33yrs old with PIED - Lets get this fixed :)

So thought best I start with some background information of exactly how i ended up to have PIED, and perhaps there are gonna be other guys out there that read this and can relate to my story somewhat.....

I had never heard about PIED up until about 4 months ago when I decided I wanted to get involved in the PE community and give that a try and that is when I learned about PIED.

Anyhow......... As a kid I had pretty shit time at school and didn't have the best of confidence especially around girls. I was a horny kid but had no outlet and had easy access to porn online from my computer at home. I think i started to PMO the moment I hit puberty which was around 12 years old. I may have seen porn before then but I can't remember for certain. I masturbated to porn for years before I had my first sexual encounter with a girl and because I was scared of performance anxiety I also took viagra. I got pretty good at sex over the years but always used viagra and was always constantly using porn.

I had also started using steroids and got heavily into bodybuilding. Certain drugs in the bodybuilding world can cause erection problems for some people and I found that to be the case for me. There were lots of occasions over the years where my dick just would not work properly and I always thought it was because of the hormonal imbalances I was creating using steroids and this was probably the case but I also never thought about how using porn was exacerbating the problem.

Over the years I struggled with my erection issues and I just solely put it all down to steroid use and if I sorted all that out then things would come back to normal but they never did.

The porn I was watching over the years had become increasingly more deviant and got into watching things that I know are not right and it made me question whether there was something wrong with me. Trouble was that these were now the only things that could turn me on enough to get an erection! This was very troubling to me but I couldn't stop using and PMO to it.

I have read plenty of posts and articles that all talk about this escalation in porn to more extreme genres and it now makes a lot of sense to me. I was turned on by these things and want to masturbate to them but the moment I orgasm and had my release I would not be happy by what I had done. Mainly because of the nature of what I was getting off too.

I have been pretty much in and out relationships non stop for the last 12 years and although there were erection difficulties I always managed to make it work on and off somehow but it was never great.

2 years ago me and the girl of my dreams broke up but we stayed in contact and I have been hoping that we will work things out at some point. Anyway I have barely had any sex over the last two years as I have deliberately remained single but with no sex meant I had to heavily rely on porn and masturbation. So for 2 years my Porn and masturbation use has been at an all time high and I think my brain has just completely lost the ability to be turned on by normal women anymore. I know they are attractive but I get no feelings of excitement at all. It is near impossible for me to get an erection with a woman now.

I did have sex a couple of times with my ex over these two years but it was literally a couple of times and she said to me its like I am just not there anymore and I know exactly what she is getting at. When I was having sex with her it was like I was just doing it to get myself off as best I could and because I had to focus heavily on keeping my erection I was not focusing on her and just enjoying the situation. The sex itself just does not feel that pleasurable anymore either. All down to porn I suspect.

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Some other things worth noting is that over the years I cannot remember the last time I ever got morning wood. Probably not since I was 16 / 17 maybe? Again I have now learnt that this is a symptom of PIED

There were days were I would literally jack off up to 8 times in a day to porn. It was like I was trying to drain every last drop out of nut sack and I don't know why lol. I would jack off when I needed to feel good or have a release but also i used to do it simply to entertain myself if I was bored  :-\

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Where I am now and what I am doing about this:-

So 3 weeks ago I started No Fap Hardmode and it has actually been very easy for me to give up the porn and masturbation side of things knowing what the end goal is and how many people have achieved it is all the motivation I need to stay away.

What happened in week 1:-

My dick shrank to something rather small and cold lol.... It was not a pleasant experience

Week 2
My dick stopped hanging so small and I actually had some incredible nights sleep along with a couple sexual dreams

Week 3
No sexual dreams and sleep have not been as good. During the day whilst I am at work my brain randomly starts thinking of the deviant things I used to watch and I can feel a slight response in my dick to those thoughts but I immediately try shutting those thoughts down but its not easy.



That is where I am at the moment.

What I want from this journey:-

I want to be turned on by woman again where the lightest touch or look of desire for me from one will give me a semi in my pants.
I want to be free from using drugs like viagra.
I want to experience that great pleasure again you can get from sex which I no longer am getting.
I want to remove all these deviant sexual thoughts and tastes that have developed from all my years of porn use and escalating.

Basically I want to be a horny pubescent teenage boy again LMAO hahahaha  ;D ;D ;D

Lets see how we do... 21 days down and I imagine a lot lot more to go!

Yes.

This is the way out. And you can get where you want to be. I am at the start of the journey as well. Not that far along into it. My wife and I had a momment ... and shared some very passionate kisses this morning and it left me ?semi?. That?s the first time thats happened in a VERY long time.

thephoenix said:

Yes.

This is the way out. And you can get where you want to be. I am at the start of the journey as well. Not that far along into it. My wife and I had a momment ... and shared some very passionate kisses this morning and it left me ?semi?. That?s the first time thats happened in a VERY long time.

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Ah that is some fantastic news bud. Can I ask how many days in are you? Whats your history of porn use i.e how many years and how old are you?

Think I have roughly worked my use to about 20 yrs!  Just never knew the affects it was having on me until finding out about PIED!

I am a very introverted person but I also do function well in social situations and can be very social but there are lots of times where I don't want to be and I wonder If PIED has played a part in this part of my life aswell. Will have to wait and see If I naturally want to become even more social.

17 complete. Battling through day 18 today. I?m 35. I?ve been abusing PMO for 23 years. It honnestly wasn?t out of control till about 7-8ish years ago. Prior to that it was a ?regular? habit problem. I?ve been full blown binging heavily since my late 20s.

Same here with lack of knowledge about PIED. I?ve been chalking up the problems I?ve starting to have in the last 2-3 years to age and regular performance anxiety. I honnestly never realized there was a danger in any of this.

28 Days PMO Free - UPDATE

Not a huge amount to report here. Still a lack of sexual interest or physical response to any real women.

I did notice some morning wood for about 3 days at the beginning of this week. You know the kind you get when you wake up and really need a piss  ;D Haven't had that for a long time so perhaps that is relevant and worth noting although it did stop for the rest of the week.

I caught myself looking at non sexual images of women on my phone and some small increased blood flow to my dick but I pulled myself away from that fairly quickly.

I am off all social media of any kind but I do find myself browsing girls on POF. Not for sexual stimuli but just because I am currently single and it is like browsing a catalogue just seeing what is out there. Shouldn't been any issues with this should there? Thoughts????

Generally feel good in myself day today, not depressed or anything like that and just getting on with life. Thinking positive thoughts and hoping for a spontaneous boner in the middle of a supermarket when a hot girl catches my eye one day  ;D ;D ;D

thephoenix said:

17 complete. Battling through day 18 today. I?m 35. I?ve been abusing PMO for 23 years. It honnestly wasn?t out of control till about 7-8ish years ago. Prior to that it was a ?regular? habit problem. I?ve been full blown binging heavily since my late 20s.

Same here with lack of knowledge about PIED. I?ve been chalking up the problems I?ve starting to have in the last 2-3 years to age and regular performance anxiety. I honnestly never realized there was a danger in any of this.

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Sounds like such a similar story to mine. I always thought my issues were possibly hormone related due to steroid us and there were probably times where of course this would have affected it as well but it makes perfect sense now that the main culprit has always been PMO. My eyes have truly been opened since discovering this as the cause of such problems in men of all ages. Better late than never to have found out and be able to try do something about it. Just makes me gutted that I was a lot less forward with so many women and girls in my 20s due to my concern with the ED issue. It hasn't stopped me from enjoying some good long term relationships over the last 13 years but it could have been so much better 

35 Days PMO Free - UPDATE

Updates are gonna be fairly simple like this when there is not much to report unfortunately. Have still stayed clear away from all pornography. Also there has been no orgasms. I have recently however been doing some jelqing as I feel this is helping to keep circulation good during my flatline period and stopping me from hanging too cold and retracted. I don't necessarily see doing this as a bad thing as I am not using P, I do not O and I don't see it as doing M for a sexual heightening purpose. 

No morning wood or anything at the moment, no sexual dreams and no physical responsiveness to real female stimuli but on the whole feel pretty good in myself.

I am really looking forward to being able to reach that first big milestone of 90 days PMO free! 30 days is a good one aswell I guess but I have found that one very easy.

I've got a female friend who says shes willing to help me try and rewire so may attempt that in not so distant future but not sure if I should just not "O" at all for 90 days first before even doing that with real woman? If anyone wants to give their input or thoughts on this I would be happy to hear them....

36 Days PMO Free - UPDATE

Just had my first wet dream in years!!! Haha I know we are supposed to avoid "O" but that is pretty difficult when you are doing it on an unconscious level in a dream state but there we go!

I am still classing this a victory and a sign of improvement as i literally cannot remember the last time I ever had a wet dream! must be 15+ Years ago! I woke up with a smile on my face I tell you that lol!  ;D ;D ;D

39 Days PMO Free - UPDATE (Failed)  :-\

Today I failed.. Masturbated and Orgasm to porn and immediately felt a feeling of failure and guilt. Very annoyed with myself!

This PIED is a curse. I am hoping that starting again from now will at least be better than the original starting point I had before.

So frustrating

build4life said:

39 Days PMO Free - UPDATE (Failed)  :-\

Today I failed.. Masturbated and Orgasm to porn and immediately felt a feeling of failure and guilt. Very annoyed with myself!

This PIED is a curse. I am hoping that starting again from now will at least be better than the original starting point I had before.

So frustrating

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Try not to be too hard on yourself. One PMO session after 39 days it's not the end of the world. It's not like everyday. Make sure you don't binge when you relapse. If it happened to fail, make that one the only one. 39 days is some progress nevertheless.

changemylife said:

Try not to be too hard on yourself. One PMO session after 39 days it's not the end of the world. It's not like everyday. Make sure you don't binge when you relapse. If it happened to fail, make that one the only one. 39 days is some progress nevertheless.

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I hopefully do not think I will suddenly find myself going on a binge as I already feel so guilty for it! Thanks for helping me feel a little more positive about it as 1 day in 39 still has to be some sort of achievement!

I had another member suggest to me in a PM that perhaps my relapse came about from me touching myself to increase blood flow and I have to say I do completely agree with this.

I first found out about PIED when I decided to venture into the world of PE. My PIED was clearly something that was stopping me from doing my best at PE and that is when I decided to put PE to the side and concentrate on getting the PIED sorted first. However after 30+ days PMO free I thought why not add in some jelqs to help with circulation and then that led me back to wanting to do PE again which then led me to porn as I wanted to achieve a decent erection to do PE and then thus accidentally orgasmed to it  :-\

So here we are starting again as I said in my previous post.

Anyone else on here who was involved in the PE world and then learned about this PIED?.......

5 Days PMO Free (2nd attempt) - UPDATE

So first 5 days back into my second attempt at no pmo hardcore mode. Not much to report. Feeling pretty good mentally and just getting on with work and life etc. Back at the gym for the first time in 8 months! I could not train due to chronic back pain which I now have under control thanks to physiotherapy, and a shoulder injury which has now healed however I may still need surgery on it but for now I can train again to some degree which makes me happy. Gonna focus on bringing in some cardio this year instead of just weights as want to be healthy all over but I know good CV health is important for penile blood flow!

No urges or anything at the moment, basically dead dick but its not hanging as small and shrivelled as it was for the first few days after my last PMO. It is interesting to notice how immediately after PMO you do get prolonged shrinkage. Food for thought......

Will keep everyone posted.

10 Days PMO Free (2nd attempt) - UPDATE

So dick has been basically dead and lifeless for the most part. Had a sort of sex dream last night which is always a pleasure but did not cause me to wake up with morning wood or have a wet dream etc. Probably because in the actual dream itself I was not able to perform haha  : must be a subconscious confirmation to myself that I am not fixed yet lol!

Anyway only downside I have noticed to this is that It has given me a slight increase in libido today but its making my mind drift to old porn imagery as that is what causes a physical response for me downstairs. My mind goes to those thoughts and I can feel an increase in blood flow to my penis. Not a huge amount and nowhere near enough for an erection but just something I am aware of so I try my best to shut down those thoughts as they are not the things I want turning me on anymore but it is hard to resist as its a nice feeling when you sense your dick is alive and not dead so you automatically want to carry on with those thoughts.

Hopefully next update again next week or if anything else interesting happens in the interim then Ill post that up earlier.

15 Days PMO Free (2nd attempt) - UPDATE

Had a couple of mild sex dreams at the beginning of this week. They did not result in erections or wet dreams but then just been dead dick for the rest of the week. I have found myself thinking about sex more often but luckily nothing porn related.

It is interesting to see how I was definitely seeing some improvement signs towards the end of my first reboot attempt that lasted 39 days and then since failing and PMO that it is clear how much it sets your progress back and you feel like you are back to square one again.

Lets keep this train rolling. Can't wait for the day when I can just look at an attractive girl again in real life, catch her smiling back at me and in response get a rock harder boner in my pants from just that haha! Its positive thoughts like that which want to keep me on this path. So many lost years to PMO that if and when I get this fixed I have some serious making up to do haha  ;D ;D ;D ;D

17 Days PMO Free (2nd attempt) - UPDATE

Definitely feeling the flatline the last couple of days. Today my dick has been so cold small and shrivelled its ridiculous. I think this is probably one of the more hated symptoms for me more so than any emotional ones. Hate that feeling of no circulation down there and it feels uncomfortable because it is so tight and shrivelled.. mmmmmmm..... Hoping this doesn't last too long. 

23 Days PMO Free (2nd attempt) - UPDATE

Dick has been feeling very cold and shrivelled all week, not pleasant. Don't think the cold weather helps at all either. I had one evening this week where my ex girlfriend came over to mine and we had a really nice evening cuddled up and being playful together. We have been getting on well recently. Nothing sexual between us but just felt quite loving and was nice. I went to bed that evening and I got woken up by a raging hard-on in a semi dream like state. Not sure I was having a sex dream or not but was a good feeling to have that. Penis went back to being small again for the rest of the day though and nothing else has happened since.

24 Days PMO Free (2nd attempt) - UPDATE

There is definitely something to be said about having someone to help you rewire. So I spent last night in bed with my ex girlfriend and we had some really nice cuddles with lots of touching and feeling with each other. We also repeated that again in the morning when we both woke up. Both times I got an erection without even thinking about it and it felt like a fair decent quality erection too. There was no move made towards having any actual sex and I think if there was I am not 100% sure my erection would maintain enough to penetrate but I just really enjoyed getting to be close and loving with her again and feel my penis respond without thinking about it or having to concentrate of visualise porn images for example to get hard.

We have been getting on very well lately and even this morning when I left she wanted to know when I could next come over for cuddles in bed so I am going to really use this opportunity to help rewire with her as often as I can. I wonder if my connection to her is getting better since quitting porn as she used to say I was "never really there" when in bed and I think I know what she meant by this now after experiencing the kind of loving connection I had with her last night.

Penis has however gone straight back to being cold and small again for the rest of today.

30 Days PMO Free (2nd attempt) - UPDATE

Ok so the 30 day milestone has now been hit for the second time which is great news! Nothing to report though really. No sexual interest or libido to speak of. General feeling great within myself though and happy to hit 30 days PMO free. No cravings for porn or orgasm at all which is a good thing.

No rewiring sessions with my ex as I had hoped for but oh well. Lets keep this train moving along! 

37 Days PMO Free (2nd attempt) - UPDATE

Ok..... So this past week have noticed a few nocturnal erections in the night and I actually had a wet dream one night aswell. General day to day there is still no sexual desire or libido really but seems like something is obviously happening subconsciously when I am sleeping though which is good news! Penis still small and cold during the days but then the weather is not exactly warm outside and I work a lot outdoors.