Let the war against the addiction begin

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tllb91

Guest
Hi Everyone,

My name is Pieter, I'm 28 years old, and have a pretty severe addiction to porn and sex-chatting. Like with many of you it started quite innocent in my teen years, when I discovered porn. Hover, over the years, this has developed into a ever growing stronger addiction. I'm now up to the point where I'm not sexually interested anymore in normal guys (Im gay), but can only get aroused when I either watch extreme porn videos or when I chat with people online about the same fantasies. It developed from 'normal' soft porn, to more hard-core porn, to soft SM to hard SM. I'm now up to a point where I know, if I would act out these full fantasies real live, it would probably be a horrible experience.

I've known that I'm addicted for some time now I guess, after all, these videos are not normal, and I just cannot stop watching them...

So, it is time to start my reboot. I've 'kinda tried'  this before,  and noticed how strongly this addiction fights back. One thing is sure, it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be all out warfare. I've never made it past ~10 days without PMO, and most of my tries failed even before the first week. So I know I need my full focus for at least the first 2 weeks to get things started.

I have a plan now to fight this monster:
1. I removed all my dating apps, pictures, videos, .... Anything that could remind me of these fantasies
2. I started a Meditation course. To get more control over my thoughts. I'll meditate 2x a day for 15 minutes.
3. I will exercise at least 2x a week
4. I will bring back some structure to my life. Not just my work life, also my outside of work hours. I need to plan what I will do, so I keep myself busy with other things than porn.

Today is day 0. My first goal now is 30 days. See how things go. Time to fight this monster!!!!!
 

Kraken

Well-Known Member
Welcome to the nation!  It's great you have a plan!  The one thing I would add is to journal on here everyday for the first two months.  Putting your thoughts out there while going through the reboot really helps you to process things and keeps you motivated because we encourage each other. 
 

BlueHeronFan

Respected Member
Welcome!

I'm with squid: being active here has really helped me to turn a corner in my recovery efforts. Just thinking through my thoughts and getting advice from other people has helped me to think more clearly. And talking to other people and encouraging them has helped me to see how I can turn this awful story of addiction into a positive way to help other people.

This is the fight of a lifetime, but it's so important and worth it. The only thing that matters is what we do today. One successful day at a time, we build a successful life.

Good luck with your new beginning! We're here to support you along the way!
 
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tllb91

Guest
Thanks guys, for your kind support!
I'll definitelty try to post here on  a daily basis, as a form of personal reflection. :)

So today was day 1.  Was a pretty shitty day. Because I couldnt sleep last night, I've been pretty tired the whole day. I guess I couldn't sleep because I was kinda still in the 'post orgasm rush' after the last PMO session.  As I couldnt sleep, I did some googling and actually found some new studies that show that a high degree of dopamine in your system degrages melatonin. Actually kinda interesting; when you are about to wake up dopamine increases, causing melatonin to break down, which then wakes you up...

One thing I noticed throughout the day, is how many small subtle triggers have been built into my life, which makes my brain kinda wake up. For example every time my smartwatch vibrates, my brain thinks I get another message on the sex-chatting apps I used to be active on. Feel actually kinda nice to then realize its just a whatsapp message instead.

No strong urges happened today, but I feel like its the silence before the storm. In a few days, hell will break loose again.
Good that this evening, I'll have another meditation lesson. I hope to be able to use this as one of the powerful weapons against this monster....

Short summary how I felt today (0-10):
Cravings: 1
Energy: 4
Motivation: 5
Joy/Happiness: 6
Sleep: 3
 

faenoe

Active Member
Hello, welcome! I am just starting out on this journey too. It's good to hear that you have removed those apps. You don't need them anymore. I, too, uninstalled the apps that have been triggers for me and I have noticed a marked difference in the amount of urges I get for PMO. It hasn't been easy but I am committed to reaching my first month free of porn. Join us and let's go together.
 

BlueHeronFan

Respected Member
Glad you're pressing forward!

Urges definitely come in waves. They'll go away for a while and suddenly get really strong for a day or two (or sometimes more). But they lose energy over time. I have especially noticed it this year: the longer I go without PMO, the weaker the urges are getting.

So, even if the strong urges hit, remember that they will eventually pass (just hang on for one more day!) and they will probably come back a little weaker the next time. It's these early days that count for a lot.

Keep it up!
 
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