Fear to fail forever

Hi everyone,

My name is William, and I'm 30 years old. I'm a porn addict and I suffer from PIED. I have experienced constant failures for about 4 years and about one week ago I ran into this website and I was really surprised to see other men are experiencing the same problem as me.

Thanks to reboot nation I discovered PIED is the name of my worst nightmare and rebooting might be the hope to end this. I am on day 7 and I need to talk about the feeling that I have now: FEAR.

It is so intense and desperate I need to chat with someone about it. I am really ashamed to talk with people I know, but really desperate. I am afraid to fail ever and ever. Afraid of not using my penis (even with porn) and experience no interest of sex at all. I am desperate, anxious and trembling every time I think of.

I had a terrible nightmare last night. The problem is that nightmare was actually a memory of previous failures with one of my Ex GF. She was angry in the dream. I failed. I failed. I failed. I woke up really sad this morning and registered in this forum. This is my first post. The simple fact I' m  writing this down makes me feel better.

But the thing is: I'm really scared.

Has anyone here faced fear (pure fear) during rebooting process? How we can deal with that?

Your concern is totally normal, and the best thing you can do is educate yourself about PIED and rebooting.  Then, quit porn forever and don't look back.  If you haven't already done so, watch all 6 videos on yourbrainonporn.com. 

The recovery process is more or less the same for everyone in general, but different for everyone in the specifics.  In other words, we all go through some sort of withdrawal symptoms (which may include flatline, anxiety, sleep loss, etc), but exactly which symptoms and for how long depends on the individual.

What we know for sure is that almost everyone recovers given enough time away from PMO.  Most people can recover pretty much completely; I did. 

The process of going through withdrawals is uncomfortable...no way around that.  It can be scary if you don't have anyone to talk to about it.  That's where anonymous forums like this one can be extremely helpful.  My suggestion to you is to keep posting here as you go through your healing process.

Welcome!  You've taken a big step...now just put one foot in front of the other and keep walking the path!

Thanks sender. I can't describe how good is to finally being able to talk about this and get encouragement words. I really appreciate that.

I am reading and watching all materials suggested. I get more surprised every video I watch: "wow, this guy had exactly the same problem I have". That makes me feel there is hope to me. One commitment I can do is when I get it done and have a successful story, I'll post it. I urge to help others facing same nightmare I have now. Hope I can make it.

Now, I have the feeling of being at the bottom of the well. It is quite scaring and I hate myself now. I hate the fact I was the one who let this happen. I look back at all time wasted and how many interesting people I lost just because I had this thinking that porn is better than talking to a girl. Hope these days are gone, but I still have PIED, which is really frustrating.

I hope having better days to come (and happier posts to share soon).

It's true you did this to yourself, but you didn't do it without help.  While you did make a few bad choices (like me), internet porn is as prevalent, accessible, and compellingly addictive as it is for a reason; because it makes money.  What's worse, our society has normalized porn use to such an extent that most people believe that porn use is normal and harmless.  I'm sure you know that shooting heroin would be an extremely bad choice, and would have severely negative consequences.  But most people (myself included) weren't aware of the risks when choosing to use porn.  And I don't know about you, but there isn't anyone in my house (or in my pocket) making heroin available to me 24x7x365; yet that's exactly what we all have with porn.  It's all just too easy.

So don't be too hard on yourself - you're not alone.  In fact, I believe that porn addiction is a silent epidemic that is sweeping the world, and is only now coming into the light.  Be proud that you are now a part of that light!