Day 3:
It's Day 3 of my reboot. Not the first time I have done this, I am sad to say. However, I am glad to be doing this. getting on the right track once again. That is in in itself a small victory. It got me thinking. How do I define addiction?
For me, the inability to quit something I know is detrimental to my life and relationships is an addiction. For me, P,M,O in any combination leaves me with feelings of guilt, failure, lack of self worth. One can argue that MO provides a safe release and is harmless, even healthy. That doesn't work for me. Making love to my wife results in feelings of love, closeness, and satisfaction. That act deepens and strengthens our relationship. MO results in the opposite. it decreases the desire for intimacy, and leaves me cold. All of this is contrary to my spiritual beliefs, so my relationship with my Creator is also compromised.
When we first met, my wife and I had enough good, strong, long lasting friendships. we didn't need another friend. We were both looking for something deeper, and we found that in each other. My PMO has reduced our relationship to a really good friendship, that many would envy in their own marriages. But I know how much better it can be. I've been there and I want that back.
Years ago, serious health issues took its toll on our sex life. As a result, we both got used to a lack of intimacy. Aging has taken it's toll as well. Intimacy is not impossible, we both just got lazy, and for me it seemed easier to MO as a release. However with the prevalence and accessibility of P online, it has become too easy to let myself aimless surf and skate onto thin ice and fall in. It really disgusts me.
Cleaning myself up, is the first step in restoring intimacy in my marriage, self respect, and most importantly my spirituality and relationship with God.
I come from a very religious background and my faith plays the most important role in my life and relationships. It governs my decision making (when I actually get it right lol). I'm sharing this about myself, not to establish some persona of righteousness, but to share the source of my point of view with regards to my personal struggle. Perhaps it will make it easier for you to understand me a little better. The wonderful thing about free will is that we all get to choose what we believe and how we behave. However, not without consequences, good or bad. The downside is that my imperfect self has made some bad choices, that I hope to right, and hopefully reverse some of those consequences.
One of my goals is to be open and honest about my struggle. I've lied to myself for too long. I don't expect others to always agree with me, just respect where I am coming from. I'll do my best not to judge anyone for the way in which they deal with their struggle. We're all fighting our own battle in the same war. I'm here because I need your support and I hope I can be a support to you as well. If you haven't fallen asleep by now, thanks for sticking with me to the end.
I wish you all peace in your fight.
It's Day 3 of my reboot. Not the first time I have done this, I am sad to say. However, I am glad to be doing this. getting on the right track once again. That is in in itself a small victory. It got me thinking. How do I define addiction?
For me, the inability to quit something I know is detrimental to my life and relationships is an addiction. For me, P,M,O in any combination leaves me with feelings of guilt, failure, lack of self worth. One can argue that MO provides a safe release and is harmless, even healthy. That doesn't work for me. Making love to my wife results in feelings of love, closeness, and satisfaction. That act deepens and strengthens our relationship. MO results in the opposite. it decreases the desire for intimacy, and leaves me cold. All of this is contrary to my spiritual beliefs, so my relationship with my Creator is also compromised.
When we first met, my wife and I had enough good, strong, long lasting friendships. we didn't need another friend. We were both looking for something deeper, and we found that in each other. My PMO has reduced our relationship to a really good friendship, that many would envy in their own marriages. But I know how much better it can be. I've been there and I want that back.
Years ago, serious health issues took its toll on our sex life. As a result, we both got used to a lack of intimacy. Aging has taken it's toll as well. Intimacy is not impossible, we both just got lazy, and for me it seemed easier to MO as a release. However with the prevalence and accessibility of P online, it has become too easy to let myself aimless surf and skate onto thin ice and fall in. It really disgusts me.
Cleaning myself up, is the first step in restoring intimacy in my marriage, self respect, and most importantly my spirituality and relationship with God.
I come from a very religious background and my faith plays the most important role in my life and relationships. It governs my decision making (when I actually get it right lol). I'm sharing this about myself, not to establish some persona of righteousness, but to share the source of my point of view with regards to my personal struggle. Perhaps it will make it easier for you to understand me a little better. The wonderful thing about free will is that we all get to choose what we believe and how we behave. However, not without consequences, good or bad. The downside is that my imperfect self has made some bad choices, that I hope to right, and hopefully reverse some of those consequences.
One of my goals is to be open and honest about my struggle. I've lied to myself for too long. I don't expect others to always agree with me, just respect where I am coming from. I'll do my best not to judge anyone for the way in which they deal with their struggle. We're all fighting our own battle in the same war. I'm here because I need your support and I hope I can be a support to you as well. If you haven't fallen asleep by now, thanks for sticking with me to the end.
I wish you all peace in your fight.