[19YO][UPDATE:7DAYS] So i began to reboot with fetish HOCD PIED

E

Electronic Husky

Guest
The definition of porn here is not actually porns that you will typically see.As i developed an very unusual fetish that i will not give detailed account(to avoid triggering myself)

I can only say that it is a fetish for a certain kind of clothes,either worn by woman or worn by man(possibly due to escalation,I am not a gay atleast I think,and I cant be excited by nude body of man either).Later on it escalated to BJ scenes with these clothes
and even several other clothes , and even more...and what can excite me at begin first simply doesnot work now...

My story:
This fetish had developed when I am 11 years old(after reading some article on internet)
But nothing happened until 15 years old,as I dont know how to masturbate and mostly hadn't overstimuli myself then(possibly due to the fetish is vague then).
On 15 years old I began to masturbate,and like the most people here I PMO daily at first , begin to up to 5 PMO session everyday on 16 years old , and in desperate search of those PMO materials
and thing goes on an on, new categories(escalation) had been developed ,and old categories just not as interesting as beginning typically after several months.

On the end of 17 I began to feel bad , and has been feeling bad since then. I tried to stop without knowledge from YBOP and begin dating with real girl,but I simply cant...It is compulsive
However my brain has wrote something down in subconsciousness to do it:
I simply CANT ORGASM when PMO with those fetish...I feel NOTHING WHEN CUM ! and coming alone with the cum is uncomfortable penis...
As a result PMO session never go beyond 1 per day or per two days...And I feel nothing after cum but anxiety and disgust,I simply cant understand what i have done...
and i dont want to cum.this discouraged me from faster escalation.

Even thouth unability to orgasm my brain still desperately wants to look at those,and i do look for materials until 48 hours ago.
And when i am not in a state of dopamine craving i simply cant be triggered as i gain nothing from cum(probably self-constraint process)
at a time i even can go through many 5 consecutive days without cum(but with a lot of fantasies , which is even more harmful than cum itself as dopamine rushed for an extended period)

Now what happened:
1.Mild to medium HOCD due to escalation to men wearing those,and/or some scenes(but i cant be excited by men themselves either)
2.Serious PIED.I can notice beautiful girls in real world,but i simply cannot be excited by them AT ALL.I can ONLY be excited by fetish scenes.
  at a point i even thought that VAGINAL SEX IS BORING(even Disgusting?probably because of HOCD modified what I thought).(this further pushed HOCD)
  however i cant be excited by guys in person either...
3.
-Serious social anxiety disorder
-Serious low selt-esteem and low ego
-Serious depression session once in a while that is persistent for a few weeks
-Mild but always anxiety throughout days,
-Mild general OCD
-Unable to control emotions once in a while
-Insomnia if not fapped
(A combination of unstable dopamine level and terrible feel-bad about what happened)
 
E

Electronic Husky

Guest
What i am doing now:
-Do meaningful things such as exercising to raise dopamine naturally (It is also good for my life)
-No porn , which means No fetish to me
-No PMO , which means No masturbation at all to me as I simply CANNOT BE EXCITED by ANY REAL PERSON(in fact ANYTHING OUTSIDE FETISH)
-Do not go to bed except for sleep,and no phone on bed
-away from junk foods,intense video games/movies ,etc to prevent dopamine accidentally rush
  in fact i play only minecraft now...
-Don't be locked inside head,this is how to deal with HOCD,depression and/or other possibly withdrawal syndromes
-Avoid triggers such as alone with computer.

-Whenever it is possible to rewire to a real girl , do it
 
E

Electronic Husky

Guest
and most importantly
Dont think about it at all.
Every think is harmful,just dont give a fuck to it.
Fantasizing on its own is even harmful than cumming on its own.
And i am not really horny,it is just another form of dopamine craving.
 
E

Electronic Husky

Guest
7days later:
1.It is important to realize that porn addiction is a chronic brain disease which can(may) not be cured fully but can be controlled therefore minimizing the damage it cause to ourselves and others , just like other brain diseases such as parkinson and ADHD
2.This is not because that you are inherently bad/weak , or you are immoral , or you do something wrong.It is more likely a brain hardware error rather than software error
and that this may be very common in this generation,among with other emerging behaviourial addictions such as problematic internet/social media/etc... use
3.And it is lucky to stop here , as substance abuse or other behaviourial addictions is more likely to occur if uncontrolled(probably because there is a gene that make you easier to be addicted or because that your brain has some addiction-related changes) ,So you should avoid over consuming any thing or behaviour that is potentially rewarding(in terms of dopamine)
4.As addiction is very common today, it is not rare to have some kinds of addict , so dont feel alien(as others around you may be addicted but does not openly talk about this)

What we cant:
completely reverse changes related to porn addiction in your brain
What we can:
-Minimize porn use for as long as possible, decrease fantasies as much as possible
this means that if you "PMO rate"goes from several times per day to 1-2 per month , that is already a lot of progresses , avoid all or nothing thinking , but do not relapse to old behaviour deliberately
-cure physical and mental problems caused by addiction,such as anxiety and depression
-become functional in normal dating and sex
-become functional in socializing , develop healthy habits and interests

What should we do:
-Do everything what you did before
-excepts anything related to porn
-know that you dont actually need porn , you just need porn to become normal , not better ,nor porn is a stress reducer
-if you stop porn , you will become normal without even requiring porn...

What we shouldnot do
-Do not allocate a dedicated period to do nothing but stopping porn ,it is not about to wait rather than to build new balance
-Do not force yourself to eliminate fantasies/urges , just ignore them
instead , stop as soon as you can if you want to relapse and actually did it
-Do not "Testing" in order to test or to do something else.Never search them
-Do not read"withdrawal symptoms list" as it may create nonexistent symptoms from mental suggestion

What will be cured after stopping PMO
-desensitization : you will feel more motivated to do everyday things other than porn (no more than 3 months to be reversed completely)
-hypofrontality: you will be more "in control" than before(you can exercise)
-various symptoms

What may never be fully reversed:
-Sensitized neural pathways : may be eventually weakened but may never(or take years) to stop completely
even worse , pathways will reinforce itself during the first month, so urges may raise during the first month , but do not suggest yourself

What will happen after occasional relapse
-The damage of 1 relapse is very small(perhaps no desensitization,a little reinforce to the pathway) in terms of brain change , but can be destructive mentally
do not focus on "0 relapse lifetime" , do not punish yourself / binge(do lots of damage) , stop whenever it can and your brain will stop progressive damaging itself
-This differents from drug abuse(perhaps because drugs can stimulate brain to much higher degree and persists for a very long time , while PMO dopamine rush will stop right after cum)
 
E

Electronic Husky

Guest
What happened to me:
-richer emotions
-more stable emotions
-become more motivated
-social anxiety reduced from the first day
-depression become more heavier at first but decreased after 6 days
-sleep quality got worse at first but  get better after 6 days
-clearer logic , maybe

What I think
-We are not deprived of an pleasure of PMOing when we stop PMO
We become addicted and needs it to become normal , but when we stop using it , we can become normal without it
Yes PMO can give us orgasm but we can only enjoy it for a few days and then become addicted again , life will be ruined
which need years to restore fully

What a terrible idea to PMO?

-Do not allocate a dedicated period to do nothing but stopping porn ,it is not about to wait rather than to build new balance
I spend first 6 days to do nothing but trying to stop pmo , as you can see this idea is terribly bad
-Do not force yourself to eliminate fantasies/urges , just ignore them ,let them go and stop as soon as possible if you are on your way to relapse
 

Do or die

Respected Member
Please leave this addiction today . i am addicted from 2013 to now 2019, i even don't know how many times i relapsed. But i know i lossed my concentration powers, my self confidence , my relationship. Everything a normal human being wants i lossed that.
So please leave this when you are a teenage.
 
Top