particular was that whenever you feel a sexual desire, you can transmute that sexual energy into something not sexual.

Thats a good book isnt it. Thats right, you can delegate those feelings to other higher value things. If you put the energy from your sexual desire to cravings for PMO to better use youll get so much done!

Day 13
Relapses 0

Today was the first time I started to feel strong cravings to PMO, I was able to control myself by reminding me how I was feeling at day 1. By doing that I was able to snap out of the temptation very fast. The cravings are much stronger when I am working on my computer in my room. As long as I am outside my room or the house I do not get any strong cravings. I am guessing it is because my room is the only place where I used to PMO. It made me wonder if moving to a new house will make this process much easier or maybe even just moving the furniture in the room. I don't know it was just a thought that crossed my mind.

I injured myself last Wednesday while working out. It really sucks because I have not been able to work out every since, but I am hoping I can heal pretty quickly. Hopefully next week I will be alright.

leonziyo said:

Day 13
Relapses 0

Today was the first time I started to feel strong cravings to PMO, I was able to control myself by reminding me how I was feeling at day 1. By doing that I was able to snap out of the temptation very fast. The cravings are much stronger when I am working on my computer in my room. As long as I am outside my room or the house I do not get any strong cravings. I am guessing it is because my room is the only place where I used to PMO. It made me wonder if moving to a new house will make this process much easier or maybe even just moving the furniture in the room. I don't know it was just a thought that crossed my mind.

I injured myself last Wednesday while working out. It really sucks because I have not been able to work out every since, but I am hoping I can heal pretty quickly. Hopefully next week I will be alright.

Click to expand...

Nice man, day 13 is huge. Keep going, something that helped me in the early days was just asking myself 1 question "Would you rather watch a hot girl having sex? Or do you want to have sex with hot girls?" Idk, it helped me, keep going though!

I usually get cravings around day 13-15 too and then they go for a moment. Knowing it makes it easier to not relapse at this moment.

Interesting journal. I remember reading Think and Grow Rich too, I should definitely read it again and apply it.

Day 30
Relapses 0


I stopped posting in this journal for about 2 weeks but I have been keeping strong, no relapses. It was getting to easy to resist the cravings that I felt I didn't need to post anything to stay motivated. But man, a few minutes ago I had a huge craving to watch porn I almost gave up all the progress I have made so far. I would be feeling so ashamed and disappointed of myself if I actually relapsed. It has been the strongest craving I have had ever since I started. It feels really good to have rejected the temptation. If I was able to resist that then I feel confident I will be able to go another 30 days without relapses.

My will power is being stretched to its limits. I have been making many changes in the way I run my life. I feel the reason I have had strong cravings of porn the last days is because my body is trying to get me to relax for all the strict changes I am making. Today I changed my wakeup time from 8am to 6am, last week I finally started a youtube channel that I had long due. Also, I am sticking to a healthy diet with no tolerance for junk food. So that took a lot of will power, probably exhausting the will power muscle as I call it.

Probably the reason I was able to stay strong is because I was highly motivated and was able to summon a great amount of will power with no problems, but the last few days have been hard to stay strong. So I am coming back to the journal in hope that posting entries will bring some light into what is going on in my mind and keep me motivated.

A couple more things have been going on in my life. I have been seeing a girl from work, and last Friday I almost got laid, but didn't really try because I was nervous about PIED. So we just fooled around in my car. I was able to get strong erections, but only for short periods of time and when she tried a little bit of touching down there I would lose my erection for some reason. She did not seem to mind much as we were a little tipsy. So I know there is still healing to be done but I am glad I am moving forward.

I am very confident that in 30 more days I will be able to have sex with a girl, I will try with this girl because she is really understanding and I feel I can really open up to her. I will be keeping this journal updated more often from now on.

Day 1
Relapses 1 (Too many to count, but first since I re-started the journal)

I am back for good. I stopped journaling back when I started this journal because I thought I did not need it. I went for something like 46 days without porn. At around day 30 or so I thought I had it so I stopped journaling. But I fell back into the nasty habbit. This time I will not stop journaling, there is something about journaling that makes it a commitment and reminds you why are you doing what you are doing. So this time I will not stop journaling.

I moved to Guadalajara city around 3 weeks ago, when I came here I thought it would be easier to quit, but I have been struggling the same to stay out of it.

Let's start the journey again.

Day 4
Relapses 1

I have not had any big urges since I started. This happened last time as well. I have noticed that even though I have relapsed several times. There are times when it feels completely different than other times. For example, the time when I went for 46 days when I started that streak since day one I felt like I was going to go for a long long time and I kind of did. Same thing for this time, it feels like I am going to beat my streak. I do not know how to explain it but it is something that I feel like if I could measure my commitment and it weights a lot. So I am confident I will stop it for sure this time.

There are other times when I start a streak but it does not feel as strong as other times. It is something to consider, this might give some insight as to maybe all we need is the right attitude since the start, realign all of our thoughts and put priorities straight.

FYI, I hired a coach at coach.me and he is been helping me, maybe that created a little more commitment.
Last time I went on a 46 day streak, was after having a shameful experience with PIED, so maybe that was enough for me to commit for real.

I have also noticed that yesterday even though I did not have urges to watch porn I did have urges to procrastinate and I started watching a lot of youtube videos that were not productive and I knew it. I have a feeling it had a lot to do with my diet. I have been struggling to eat healthy because I have no kitchen, so yesterday I ordered pizza, so that probably influenced it a lot.

Day 7
Relapse 1


I have been feeling great this last 7 days, I have not had any major urges. I have noticed that the time when I went for 46 days it all started because I started to research more on spirituality. Even though it is a controversial topic I find a lot of truth in the way the world works, but the term spirituality is miss understood in my opinion. Anyway, much like that time this 7 days streak started because of the same reason I started to research more into it, and I find a lot of calm and power into all of the topics involved in spirituality. Specially everything that is related to using your will.

I have been paying a lot of attention in my behavior lately, even though I have been strict in no porn or masturbation I think I am being a little careless when it comes to doing activities that can trigger a big urge such as using dating apps like Tinder. I don't think there is anything wrong with them but the problem is that I often use it just to look at hot girls and just swipe. So one of my goals is to stop using Tinder and other dating apps unless there is a real intent of dating someone.

Noticing my behavior and previous relapses, I often relapse because of a specific trigger such as not a good night sleep, fantasizing about sex, being hungry and not eating something because of laziness, stress, sickness. So I am taking the decision to treat those states with urgency by attending them with mediation and figuring out why I got to that state in the first place. If it is something stressful then simply remind yourself why stressing about things outside of your control serves no purpose, and it if is within your control then take action instead of worrying.

Glad to see you have made a decision to come back and build off of your previous insights and successes.  Hope you can ponder those triggers you mentioned.  Keep at it, it is worth it. 

i believe in you! thanks for coming back to journal and share your second attempt and your tale. i too have had different times of dedication and resolve interspersed with periods of falling back into the habit, and it's good to see others who have returned to the noble quest and not given up.

spirituality is a huge part of my journey with porn, i think it's really important! i would be interested to hear more about what you're reading about and what is resonating with you and how you feel it relevant to your porn journey

Day 9
Relapses 1

Glad to see there are people encouraging me in this website, thank you guys.

kadeshzelbriel I'm not sure if we both have the same definition for spirituality but let me explain what I am experimenting with. I do not follow any established religion or ideology. What I do is use different techniques from different practices. Meditation is a big part of my journey as well as making use of ones will. Among other things but I do not have them well defined yet.

Last 2 days were hard, I did not break the streak but I was tempted a lot of times. I am really struggling quitting dating apps, I think my brain is tricking me into saying it is ok and I give in, and it is the one way it is trying to get something close to porn so I must stop that.

I was able to stop the big urges by exercising to the fullest in a 40 minute session. The important part is to give it all in one session until full muscle exhaustion. This way it will leave you completely fulfilled and the urges will go away. This has a lot to do with sexual energy transmutation I first read about it in a book called Thnk and Grow Rich.

I am glad I did not break the streak this weekend because I was out drinking and usually that is a trigger when I come back home. This time it was not a big deal, and I am so happy I am continuing with the process.

leonziyo said:

Hello people,

I am new to this site, glad I found it right in time. I had tried quitting P several times now but it was until last Friday that I realized of a huge problem that I didn't know I had. Let me back up a little, I am ashamed of what I am about to say but I am 27 years old and still a virgin. I don't want to go much into detail about it but the problem is with social anxiety. I have been close to getting laid but for one or another reason it never happened. Well that is until last Friday I was with this girl and we had a few drinks and went to her place. I was so excited about it but I was in shock when I realized I could not get an erection AT ALL. It was brutal! I was ashamed and had to leave her place, I blamed it on the alcohol and left.

Next day after I sobered up, I got worried and wanted to check if everything was ok down there. I will summarize it to avoid adding triggers in the post. I ended up finding yourbrainonporn.com and after trying a couple of things I realized I could not get an erection unless I was watching or thinking of P.

It is been a year or so that I heard of the nofap movement when I realized that P was bad for me, so I had tried quitting in the past because I wanted to get rid of my social anxiety and there are people that report nofap helps with that. However, I did NOT know it also affected my sexual drive and that is something I am not willing to cope with. It costed me so much effort to finally be with a girl only to realize that I could not get an erection when I really needed it.

Fuck you P, I will never watch that shit again.

So I decided to write a journal here, hoping that will help me stay committed to this reboot.

Thank you reboot nation!

Click to expand...

Sorry you had this experience. You are not alone. Hope you are doing OK.

Day 24
Relapses 1

I have been on a long streak now, I forgot to post more on this site even though I said I would. One of the reasons is that I hired a personal coach on the site coach.me, and by communicating to him I was able to keep a similar experience to a journal. However I am thinking on stopping the coach because it is a little expensive, plus it is not that helpful after the first weeks. At least that is how I see it. But he was very helpful to get started on this long streak because he provided me with some motivation and guidance.

I have been strong but for the last few days I have been getting a lot of urges. I believe a lot of it has to do with stopping a healthy routine. Stopping excercise and mediation plus healthy diet. However, I am getting back on the healthy routine today I am paying the gym membership and waking up early to be able to mediate and prepare lunch.

On another note, I started to go out with a girl I met on a dating app. She is really beautiful and we are compatible. I find it very interesting how fast I start goin out with girls every time I stop porn. It is like I feel a need to express all of that energy in a different way such as socializing and dating.

Still I got very big urges last night, I think I almost broke the streak because I started to look at a lot of instagrams of girls in bikini. But I stopped my self after a couple minutes. I definitely need to start on the healthy routine ASAP.

Day 24
Relapses 1

This is crazy, a few minutes ago I was about to break by 24 days streak. Being honest I was way too close to breaking it, I started to watch hot girls on instagram, it is no porn but still it is a little bit of cheating. For 2 or 3 times I almost gave in to start a porn binge, but I was able to stop myself. This last few days have been really hard, huge urges all day long. This was the strongest one so far. I am SO glad I resisted it. I would be feeling so bad right now.

50 days here I come.

YEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!! I feel your strength leonziyo! That kind of temptation shit is what hero's journeys are made of. You've got this! fuck yea. love this story, made my day.