ForMotherMary
Member
Hey all,
Well, I have finally reached a point where I know I need the support of a community in order to break this habit.
I had a pretty painful fall last night, but like all bad things, it has made me realize how much good can come front it. Indeed, there is so much goodness just waiting to come out of this experience of rebooting, along with the deep friendships and trust that must emerge from a community like this.
Anyway, I am 28 years old, and have looked at P since I was 12--literally more than half of my life has been affected by this stuff. It was all very innocent in the beginning, but it became more hardcore as I got into high school and it became crazier in college. From college up until now I have experienced a Desensitization to P and I now find that I search for guys online, even though I am completely straight with real women in real life. It really freaked me out at first, but Gary Wilson's article has brought a lot of hope that my brain can return to its normal state--to the things that excited me from my youth.
My triggers are usually: alcohol, loneliness, sadness, anger, or when others dislike something I have done or make me feel small.
I am deceivingly sensitive. I was one of the "cool kids" in high school and college (if there is even such a thing); I am smart, athletic, I love to pray and go to Church, and I love serving others. Everyone thinks I have everything under control all the time (which from the outside I guess it seems that way), but in reality, on the inside, I am always afraid and I always feel I am not living up to everyone else's standards. I always worry way too much about what people think about me. No one would believe it, but I am deeply sensitive when people criticize something I have done or when someone says a comment that belittles me. I suppose my pride is to blame, but nevertheless, it is these types of moments where I always turn to PMO--and it always makes me feel a thousand times worse after the deed has been done.
I usually fall about once a week. I have had longer streaks (a few weeks at a time), and last year I even made it to 73 days! But I have fallen back into old habits and I am looking forward to rebooting and leaving this vice behind me in the dust.
The methods I am considering are:
- cold showers every day (I did this for Lent once, and although it really really sucks, it is pretty awesome and makes you feel manly at the same time).
- I plan on praying everyday and trying to find some Scripture passages that inspire me each day.
- I don't know a lot about the whole accountability partner aspect of rebooting, but I am willing to try it if someone wanted to fight the good fight together.
Thank you to all of you who are a part of this community, and thank you for your willingness to battle for true freedom. I would love any insight or feedback if you have any.
The thing I am grateful for today: the creators of this site and the Hope that is in my heart for a new beginning.
Well, I have finally reached a point where I know I need the support of a community in order to break this habit.
I had a pretty painful fall last night, but like all bad things, it has made me realize how much good can come front it. Indeed, there is so much goodness just waiting to come out of this experience of rebooting, along with the deep friendships and trust that must emerge from a community like this.
Anyway, I am 28 years old, and have looked at P since I was 12--literally more than half of my life has been affected by this stuff. It was all very innocent in the beginning, but it became more hardcore as I got into high school and it became crazier in college. From college up until now I have experienced a Desensitization to P and I now find that I search for guys online, even though I am completely straight with real women in real life. It really freaked me out at first, but Gary Wilson's article has brought a lot of hope that my brain can return to its normal state--to the things that excited me from my youth.
My triggers are usually: alcohol, loneliness, sadness, anger, or when others dislike something I have done or make me feel small.
I am deceivingly sensitive. I was one of the "cool kids" in high school and college (if there is even such a thing); I am smart, athletic, I love to pray and go to Church, and I love serving others. Everyone thinks I have everything under control all the time (which from the outside I guess it seems that way), but in reality, on the inside, I am always afraid and I always feel I am not living up to everyone else's standards. I always worry way too much about what people think about me. No one would believe it, but I am deeply sensitive when people criticize something I have done or when someone says a comment that belittles me. I suppose my pride is to blame, but nevertheless, it is these types of moments where I always turn to PMO--and it always makes me feel a thousand times worse after the deed has been done.
I usually fall about once a week. I have had longer streaks (a few weeks at a time), and last year I even made it to 73 days! But I have fallen back into old habits and I am looking forward to rebooting and leaving this vice behind me in the dust.
The methods I am considering are:
- cold showers every day (I did this for Lent once, and although it really really sucks, it is pretty awesome and makes you feel manly at the same time).
- I plan on praying everyday and trying to find some Scripture passages that inspire me each day.
- I don't know a lot about the whole accountability partner aspect of rebooting, but I am willing to try it if someone wanted to fight the good fight together.
Thank you to all of you who are a part of this community, and thank you for your willingness to battle for true freedom. I would love any insight or feedback if you have any.
The thing I am grateful for today: the creators of this site and the Hope that is in my heart for a new beginning.