Starting new life without the bad stuff

Been trying to cut it all out for years, and cut out p for a long long while. But always used to relapse with the mo. Been relapsing too much recently and i want to fix myself so starting my first journal.

Have had ed issues for close to 10 years now so finally making this to hold me self accountable and track progress. May post a life story at some point,  but heres to day of no pmo.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. Congratulations on taking that first step. Now just one in front of the other.

Thank you^

So my story:
Ill try to keep it brief. So i first came across sexual images around the age of 6 or 7 maybe. By the time of around 12 or 13 i had my own computer with fairly fast internet for the time and used it for it for pmo multiple times a day, obviously with the frequency increasing with the older i got and the more free time i had.
Probably got the worst by the time i went off to college at age 18 where i had my own room with super fast internet, spending hours a day pmoing upto like 10 times a day. Wasting so much precious time on all that when i could be doijg so much more.

Around 17-19 i did have a gf and was able to have sex no problem. One summer after i had broken up with my gf, i met a girl at a party who wanted to come back to mine...got her into bed and nothing worked at all. I didnt understand what was happening but passed it off as having too much to drink.

Soon after i got another gf. Was having the same problems again so went to the doctors and got some pills. They worked for a while until they stopped working. That obviously made the relationship disintegrate as i didnt know what was going on but id always be pmo at night.

After that thinking my anatomy was just fucked i wouldnt bother with girls. Until one day i found out about nofap/ybop/this website etc. That was about 4 years ago. Slowly i managed to cut out visual porn, and for ages was just moing from imagination. Have tried nofap streaks but have never gone more than about 40 days. I still find it hard to not look at sexual imagery online, but i just limit actual use of videos.

The biggest problem i seem to have is that as soon as i o, i fall back into old mo habits as i keep getting the chaser affect quite bad.

So with a new girl things were going well for a while, having to mostly use pills, but then even that fizzled out as i probably couldnt perform anymore due to too much mo and that soon leading to online imagery.

I know what i need to do now. I can easily stay away from online triggers now that i have set my mind to it. Just gotta make sure not to mo for as long as possible. There are a couple of girls i do sext with but i guess i should try stop that as well.

Its been way to long with pied and this has to be the time that i finay sort myself out and become normal again. Also i can bot remember the last time i had morning wood. Must have been at like age 13 or something which can not be normal.

10 days now. Not bad. Had no real urges thus far. Nothing i cant contsin anyways

BlackPeak

Congratulations on 10 days! I'm glad the ride hasn't been too bumpy so far. Make sure that you have some backup plans ready in the event you start experiencing some bad urges or withdrawals. I'm sure you are already aware, but urges can fiercely blindside you, so you want to make sure you are ready to turn to different activities or responses whenever and wherever. I've come to realize that preparation is an important part of the recovery process.

Your introductory post was a little unclear, so I am not sure if you are aware of this, but remember that your brain doesn't distinguish between pornographic content and non-pornographic content. If you are looking at pictures of women naked and having sex, women in bikinis, or women fully-clothed but that turn you on, they are all doing the same thing by stimulating your body to release dopamine. So keeping away from it all as much as you can will aid the recovery process.

The last thing I would like to mention is that avoiding intentional fantasy is really helpful. At the beginning, it is quite difficult, but once you've built up enough momentum with avoiding fantasy, your inertia to change, in this case returning to fantasy, increases.

Best of luck with recovery!

Thanks for the reply NewStart!
So basically i was pmoing to actual porn vids for years and years and then when i found out about nofap and ybop, mainly mo'd to picture as i thought it would be better than P videos. Obviously this was silly thinking and obvs pictures would then sometimes lead to videos sometimes.

I know this is my last time and i womt fail though. I definitely have wnough willpower, knowing that i just want to make body work as it should.
Infact thw other day i went back with a girl i met clubbing. We dis stuff and she was giving me oral, and tell me to go the whole way. But i knew that if i went through with it i would quite likely go limp midway. Anyway i made sure to not to go for as long with the oral and made her stop before i O'd.
A mean feat considering how drunk i was. I just gope i have the same willpower the next timw i get into a similar position which could likely happen again soon.

Really struggling at the moment. Had a girl all over me and all i could muster was seminal leakage and not much else.

Also felt like ive been depression the past few days. Still trying to hang onto no pmo , as fixing this is the only thing thats keeping me goinf

20 days \o/
Chilling at the moment
Keeping myself busy