V
vampireskiller
Guest
WARNING: TRIGGER WORDS, STRONG LANGUAGE, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND GORE.
I still remember the day I felt like a murderer. It was just a normal day, until I see a "hot woman" in "doggy style" in a market. Just normal, it happens a lot in Brazil. We're one of the biggest exporters of thugs and prostitutes in the world.
This image, of this bitch, stayed in my head and, at night, I watched too many extreme porns. Pain, screams, marriages being destructed... everything the devil likes.
Then, I just remember that I woked up in a pool of blood and the images of something like a "murder" (so, I just felt like a murderer because I had the same feeling of a murderer stabbing someone many times) started to flashback in my mind. I just trembled, had no air and was terrified: IT'S MY OWN BLOOD! AND IT'S STILL DRIPPING! I "MURDERED" MYSELF!
I was rolling on the floor, squirming, using objects to cause me pain... It had happened before, but in an even more brutal way and I have deep scars because of it... My back is marked by that black past... I don't know how I didn't have any infections...
It's very traumatizing and I can't tell the details. My brain is automatically blocking thiese memories (and the details) and the related memories (things that happened in the same week of these brutal acts).
These gore masturbations ceased when I started to use more hardcore porn for some years...
It's my 3 attemp to reboot. This time I'm rebooting with masturbation and as my body is seeking for more extreme stimul, the unhealthy masturbations are coming back and I can't control it.
I fear for my physical integrity. I fear for people around me. I need to stop this beast somehow. Before this monster starts to hurt other people. I'm very afraid and I think that the only exit I have is the suicide... I know that I will burn in hell, but it's better than hurt someone I love or to continue destroying myself in more irreversible ways.
I still remember the day I felt like a murderer. It was just a normal day, until I see a "hot woman" in "doggy style" in a market. Just normal, it happens a lot in Brazil. We're one of the biggest exporters of thugs and prostitutes in the world.
This image, of this bitch, stayed in my head and, at night, I watched too many extreme porns. Pain, screams, marriages being destructed... everything the devil likes.
Then, I just remember that I woked up in a pool of blood and the images of something like a "murder" (so, I just felt like a murderer because I had the same feeling of a murderer stabbing someone many times) started to flashback in my mind. I just trembled, had no air and was terrified: IT'S MY OWN BLOOD! AND IT'S STILL DRIPPING! I "MURDERED" MYSELF!
I was rolling on the floor, squirming, using objects to cause me pain... It had happened before, but in an even more brutal way and I have deep scars because of it... My back is marked by that black past... I don't know how I didn't have any infections...
It's very traumatizing and I can't tell the details. My brain is automatically blocking thiese memories (and the details) and the related memories (things that happened in the same week of these brutal acts).
These gore masturbations ceased when I started to use more hardcore porn for some years...
It's my 3 attemp to reboot. This time I'm rebooting with masturbation and as my body is seeking for more extreme stimul, the unhealthy masturbations are coming back and I can't control it.
I fear for my physical integrity. I fear for people around me. I need to stop this beast somehow. Before this monster starts to hurt other people. I'm very afraid and I think that the only exit I have is the suicide... I know that I will burn in hell, but it's better than hurt someone I love or to continue destroying myself in more irreversible ways.