Decimus Meridius Maximus
New Member
Hi, english is not my first language but i will do my best... I cannot stop watching porn. Everytime i quit, i find a new reason to watch it again. I read all the stuff from yourbrainonporn, i know what may cause my addiction. The strang thing is: im not sure if its an addiction. There are times when i dont miss porn at all. Fact is: I isolate myself, i nearly cut all of my relationships ( voluntarily ) and i hate humans . this speaks for an addiction. And my brain tricks me everytime into thinking that there are logical reasons for this behaviour . Many guys in the comments of antiporn videos had wrote that the interviews with ex porn stars made them quit watching porn. In my case these interviews with Jessie Rogers ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymWVWHOgDFM ) etc make me searching for their porn scenes. I want more of that stuff. I want to see them suffer. Sometimes i really want to get my life back.. all this shit did start 3 years ago after i left my exgirlfriend (i was already watching porn since i was 15. As a child of 6 years i also found porn magazines from my father). First i felt miserable, but after i few month i did well again..then i joined university and things got worse. Its a circle of doom. Cold turkey didnt work. The main obstacle is that i became very antisocial. Im 25 years old, well built and good looking and had sex with a few girls. I wont seek professional help at the moment, speaking from experience it wont help me. It would really help me telling more of my story if someone asks questions.
I cant meditate, i also have problems listening to an audiobook. For watching porn i open up to 5 tabs, sessions last on average 2 hours. But its not only with porn, the same applies for youtube. I really want to read books, but my brain feels bored after a few pages. I have to check my emails as often as possible, same with facebook. On some days i only sit in front of my monitor accomplishing nothing. I refuse to eat enough food, i dont workout anymore. I dont really care about my future. I tried many times to stop watching porn and mastrubation. My record is 1 week. Then i relapsed. It started with mastrubating only... then i thought that one PMO session wouldnt harm me... well.. here i am not knowing what to do. I dont have the will to stop it. I hate the city i live in, i hate my university courses, i hate the people who surround me and i hate myself for being me. This is a statement without any perspectives, i apprciate any suggestions how to develop plans for my future.
Greetings?
I cant meditate, i also have problems listening to an audiobook. For watching porn i open up to 5 tabs, sessions last on average 2 hours. But its not only with porn, the same applies for youtube. I really want to read books, but my brain feels bored after a few pages. I have to check my emails as often as possible, same with facebook. On some days i only sit in front of my monitor accomplishing nothing. I refuse to eat enough food, i dont workout anymore. I dont really care about my future. I tried many times to stop watching porn and mastrubation. My record is 1 week. Then i relapsed. It started with mastrubating only... then i thought that one PMO session wouldnt harm me... well.. here i am not knowing what to do. I dont have the will to stop it. I hate the city i live in, i hate my university courses, i hate the people who surround me and i hate myself for being me. This is a statement without any perspectives, i apprciate any suggestions how to develop plans for my future.
Greetings?