18 year old fighting for LOVE

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penguin_36

Member
Hey Guys. I've started my reboot since the last 3 weeks or so. Here's my story. I'm 18 and unfortunately started watching porn since I was 12, out of curiosity, not knowing that it would destroy my life one day.
        Initially I would look at just photos, which escalated to videos and then even extreme videos. I would spend my entire time in it and didn't like to spend time with real people. I lost my entire childhood to it. I decided to fight it and finally stopped watching porn at 17 years of age. But after a year I again fell prey to it, by accident. But this time the problem was even worse- it was cartoon porn. I became addicted to cartoon porn comics and videos since the last 8 months untill june 3 when I last relapsed and decided to end this.

So I'm free of Porn since 17 days and free of Masturbation since 8 days. I've decided to give up both.

So this is DAY 8 :
            I'm struggling with severe withdrawal symptoms. Fatigue, lack of attention, lack of interest. I don't get morning woods like before. I feel irritated most of the time.It's very difficult but I know these symptoms mean that I'm recovering and I won't give up. I have my final exams but I'm not able to study because of this. Can anyone provide some help regarding this issue? Feeling awful. Really need your support.
 
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penguin_36

Member
Day 9
    Withdrawal symptoms continue
    No focus. Feeling urges. Not able to concentrate on studies. But won't give up.
 
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penguin_36

Member
Day 10.
      I'm doing Great. The withdrawal symptoms have decreased a lot. I feel more free and don't feel any urges anymore. I know it is due to the Yoga and physical exercise that I'm practicing since the last few days.
Good News: Also got morning wood this morning. Can really feel recovering.
 
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penguin_36

Member
Day 11
      Unfortunately the withdrawal symptoms are back. Experiencing blue balls (Painful testicles) and discomfort. No focus. The fight is On. Skipped exercise today. May be the reason. Not gonna skip it from now on.
 
M

Mrblueberry

Member
Hey Buddy,

I received your post. Let's fight this drug together man. I am proud of you for taking the step to look for help online, the road to recovery is a lot less bumpy when you have a bud on your side . Dont feel weird or ashamed because you suffered from a porn addiction, everyone can fall prey to it. The good thing is, the negative effects can really be reversed. I will point out a few things to be attentive for.

*Don't feel as if you are less of a person because you did some ''bad'' things in te past (watching porn).
*Don't have the illusion that you only have a good life if you reach 3 months no fap or 1 year no fap, basicly what you are doing to yourself is the following: You don't allow yourself to enjoy life because you haven't reached the goal. Try to enjoy life in the present moment, don't judge yourself, don't use your brain to illustrate negative events.
*If you relapse, don't judge yourself, don't whale in negative thoughts. For every prolonged time that you havent watched porn your brain will reboot itself. If you relapse it does stagnate the process of recovery but don't think for example if you relapsed after 3 months nofap that you have done the work all for nothing.
* If you have blue balls, try to take a cold shower or a cold bath.

Good luck bro!

 
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penguin_36

Member
Mrblueberry said:
Hey Buddy,

I received your post. Let's fight this drug together man. I am proud of you for taking the step to look for help online, the road to recovery is a lot less bumpy when you have a bud on your side . Dont feel weird or ashamed because you suffered from a porn addiction, everyone can fall prey to it. The good thing is, the negative effects can really be reversed. I will point out a few things to be attentive for.
Good luck bro!
Click to expand...

Thanks for your support buddy. Really means a lot. And I will definitely work upon the points you highlighted. Let's fight this!!!

Btw it's Day 12
        Feeling good right now.Spending more time with family. Seems to help a lot.

PS.: Accidentally came across a link to some explicit material, also got the urge to look but did not go and deleted it. It was difficult but I did it.So Happy. We cannot control our environment which is so highly sexualised. But if we have that will to recover, we can surely be conscious enough to choose the right thing. Never gonna go back to this evil!!! It just destroys lives.
 
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Non-Dual Adventurer

Active Member
Keep on going bro! Love the title of your journal. Love really does conquer all, no matter how cliche it sounds. When we're porn-addicted, we can't see that. It's like the fog descends on us and stops us from being able to relate to ourselves on that level. And we have to be able to give ourselves that love if we want to be able to love others.

Glad you're doing so well. Feel lucky you've got so many years in front of you, and whenever you feel the urge come and post on this forum, meditate, do exercise, take a cold shower, or whatever else works for you :). YOU'VE GOT THIS!

Peace,

- Adventurer
 
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penguin_36

Member
Non-Dual Adventurer said:
Keep on going bro! Love the title of your journal. Love really does conquer all, no matter how cliche it sounds. When we're porn-addicted, we can't see that. It's like the fog descends on us and stops us from being able to relate to ourselves on that level. And we have to be able to give ourselves that love if we want to be able to love others.

Glad you're doing so well. Feel lucky you've got so many years in front of you, and whenever you feel the urge come and post on this forum, meditate, do exercise, take a cold shower, or whatever else works for you :). YOU'VE GOT THIS!

Peace,

- Adventurer
Click to expand...

Thanks for your support Adventurer. It really helps when you know someone is there to support you and happy with your progress. Especially when these painful withdrawal symptoms are haunting you.

Btw it's DAY 15
          Withdrawal symptoms still on. urges for P are gone but there are strong urges for MO. But not gonna relapse. I need to overcome all my compulsions, whether it's P or M.
 
N

Non-Dual Adventurer

Active Member
Of course my friend!
Keep it going and don't worry about those urges. You must be more than them if you're aware of them. Think about it, if you can be aware of something, how can that define you? You must be more than that for the very fact that you are aware of it. Try sitting and practising the meditation of 'just being'. Don't become anything, don't push anything. Just be. Breathe deeply. You've got this. And always know that all of us have got your back. If it helps, write out on here details on how you feel. That really helped me when I did my 9-10 month streak. I don't know why I ever stopped!

-Adventurer
 
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penguin_36

Member
Non-Dual Adventurer said:
Of course my friend!
Keep it going and don't worry about those urges. You must be more than them if you're aware of them. Think about it, if you can be aware of something, how can that define you? You must be more than that for the very fact that you are aware of it. Try sitting and practising the meditation of 'just being'. Don't become anything, don't push anything. Just be. Breathe deeply. You've got this.

-Adventurer
Click to expand...

Yes buddy I'm definitely more than that. I'm doing good now. It's become a little easy now to fight these urges as I'm becoming more and more aware and leaving this habit behind.

It's Day 18.
        Finally I'm able to concentrate on my studies. I'm avoiding staying alone at home and go to the library all day to study with my friends. It's really helping a lot.
 
P

penguin_36

Member
Sorry couldn't post since many days coz I had my exams.

It's DAY 39
    Now I can see it clearly that complete recovery is very near. Withdrawal symptoms have almost gone. I feel energetic and happy now. Urges have also reduced a lot.
 
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penguin_36

Member
Day 49
    Enjoying life without pmo. I've started to love my life as never before. Bodily compulsions have reduced a lot. I'm practicing classical yoga, which is helping a lot in my reboot. I'll advice others to start Yoga too.
    My next goal is 60 days.
 
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penguin_36

Member
Day 53
    Today I accidentally came across an advertisement of a Cartoon adult game on my phone and started getting back urges. But I kept my phone aside and went for a walk. I came back on track and the urge passed away. I thought I have completely overcome this problem but I think I was wrong. The fight is still On. I need to be aware.
 
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