Hoping to make the best decision with the rest of 2020

avi

Member
Hi Everyone,

I am a 29 year old Indian guy, who, like everyone on this form decided that they've had enough of the amount of time spent watching porn and indulging in fake fantasies. From what I can recall, I was introduced to porn by my friends and just like every 14 year old, it was thrilling to watch. It initially started with photos but back in the day, internet in India was just awful and maybe that saved me from Indulging in heavy pornography early on. When I went to college, I was both blessed and cursed with high speed internet and wasn't particularly interested in socializing with people even though I have a fairly likable personality. I did eventually have a girlfriend but that did not stop me from indulging in porn and the click-friendly novelty that it provides. During that time, the attempt of sex were fairly unsatisfying although I do believe that being with an actual person was rewiring my brain but that ended and I dove further into porn. As I moved to the US, my focus on education made me not spend too much time meeting/dating other women and when I did do that, there was the underlying anxiety that if there was an escalation then it would end up being embarrassing for me and disappointing for her. Therefore, I avoided getting intimate with anyone.
Last year, I unintentionally went on a 30 day NoFap routine (I stopped PMO for the first 15 days and then before I knew it, it was a month). During that time, I did meet a girl and as we started to get intimate, there was no response down there. I freaked out. I wasn't sure what was happening but I was honest with her and told her that I have been using porn for way  too long and this something that I need to follow through. To my delight, she was very supportive but somewhere in the back of my mind, there was disappointment. I guess that was also because my mindset was that of "I don't really get that intimate with anyone" and now that I got a chance, there was an inner sense of betrayal. Despite that, I was always making sure that me not being able to achieve O did not have a negative effect on her experience with me. When things ended with her (more because of me changing cities, at least in my head) I slowly fell back into that routine.
Over the past couple of months, as I came across YBOP and this forum, I realized that the way I have been conducting myself in the intimacy department is not really optimal and I need to be better. I also acknowledge that this might be affecting my personality and aspirations in other areas since sexuality and procreation are some of the key factors around which the human society revolves, whether it is to our chagrin or not but it inevitably holds true.

Steps that I have taken and continue to refine -

1. Using the Freedom app, I have blocked all adult and distracting website from my phone and my computer. Additionally, I have created time blocks for websites (movie, youtube and other visual platforms) that start around 11 pm until 4 am so that I do not go into a late night edging binge.

2. I have changed the viewing ratings on my Netflix account down to TV-14 as I want to be mindful about any triggers. The notion of Cue-craving-response can be triggered from seemingly innocuous or "regular" content and I have learned that thinking that you can handle relatively explicit content in a TV show or movie just because you have a decent streak going on is you fooling yourself.

3. I have observed a trend that I tend to indulge in explicit content when I am tired so I take a quick 15 min nap. It refreshes me and resets my focus.

4. I do yoga and meditation every morning in order to make sure that my mind is centered and I can make optimal decisions to prioritize my day.

These are just a few of the measure that I take. This is my first step in a journey of a thousand miles and hopefully I will be able to utilize this forum to better regulate my mind/urges. Any suggestions or comments are welcome and it is great to be a part of a community that is striving to better themselves at the most fundamental level. Cheers!

Day 1
 

wwalker19

Active Member
Hi Avi, welcome!

I'm so glad you're joining the community, we are here to support you through your journey.  Just remember that no matter what, keep your eyes on the prize and don't quit, even if it seems tempting.

A few things I will share that I have learned so far; remember a filter is more like a warning than a barricade.  You can always get around it, it is to remind you of your boundaries, and if you're surpassing it constantly, then you need to reconsider what your goals are. 
It sounds like you have a routine going on, which I strongly advocate for.  I make sure to go to bed at the same time every night, and I pursue the same morning routine every day.  I set daily goals like exercise or practice guitar, and activities like playing my Switch are only permissible after I finish my goals.
I have found that staying engaged with relevant content can be really helpful.  I've been listening to the podcast Porn Free Radio, which is solid.  There's also the Porn Reboot Podcast, which gives excellent advice but I think the guy who runs it is somewhat exploitative so maybe don't pay for any of his services.  I also recommend reading related books (be careful when browsing, book covers can be triggering!) and staying engaged here. 

Overall, your life is in your hands.  Don't give up, learn from your mistakes, and work hard, and no matter what you'll be proud of the person you build yourself into.
 

avi

Member
Hey wwalker19! Thanks for the suggestions and resources. I am all ears to listening and learning about the tools that benefit others and allow them to stay on track in their journey. I will definitely check the podcast out and I do agree with the triggers. A couple of times before, even if I thought that an image or a video still was not a trigger, it quickly lead me down a slippery path. I have wised up to it although these are early days and it will be important to keep a level head down the line as well.
 

avi

Member
Day 2
Spent yesterday avoiding all explicit stimuli. I have been meditating for the past 2 weeks so catching myself during these thoughts has been helpful. Dreams have because very sexual. Don't know why that happens when you are trying to quit porn but there are theories. I have been applying the same principle of control to youtube videos as well. Just sticking to sports content with no likelihood of any triggers. I have also found that focusing on every activity that I am doing, in the moment, really helps in keeping sexual thoughts away.  Until tomorrow. Onwards!
 

avi

Member
wwalker19 said:
You've got this!  Success isn't bought, it's rented, and rent is due every day.

100% my friend! Thanks and best wishes to you too on your journey!
 

avi

Member
Day 3

Being involved in engaging projects seems to be a surefire way to make sure the entire day goes by in the most entertaining and quick fashion. Did some data analysis today and before I knew it, it was 5:30 pm. Even then, my focus is not loosened. Time to read some books ( "Hamilton" and "the End of Faith" are currently being devoured). Sending good vibes to everyone who is taking a step forward in this journey. Cheers! 
 

avi

Member
Day 5

So....I ended up relapsing yesterday. Decided to treat myself to a nice dinner and wine. The consumption of wine, in my understanding, lowered my inhibitions enough that I went down a rabbit hole on internet before wasting couple of hours edging and then Oing. I also realized that the tail end of my day basically involved me doing nothing which further made me want to fill that emptiness with something, in this case it was MOing. So what did I learn and what am I going to do?
1. Cutting off consumption of any alcohol during this rebooting phase.
2. Having social engagements or other tasks aligned, especially for the weekend when I am most likely to take it "easy".
You live and you learn. I have learned from these mistakes and will continue to build on them. 
 

wwalker19

Active Member
Hey Avi, you're doing the right stuff.  What's important is learning from the slips during the process, because it's gonna take time.  It wouldn't be an addiction if we were just able to say we're stopping and then stop.  But this time you'll do better!
 

avi

Member
Thanks! and yes, I will be.

Day 6

Been busy since the moment I woke up this morning. I spent pretty much my entire day mentally engaged in my project so din't even realize when  it was 6 pm. Now time to unwind by learning how to play guitar and read.

Onwards and upwards!
 

wwalker19

Active Member
Aha, another guitar man!  How longhave you been playing?  Acoustic/electric?  Also, that's fantastic, staying busy is the best feeling in this process.  Productive habits are great for that
 

avi

Member
wwalker19 said:
Aha, another guitar man!  How longhave you been playing?  Acoustic/electric?  Also, that's fantastic, staying busy is the best feeling in this process.  Productive habits are great for that
You too! That is great. How long have you been into it? Also, do you use any apps to track your progression or improve your knowledge?
I have been playing on and off about an year now but have decided to be more serious about it over the past month. Inherited a friend's acoustic guitar and it has been nice taking on a musical instrument. Puts you in a state of flow when practicing and I am enjoying it more and more.
 

avi

Member
Day 7

Right around middle of the day I started to feel very tired. I have noticed previously that when I was tired then I would start browsing internet mindlessly in search of stimulation..any stimulation. Lucky for me, I am working from home and just decided to pop-in a quick nap. Woke up and felt great and ready to take on other tasks. I read somewhere that you need to be mindful of the fact whether you are hungry, angry, lonely or tired during your recovery. Glad right now I have a 20 min simple and healthy fix instead of a 2 hr long mindless unhealthy obsession.
Daily awareness is the key! Cheers!
 

avi

Member
Day 8

Even though I woke up late, tasks at hand made sure that I went from morning to evening with and explicit focus on work. Had a good meal and now it is time to read and plan some to-do items for the weekend. I need to have a clear cut plan for the weekends since having nothing there is how I slipped last time. This time it will be different. This time it will be better. Cheers!
 

wwalker19

Active Member
Hey Avi, solid plan.  If you can, try to ensure your plan gets you outside, or with other people.  Physical activity is always great too!  Preemptive planning is key to success here.

As for guitar, I play acoustic, and I've been playing about six months.  I don't track my progress with any apps, I haven't looked too deeply into those.  I'm pretty eager to keep improving, it's so fun and really quite beautiful.  It's also so versatile!  More so than most instruments, I think.
 

avi

Member
wwalker19 said:
Hey Avi, solid plan.  If you can, try to ensure your plan gets you outside, or with other people.  Physical activity is always great too!  Preemptive planning is key to success here.

As for guitar, I play acoustic, and I've been playing about six months.  I don't track my progress with any apps, I haven't looked too deeply into those.  I'm pretty eager to keep improving, it's so fun and really quite beautiful.  It's also so versatile!  More so than most instruments, I think.

There's this app called Yousician. Their payment plan is stupid but in terms of the interface and 20 mins of daily free practice, it's well done. Worth checking out
 

avi

Member
Day 9

Today has been weird. Had to wake up early in the morning to get grocery shopping done because it gets hot as hell later in the day. Didn't get enough sleep last night so I spent the entire day in a weird uneasy state where I was studying for a while then trying to go to bed and then coming back to work because I was worried if I slept off then it would really mess me up. Regardless, I stayed on track. I think I am just going to quickly work on my dinner and retire to bed early. Would be really good to put all this uneasiness to bed...literally.
Hope everyone else is staying strong and moving forward. Cheers!
 

avi

Member
Day 10

Another day that went by without much thinking. When you are focused on the right things, you don't need to worry about whether you'll slip or not. As the weekend starts tomorrow, I have tasks and plans lined up, especially for my evenings. I have a schedule and that is going to be the key. I am pretty excited about it as I will get a chance to take care of my personal projects away from work projects. Wishing strong will, focus and energetic days for everyone else. Cheers!
 

avi

Member
Day 11 (1 week without PMO)

And just like that, another day goes by. I spent a good chunk of researching stuff, watching movies and cooking and before I knew it, the day was over. Even though I slept super late last night (4:00 am; Don't know why I did that), it has been a good day. That being said, I can't repeat yesterday. Not getting proper sleep at the right time messes with your routine. I need to remember that I stay on it. This one week went by well and I will build on it more and more. Onwards! Cheers!

 

avi

Member
Day 12

I have come to realize that everyday, especially the weekends need to have a proper active routine. During these times when going out is not really an option, you have got to keep yourself busy. I found myself having a lot of urges near the end of the day but I think I was lucky not to give in. That being said, it is important to rely on my system and not on luck. Luck does not always go in your favor.
 
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