Quitforeverthenwin
Active Member
Hey everybody, I came pretty far in my recovery and have no been on this forum in awhile, but unfortunately have had several lapses. Last night and this morning being the worst. I am rededicated and it already seems like a long time ago. The lapses were really my fault. I found what works to beat this, and stopped doing it just a bit too early.
I almost felt a bit ashamed to come back to the forum with the same screen name, as I just wanted to have this done in one journal (I previously had one) but hell, it is what it is. I have found things that work very well to keep me away from my past compulsive masturbation, porn and fantasy behaviors, it's just a matter of keeping them up for a bit longer, and keeping some of them a permanent part of my life.
An issue I have, is I tend to like to pretend I don't have problems. I DO NOT want to turn into a cry fest woah is me type of deal. But maybe it does not hurt to ask for additional support and advice... so especially for guys who have successfully beaten this I would appreciate a bit of tips and encouragement.
Additionally I find calling friends helps me with other issues, so I may look into an accountability partner/ network as well.
A bit about me:
I had no idea this was an issue for years, but my dick did not work. I was this awkward guy, but I busted my ass to learn to be able to date women. I never became great but managed to get several women in bed, all with my dick not working. A mentor/friend told me about your brain on porn .com and to stop watching porn and masturbating. ( I was I think 23 at the time) and for the first time I really enjoyed sex just two weeks later! Unfortunately the chaser effect got me and I'd go back and forth. Eventually I totally quite masturbating to porn. about 3 years ago now! But I would still look at it and masturbate after....
I had a little bad luck... I had a girlfriend who I engaged with porn induced fetishes with, that set me back and actually started giving me my PED again! I cut that out, things were going swimmingly, I was stepping it up and then I was trying to cut out fantasy of my porn induced fetishes, the withdrawal was strong but I was doing it! I decided to sign up for a 12 step program (sex addicts anonymous) for support......
I was in it but not that "into it" but over and over I heard "you are powerless" "you can not control your actions etc." and was pressured into doing all this crazy stuff. Like feeling powerless and praying and stuff and I relapsed!!!!! I stayed in the group and got worse and worse.... it was the opposite of recovery!!! Instead of rationally building discipline and changing the habit, it made it far worse as when you tell yourself you can not control your addiction it gets worse!!! How foolish I was to be in that group. (In the group they teach you the only way is 12 step, I did research and find 12 step actually has a super low success rate, but they brainwash people into talking it up).
Anyway, I left the group, it took my years to get to a 30 day streak again, as I had lost quite a bit of discipline and stopped dating which hurt me bad! (rewiring was huge!) Now I have had several streaks like that, but recently have moved cities and started lapsing about twice a week. No matter that is all in the past, what has worked for me of recent, I will simply rationally work on more of that.
Smart recovery (not meetings the manual) - A science based program, it really helps me get rid of all the bs I learned in 12 step. It's simple, you focus on building motivation, writing out what is motivating you, and coming up with strategies to avoid things that bring about urges and to handle them when they show up. (pretty much similiar to what most of us are doing here). - When reading through that manual and working on the exercises for 30 min a day I never slipped. (So just do that till the habit is dead, stop being a lazy ass and skipping it until I slip again).
Journaling!- Journaling here helped me in getting my first 30+ days lapse free since I had been brainwashed into losing my willpower in the 12 step group.
7 steps of highly effective people- This book has a 30 day "be proactive challenge" essentially it's all about acting in spite of your feelings, go all out for 30 days. This really ups my willpower and control of my self.
Simply put I will implement these three things that have worked for me in the past, in order to really beat this once and for all. As well as asking for a bit more support and encouragement as that can not hurt. Therefore having a real like get rid of these lame ass compulsions super program lol.
Also, I moved to a warm great city, it's great for my mood. But I ought to be careful about looking at the women too much.
Anyway, thanks for reading, hope you all are having a great day!
I almost felt a bit ashamed to come back to the forum with the same screen name, as I just wanted to have this done in one journal (I previously had one) but hell, it is what it is. I have found things that work very well to keep me away from my past compulsive masturbation, porn and fantasy behaviors, it's just a matter of keeping them up for a bit longer, and keeping some of them a permanent part of my life.
An issue I have, is I tend to like to pretend I don't have problems. I DO NOT want to turn into a cry fest woah is me type of deal. But maybe it does not hurt to ask for additional support and advice... so especially for guys who have successfully beaten this I would appreciate a bit of tips and encouragement.
Additionally I find calling friends helps me with other issues, so I may look into an accountability partner/ network as well.
A bit about me:
I had no idea this was an issue for years, but my dick did not work. I was this awkward guy, but I busted my ass to learn to be able to date women. I never became great but managed to get several women in bed, all with my dick not working. A mentor/friend told me about your brain on porn .com and to stop watching porn and masturbating. ( I was I think 23 at the time) and for the first time I really enjoyed sex just two weeks later! Unfortunately the chaser effect got me and I'd go back and forth. Eventually I totally quite masturbating to porn. about 3 years ago now! But I would still look at it and masturbate after....
I had a little bad luck... I had a girlfriend who I engaged with porn induced fetishes with, that set me back and actually started giving me my PED again! I cut that out, things were going swimmingly, I was stepping it up and then I was trying to cut out fantasy of my porn induced fetishes, the withdrawal was strong but I was doing it! I decided to sign up for a 12 step program (sex addicts anonymous) for support......
I was in it but not that "into it" but over and over I heard "you are powerless" "you can not control your actions etc." and was pressured into doing all this crazy stuff. Like feeling powerless and praying and stuff and I relapsed!!!!! I stayed in the group and got worse and worse.... it was the opposite of recovery!!! Instead of rationally building discipline and changing the habit, it made it far worse as when you tell yourself you can not control your addiction it gets worse!!! How foolish I was to be in that group. (In the group they teach you the only way is 12 step, I did research and find 12 step actually has a super low success rate, but they brainwash people into talking it up).
Anyway, I left the group, it took my years to get to a 30 day streak again, as I had lost quite a bit of discipline and stopped dating which hurt me bad! (rewiring was huge!) Now I have had several streaks like that, but recently have moved cities and started lapsing about twice a week. No matter that is all in the past, what has worked for me of recent, I will simply rationally work on more of that.
Smart recovery (not meetings the manual) - A science based program, it really helps me get rid of all the bs I learned in 12 step. It's simple, you focus on building motivation, writing out what is motivating you, and coming up with strategies to avoid things that bring about urges and to handle them when they show up. (pretty much similiar to what most of us are doing here). - When reading through that manual and working on the exercises for 30 min a day I never slipped. (So just do that till the habit is dead, stop being a lazy ass and skipping it until I slip again).
Journaling!- Journaling here helped me in getting my first 30+ days lapse free since I had been brainwashed into losing my willpower in the 12 step group.
7 steps of highly effective people- This book has a 30 day "be proactive challenge" essentially it's all about acting in spite of your feelings, go all out for 30 days. This really ups my willpower and control of my self.
Simply put I will implement these three things that have worked for me in the past, in order to really beat this once and for all. As well as asking for a bit more support and encouragement as that can not hurt. Therefore having a real like get rid of these lame ass compulsions super program lol.
Also, I moved to a warm great city, it's great for my mood. But I ought to be careful about looking at the women too much.
Anyway, thanks for reading, hope you all are having a great day!