OGMC - Choosing the Right Path

Hi all,

I started my journey 2 years ago.  Like most people, I encountered ED when trying to have sex with a beautiful girl.  I quickly realized it was fapping and porn that was the culprit.  I made a commitment to myself to quit porn for good.  On my 3rd try at nofap/pornfree I made it to 90+ days, no pmo of any sort. No edging. No porn. No masturbation/orgasm. I got better socially, managed my anxiety and met a girl! All was good on my end. I no longer needed porn.

Shortly after though - the girl broke it off (I was too needy, I guess) and I was crushed. Fell into a deep depression and yeah, you guessed it - went back to PMO. I also got a new boss, who I didn't like and work began to stress me out way too much, with all the stress of work and relationships combined, it has been over a year since that happened and I have struggled a lot. My best record last year was 55 days, and then relapsed.

Then I joined nofap forums and got to 66 days.  It wasn't quite no pmo, more like no 'o' with some 'p' in between and edging.  Nevertheless I went on vacation and had sex successfully 3 times.  When I came back though, work was so stressful again that I relapsed to pmo.  I used pmo as a stress reliever and now I realized I need to join the pornfree/reboot nation forums as well. It's not enough to target nofap, I have to fight porn just as much.

Today is Day 0.  Today I get back on that horse. And today I have to choose the right path again.

Perhaps the right path includes making some life changes to remove the underlying reason for PMO? If you use it as a stress reliever then looking at the stress-givers may also be relevant. If they cannot be changed, I get that if you are crushed as a result of a breakup then it takes time to get over it but maybe therapy could also help. In the case of your work maybe finding a different way to approach it would also help? I only suggest things but if PMO is symptomatic, I think it's great that you confront it, but just think you'll need to look bigger if you want to make the change a long term one. Disassociating it from stress relief may require some behaviour and lifestyle changes which will be hard to implement at first.

It looks like you've done it well, and I commend your ability to manage the urges, but I see a fundamental problem with the goal based 'no-PMO challenges' which while provide short to motivation that may be necessary, won't be sufficient in the long term if other life variables don't change. The desire for a relapse has to dissappear, or at least suficiently diminish so that it is no longer a problem. If it's a case of reach the goal and then relapse....what has actually be achieved in the 90 period? I hear of this happening quite often. This is why I really liked this post where I think the author summed it up nicely, if not very concisely:
http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=15558.0

I really hope you achieve what you have set out to do!

Day 1:

No relapses today. No porn though I did see some images of sexy girls (not nude though) on the internet when searching youtube and it almost triggered me to watch porn.  I also started exercising again.

Skrodriguez - you're absolutely right.  The underlying problem is stress management.  Work has mounted on ever worse than before and it's hard to manage the stress of that job.  I do actually try to do relaxation techniques (deep breathing, meditation) in combination with seeing a therapist, so I have recognized the need to change my lifestyle and manage stress much better.  But it's hard and I've been struggling for a long time.  I am finally recognizing the need for others support - I used to do everything myself.  But now I see a therapist and I come to Reboot Nation and NoFap communities for help and accountability.

Good luck man.  I'm on day two and I'm ready to jump out of my skin--I can't imagine what it would be like to go 66 days--I have a lot of respect for you.

Day 2 - Work sucks.

Well today wasn't really a stressful day at work but it definitely was a long one. I didn't fap or look at any porn which is great, no triggers.  But of course I gotta always stay vigilant.

Klugschei?er - you'll get there man! 66 Days wasn't easy, but I wish I hadn't even watched any porn during that time.  Even sexy images would set me back so I gotta avoid those too.  Day 2 is still great progress, each day is a significant hurdle to overcome.

Day 3:

No porn or relapses so I'm on the right track!

However I did come across some possible triggers.  I was surfing the net, reading wikipedia and I began to feel sexual feelings arising.  I quickly stifled that and I realized that I have a goal in mind - to never watch porn again and not to even search for it! I don't want ED ever getting in the way of having healthy, normal sex.  It is tough though because I am constantly stressed out at work.

Day 4:

Work again hectic.  But I'm not using porn as stress reliever.  I am going out drinking tonight though with friends so my goal is not to be hungover, because that usually triggers me to watch porn.  Gonna remember to drink lots of water.  I gotta keep in mind my goal.

If I was really militaristic about it I guess I wouldn't even drink. But I have been able to survive hangovers without watching porn.  My main problem is keeping my phone or tablet within hands reach.  If I charge my phone or tablet elsewhere, that will deter me, though even that isn't 100%.

Day 5:

A little late on today's journal entry.  No relapses or porn today either! Starting to feel the effects after 5 days of no porn - libido is coming back here and there but it's tough because it brings along triggers!  Still going strong though.

Day 6 & 7:

Forgot to update on Day 6! I need to make sure to update everyday though because I don't want to fall short at all.  The other problem is that I am now out of the home and on business so I can't filter my websites like I did before.  However as long as I keep updating I think it should remind me of why I'm doing this - to prevent ED during normal sex and to prevent myself from deteriorating myself.

Day 8 & 9:

Again, I forgot to update on day 8! Gosh I need to keep updating.  But I've been good so far.  Traditionally hotels have been a big trigger for me since it means the filters are now offline on my computer.  But I've held strong once again, and as I write this from my hotel room, it's been good, no porn or relapses though I am feeling my libido again and I've caught myself fantasizing about girls.

I usually am pretty good right now at shutting those down but each day is a challenge, and I must remain vigilant.

Day 10, 11, 12 & 13

So on Day 10 I had a pretty intense wet dream.  I woke up in the middle of the dream, and all I can remember is I was that I think I was watching porn in my dream.  However, since it was in my dream and I haven't watched any porn, I'm not counting that as a reset on my counter.

Day 11, 12 and 13 have been pretty good too.  No porn watching though I ran into a couple triggers.  I can't believe it's Day 13 already again! I feel accomplished.

Congrats buddy! Keep on it. Yeah those dreams can get annoying 

Day 14:

Another good day with no porn.  Unfortunately I still spend too much time on the computer.  I really need to get away from it and pick up more hobbies.

Just do it man! You'll never get these years back... Just go out there and create memories, beautiful ones! Go out there and experience yourself, enjoy being you, enjoy the company of others... make friends... Go out there and live !!

I believe you can do it!

Day 15:

Great to have gone 2 weeks without porn or fapping.  Work has been stressful but I've been managing it ok.  Not using porn or fapping to deal with it.  Again though I still need to pick up some more hobbies.

Day 16:

Another good day... no triggers or watching of porn or fapping.  This is a good trend but I gotta remember to stay vigilant.  Often times my mind does slip and I'll fall into old patterns and habits.  But journaling here every day (almost every day, I skipped a couple!) really helps to bolster that.

Also, I have been working a lot, but also been taking a step back here and there as well.  I used to work a lot more and it was to the point that it was too stressful and that I would lose sleep, and with sleep deprivation I made poor(er) decisions and inevitably leads to triggers and/or eventually porn/fapping.

So I'm trying to be more balanced now. I'm trying to balance less work, and incorporate more of the things that I love in life.  Also, I'm trying to take more action.  I'm really a "analysis paralysis" guy and in this world, action needs to be taken now! And that means moving on with my life, taking up more hobbies, doing the things I love.

Day 17:

No porn or fap today. Woo!

Day 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23

Long pause here between writing in this log.  I banged my head pretty good last weekend and I'm still reeling from a bad headache, though it is slowly improving.  I was basically bed ridden for 3 days and even when I went to work (which maybe I shouldn't have!) I was just not totally there.

Despite, this I've been good, no porn... though with the pain come the urges and some potential triggers but I pushed pass them.  Unfortunately at the same time I'm trying to reboot my brain, I give it a nice *bump* but hopefully within a week my head will recover and I'll rid myself of this headache.

Day 24, 25, 26, & 27

Been a while since I wrote in the log but my head is feeling better and I've been good, no porn or fapping though there were some possible triggers.  I won't mention them here in case anyone reads this.  But anyway, I feel good about my abstinence from PMO.

Day 28

Another good day as far as porn goes. Didn't watch any porn or fap at all, so that's good. Keeping the streak alive.  But all I did after work today was play video games.  Gotta stop that, get back to another hobby.