Journal - one more time

day 1

I am 41 years old and have been addicted to porn and masturbation for almost 30 years. It has destroyed almost all my relationships and other vital parts of life.
Once again I will put myself on this journey. I tried it countless times before and I hope the pain and drain I feel right now will keep my on the path of success this time.

Good luck to you, mate. You we're clean when you logged-in Hope you can stay clean through the day. Focus on the "pain & drain" is supposedly good in the very early days, right? But do you think long-term success might need you to focus on the "pleasure and leisure" that life without P can give you? I hope you have some positive stuff that you can look forward to.

Successfully made it through the first day. Kept myself busy bicycling around and handling all sorts of task I normally procrastinate. Feels good to be in company with fellow addicts here. I will put my focus and energy into working on my social skills and revive my old beloved hobbies. 

Welcome Knuty, and good to have you on board. Are there any learnings to take out of the last attempts? Things that you can tweak and adjust to strengthen your plan? Would be great to know a bit more about you if you're comfortable sharing. Well done on getting through day one.

knuty said:

Successfully made it through the first day. Kept myself busy bicycling around and handling all sorts of task I normally procrastinate. Feels good to be in company with fellow addicts here. I will put my focus and energy into working on my social skills and revive my old beloved hobbies.

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Every successful streak starts with day 1. Maybe it feels like too little right now but it's necessary. Patience is very important for us. We must not be impatient and think about 90 days or whatever right now, because it feels like a lot of days until then. I like to set smaller goals for myself, like 5 days, 1 week, 10 days etc. As always, learn what your porn behavior is and stay away from everything. No edging, no peeking, no pictures, try to focus on something else when images and flashbacks come into your head (don't bathe in the "porn in your head" because it creates crazy craving). If you starve your addicted brain, the rewire process will work by itself. I know that completely starving the addicted brain sucks because of hard urges and cravings but relapsing is misery and honestly, between the misery of withdrawal and the misery of relapsing, I like the former.