brokensoul
Member
I've been in this relationship just over 2 years. I knew something was bizarre right away. We're long distance in two different cities. Every weekend he couldn't be reached. I'd hear from him on Monday....sometimes. I found out he was doing "sessions". Traveling to other cities or flying other women to his city to do???? I had no idea this world existed nor had I ever even heard of porn addiction. After a year into our relationship he came clean and told me that he hadn't had sex till 2012 and that was with a "session girl". I was the only other woman he had been with. He was 38 at the time. He told me he had been masterbating to porn for over 20 years. He didn't even enjoy sex. He never had an orgasm during intercourse. I found thousands of bizarre hard core porn on everything. Phone, lap top, main computer, television, cd's. I had never been exposed to any of that in my life. I was scared, confused. I am a fitness model and it all made me feel so incomplete. He was having sex with session girls, porn & was on a multitude of cam sites. I fear it is all still going on. He told me he wanted to come clean, that he didn't feel normal and literally hated even viewing it but couldn't go without if for even 3 days. He was open initially but now is back to secrecy and disappearing on weekends. He's extremely combative whenever I bring up anything about it. Says "Im not an addict, why are you trying to convince me I'm a porn addict?" Once again I find he's logged into these sites. Doing damage control behind his back I've even called them and told them he was my under aged son and they needed to block him...etc. I am so sick of all of this shit but yet I can't seem to let him go. When we are together things are great. Although he can't keep an erection and refuses to touch me not liking the feeling of a vagina, etc. He has pretty much every single symptom of a porn addict, including the night sweats. What do I do? Is there any hope. I'm dying inside. He once told me he was hopeless & one hell of a reclamation project. He now tells me he's not doing any of that anymore, but his body and actions are proving otherwise. Someone please help me. I don't want to be without him but he's taking me down. I'm a constant mess. I've lost myself in the midst of it all.
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