Fank Lafin
New Member
My name here is Frank. I'm a 35 year old porn addict. As of today I'm 72 hours nofap and am currently experiencing shakes, body aches, anxiety, a huge headache. I've been angry and obsessive all day for 48 hours. This is my first hour on reboot nation. I came here because certain websites suggested anyone who's been struggling with giving up porn, should watch the Becoming A Man Of Action series by Universal Man. I watched the first 3 parts and am simply following the instructions given in that series. My posts here will be a continuation of those instructions.
My first experience with porn was when I was 12 years old. At that age, in the late 90s I was becoming obsessed with skateboarding and baseball. I never realized how these 3 things: skateboarding, baseball and porn would end up being so integral to my development as a man. It wasn't until I got some time previously attempting nofap, and was given a realization, reached, through a porn-alternative activity. Now I know this: I found a VHS tape with no label lying on the side of the rode. I picked it up. I took it home.
There were some things going on in my life, when I found that tape, that I did not enjoy.. My mental state, as I remember it, was one of total defeat. I felt as though I'd taken so many losses in my short life I could not bear another. I had made friends with sporty kids from well-to-do families that were into baseball and skateboarding, respectively. So naturally those are the things that I wanted to do. I wanted to spend time with my friends, and have fun sharing sports with them. I'd been talking to my parents for some years that I wanted to play on a baseball team. Baseball equipment and membership in a league is expensive. There was an economic barrier for my parents, who were providing for themselves and 5 children, that I didn't understand. This was easily explained to me and I understood it but didn't accept it. Skateboarding was the same. It requires equipment, a uniform dictated by current fashion, and time. I lived in an area with no concrete so I wanted trips to the skatepark. It was all possible but my parents didn't want to throw money away unless I showed serious interest. They waited.
The wait was interrupted, for my dreams and of my parents. My father was seriously injured at work that year. The family was faced with a huge economic downturn. Concerns shifted from making the family happy... to keeping the house and keeping the family together. The nonsense was over. I consider this to be the day my childhood ended. My life and my obsessions at that age were over. There were no more discussions on what we were going to do with our lives or what we wanted. We were now in survival mode. Hard times like I never knew possible were ahead. I have often said that if a time traveler came and told me what the next ten years of my life would be like, I would have killed myself that night.
Luckily for me there was no time traveler. Luckily for me, each and every member of the family found strength beyond what a human can imagine. We kept the house. My father recovered after some years, but each of us was scarred and jaded forever in a noticeable way. Not one member of my family has ever discussed any event that happened during the real crisis hours... some three years, between one another. These were years lost in time. They're never mentioned as if they never happened. Just like I never played baseball, or skateboarded or saw those friends again.
I got a job. I was kicked out of school twice. Homeschooling suited my working hours better anyway. Sending the kids to school costs money anyway. What I made took some of the burden off my parents so it was a sacrifice that had to be made on my part. In a lot of ways I liked it. I had some money. I had solitude. I had sunshine. I didn't have to think, feel, or decide anything. I could work off my stress through physical labor, but I had that tape. I didn't have just that tape at this point. I had a collection. A large one. I had an addiction. Twenty three years later I still have an addiction, and now I'm here. Great place to be.
My first experience with porn was when I was 12 years old. At that age, in the late 90s I was becoming obsessed with skateboarding and baseball. I never realized how these 3 things: skateboarding, baseball and porn would end up being so integral to my development as a man. It wasn't until I got some time previously attempting nofap, and was given a realization, reached, through a porn-alternative activity. Now I know this: I found a VHS tape with no label lying on the side of the rode. I picked it up. I took it home.
There were some things going on in my life, when I found that tape, that I did not enjoy.. My mental state, as I remember it, was one of total defeat. I felt as though I'd taken so many losses in my short life I could not bear another. I had made friends with sporty kids from well-to-do families that were into baseball and skateboarding, respectively. So naturally those are the things that I wanted to do. I wanted to spend time with my friends, and have fun sharing sports with them. I'd been talking to my parents for some years that I wanted to play on a baseball team. Baseball equipment and membership in a league is expensive. There was an economic barrier for my parents, who were providing for themselves and 5 children, that I didn't understand. This was easily explained to me and I understood it but didn't accept it. Skateboarding was the same. It requires equipment, a uniform dictated by current fashion, and time. I lived in an area with no concrete so I wanted trips to the skatepark. It was all possible but my parents didn't want to throw money away unless I showed serious interest. They waited.
The wait was interrupted, for my dreams and of my parents. My father was seriously injured at work that year. The family was faced with a huge economic downturn. Concerns shifted from making the family happy... to keeping the house and keeping the family together. The nonsense was over. I consider this to be the day my childhood ended. My life and my obsessions at that age were over. There were no more discussions on what we were going to do with our lives or what we wanted. We were now in survival mode. Hard times like I never knew possible were ahead. I have often said that if a time traveler came and told me what the next ten years of my life would be like, I would have killed myself that night.
Luckily for me there was no time traveler. Luckily for me, each and every member of the family found strength beyond what a human can imagine. We kept the house. My father recovered after some years, but each of us was scarred and jaded forever in a noticeable way. Not one member of my family has ever discussed any event that happened during the real crisis hours... some three years, between one another. These were years lost in time. They're never mentioned as if they never happened. Just like I never played baseball, or skateboarded or saw those friends again.
I got a job. I was kicked out of school twice. Homeschooling suited my working hours better anyway. Sending the kids to school costs money anyway. What I made took some of the burden off my parents so it was a sacrifice that had to be made on my part. In a lot of ways I liked it. I had some money. I had solitude. I had sunshine. I didn't have to think, feel, or decide anything. I could work off my stress through physical labor, but I had that tape. I didn't have just that tape at this point. I had a collection. A large one. I had an addiction. Twenty three years later I still have an addiction, and now I'm here. Great place to be.