Hello guys.
This post is a presentation about me and also may be it will be a journal about my reboot.
First i want to tell to all of you that i'm not a native english speaker, so i'm sorry if you don't understand what i want to say.
Let me tell you about my story.
When i first watched porn i was 13 years old, i'am 21 right now, and when i started to watch at porn, i had no idea of what was going on. It was just a pleasure.
And i think like a lot of you, even when i was not watching porn, i had some erections, so for me there was no problem.
I have to say that i never had an orgasm with a women.
The first time i had sex, i was 16, i get a full erection, and i was able to have it hard all along, but i didn't have orgasm.
During this year, i had some troubles about myself. I tried to kill myself, and when my parents found out how i was feeling, they told me that i have to consult a psychologist. I did, but it was not helping me, because i thought that i don't need help, i thought that i can do it myself.
Afterward i went better about my suicide. But it was still something that was hidden inside me. Like i have to control myself to keep it "hidden" and live my life.
One year ago, i was going to have sex with my (ex now) girlfriend, and i couldn't get an erection. That's why we broke up. I was feeling really bad about this, and i was wondering what happened ?
Then i realized, four months after we broke up, that it was because of porn. And since this moment i stopped watching porn.
But i did a mistake.
For me the problem was just i was looking too much porn videos, and i stopped to look at porn videos. But i was still looking at some picture, some gifs, some erotic stories.
One month ago, i had the opportunity to have sex with another women. And i couldn't have an erection when i was going to have sex with her. And i was like "What the hell, i've stopped porn videos, why i can't have a full erection with her ?"
Once again il felt really bad about this, and of course she was playing with me. I felt really bad at this moment.
Then after that day i was looking for some porn videos, because i felt really bad, and i don't know how but i have found a website talking about why edging is bad for your brain.
Then, from this website i have found "yourbrainonporn", and it was a revelation to me. I understood what i dit wrong.
Since this day i started my reboot, because i really want to have a normal life.
I have done 14 days without porn, and then i relapsed. But it was just an MO, not a PMO.
I've read that MO is not a problem, it just slow the process of recovery, but it's still "not that bad".
But from this day, i have reset my counter, because i really need to not have any orgasm in anyway. Right now, it's been five days since my last MO. When i say MO i mean without porn fantasy, only real girls, or imaginary girls, but not from porn.
So i can tell it's been 19 days that i didn't look at porn.
Sometimes it's really hard, because of the desire to look at porn.
But it's not the only problem.
When i've tried to have sex with this girl one month ago, i still see her when i go out, and i see her with some of her friends.
And sometimes i catch them talking about me, about the fact that i couldn't have an erection that night. And i hear them making fun of me. It makes me feel really sad
Actually that's why i am writing this post right now, because i feel like i can't trust anybody in this world. And when i hear them making fun of me because of that, i just want them to suffer. I'm not a bad guy, but really, when i hear them, i feel so much pain inside my heart that i just want them to suffer all their life.
Since the day where i started my reboot, i just wanted to kill myself one day. The others days were fine. But this day, when i woke up in the morning i just felt like i have to finish this fucking life.
And those girls are not helping me. It's so hard to hear them having a conversation, laughing about me. I just want to leave the party and stay at home with my tears.
This is really hard.
But i have also some good news, when i am about to PMO i just think about those nights where i couldn't get an erection with the girls, i think about how my life will be in 1 or 2 years, and it's helping me.
I also want to thank all the guys on this website, when i am going to do a PMO, i just go on this website, read the stories, and then i'm feeling better, i don't think at porn anymore.
So guys, i really hope i will find some help from you, or maybe from someone else, i don't know.
It was my presentation, and may be it will be my journal, i don't know yet, let's see was it going on through all this days.
Thank you for reading.
Bye
This post is a presentation about me and also may be it will be a journal about my reboot.
First i want to tell to all of you that i'm not a native english speaker, so i'm sorry if you don't understand what i want to say.
Let me tell you about my story.
When i first watched porn i was 13 years old, i'am 21 right now, and when i started to watch at porn, i had no idea of what was going on. It was just a pleasure.
And i think like a lot of you, even when i was not watching porn, i had some erections, so for me there was no problem.
I have to say that i never had an orgasm with a women.
The first time i had sex, i was 16, i get a full erection, and i was able to have it hard all along, but i didn't have orgasm.
During this year, i had some troubles about myself. I tried to kill myself, and when my parents found out how i was feeling, they told me that i have to consult a psychologist. I did, but it was not helping me, because i thought that i don't need help, i thought that i can do it myself.
Afterward i went better about my suicide. But it was still something that was hidden inside me. Like i have to control myself to keep it "hidden" and live my life.
One year ago, i was going to have sex with my (ex now) girlfriend, and i couldn't get an erection. That's why we broke up. I was feeling really bad about this, and i was wondering what happened ?
Then i realized, four months after we broke up, that it was because of porn. And since this moment i stopped watching porn.
But i did a mistake.
For me the problem was just i was looking too much porn videos, and i stopped to look at porn videos. But i was still looking at some picture, some gifs, some erotic stories.
One month ago, i had the opportunity to have sex with another women. And i couldn't have an erection when i was going to have sex with her. And i was like "What the hell, i've stopped porn videos, why i can't have a full erection with her ?"
Once again il felt really bad about this, and of course she was playing with me. I felt really bad at this moment.
Then after that day i was looking for some porn videos, because i felt really bad, and i don't know how but i have found a website talking about why edging is bad for your brain.
Then, from this website i have found "yourbrainonporn", and it was a revelation to me. I understood what i dit wrong.
Since this day i started my reboot, because i really want to have a normal life.
I have done 14 days without porn, and then i relapsed. But it was just an MO, not a PMO.
I've read that MO is not a problem, it just slow the process of recovery, but it's still "not that bad".
But from this day, i have reset my counter, because i really need to not have any orgasm in anyway. Right now, it's been five days since my last MO. When i say MO i mean without porn fantasy, only real girls, or imaginary girls, but not from porn.
So i can tell it's been 19 days that i didn't look at porn.
Sometimes it's really hard, because of the desire to look at porn.
But it's not the only problem.
When i've tried to have sex with this girl one month ago, i still see her when i go out, and i see her with some of her friends.
And sometimes i catch them talking about me, about the fact that i couldn't have an erection that night. And i hear them making fun of me. It makes me feel really sad
Actually that's why i am writing this post right now, because i feel like i can't trust anybody in this world. And when i hear them making fun of me because of that, i just want them to suffer. I'm not a bad guy, but really, when i hear them, i feel so much pain inside my heart that i just want them to suffer all their life.
Since the day where i started my reboot, i just wanted to kill myself one day. The others days were fine. But this day, when i woke up in the morning i just felt like i have to finish this fucking life.
And those girls are not helping me. It's so hard to hear them having a conversation, laughing about me. I just want to leave the party and stay at home with my tears.
This is really hard.
But i have also some good news, when i am about to PMO i just think about those nights where i couldn't get an erection with the girls, i think about how my life will be in 1 or 2 years, and it's helping me.
I also want to thank all the guys on this website, when i am going to do a PMO, i just go on this website, read the stories, and then i'm feeling better, i don't think at porn anymore.
So guys, i really hope i will find some help from you, or maybe from someone else, i don't know.
It was my presentation, and may be it will be my journal, i don't know yet, let's see was it going on through all this days.
Thank you for reading.
Bye