Rebooting in 3.2.1 ...

35 year old guy, have been using porn/masturbating since age 11.

For many years i always thought that my social anxiety, shyness, self isolation tendencies and even my porn/masturbation tendencies were related more from my low self esteem than the other way around (i.e. porn causing all of those)

I have been married for almost 15 years, and i must say that it has not been easy, all this time i have been able to conceal my porn addiction from my wife, still shes always been distrustful of me, a rough thing to handle for this many years for both of us.

I tried to quit more times that i can now remember but i haven't been able to go more than one week without going back to watching porn and or masturbating.

This time i must try something different that's why i'm sharing this post and joined this community, as i always thought i could just deal with this alone and after having a relapse only made things worse as i would end up beating myself for it, thinking i was hopeless, the only remedy binging on my addiction again and again.

Im tired of this cycle and im willing to change today, to get back my life, my health, my brain, my self esteem, my marriage, everything i have lost that i wasn't even aware i had before.

Today for me is day one.

Hi, ErasmusH.

Welcome. Wish you good luck on your journey.

The game is winnable. I fully expect more of us to start breaking the cycle and not just the occasional unicorn. I think as more and more of us will start to break free, it will become increasingly easier for people to quit P addiction. It will still be hard but the odds are becoming free are becoming a lot better.

It would be interesting to have some sort of statistics. Of how many attempted, how many rebooted, how long it took, etc. I have a strong feeling that whatever the statistics are ... they are changing for the better. Higher success rate, less relapses, etc.

EW

Hello Erasmush,

When I read your post, I said to myself: "15 years of concealing P to his wife must have cost him a lot of energy and produced some anxiety on the side". But when I think about it, I have also done the same with my close family. In fact, I think most addicts conceal their P use to the people they cherish, probably to protect them from all the troubling contents around (and what we used to jerk with during our time as P users).

Good thing that you decided to join this forum and share your story with us. Be sure to post your progress on a regular basis, particularly in the beginning of the reboot. For my part, I found this was an anchor at first. It enabled me to stay focus on the process of sobering up. It still does.

Hey Erasmus,

First of all welcome to this forum and congratulations on admitting to yourself and the Mrs that you have an addiction. That is the first (and maybe the most important) step towards recovery.
Keeping things hidden is very time consuming but also you feel ashamed and bad about yourself. I've been there as well.

For now I can only advice two things;

1. Start reading and posting on this forum. There is a lot of information on here that you can use to help you in your recovery.
2. Honesty towards your wife, but more importantly towards yourself. Be transparant and if she's up for it include your wife in the process. She doesn't need to know every detail or kink, but involve her in the whole process so that you can heal together.


I hope to read more of you on this forum.

Take care, I am rooting for you

Welcome ErasmusH,

Let just quickly share a couple of things. Self reflection without judgment is key. Question your actions not to be hard on yourself, but to bring about awareness. Building awareness, for me, is very essential.

I wish you well on your journey! When you fall, fall forward (keep your direction and you goal).

Going strong on day 7, without PM, so far so good, thanks for your encouraging words and support.

I have not had any symptoms yet but i think it is too early for that, one thing that did concerned me was having sex with my wife, as i had read about the chaser effect, fortunately this hasn't been an issue for me (yet?), also is having an O affect my reboot? I started with the goal to get rid of PM addiction, not much focusing on the O part, which for me is ok if it is with my wife and im not fantasizing about P, but i know some may consider that as doing a soft reboot vs hard mode reboot, from the experiences i have read about, a soft reboot will take longer to make an effect, and since im taking this with a "marathon not a sprint" mindset i can say im good with this approach.

Thanks again for all your support, i look forward to read/write with you during this process.

EH

ErasmusH,

In response to your question about Oing being a problem, I don't think so necessarily. I have intercourse with my wife still. It is a time to bond, we do release chemicals that help us bond to our mate. When we MO (or PMO) without any thought of our SO and feel that shame and guilt, that is part of our brain saying, "hey, there is no one else here! Why did we do that?"

All in all I say it is okay as long as you follow up with a good mentality, and stay humble about yourself. Don't get complacent.

Better days are yet to come!

Day 0 again,

I had a relapse yesterday, I've always had weakness during weekends, and this time was no exception, I just couldn't hold on, today I feel just awful about myself, and just wondering whats the purpose, as I didn't really felt any difference on the prior days, although the relapse also felt much different this time, it didn't felt good as before but really bad, an emptiness sensation that I did not experienced before.

I will do this, I was aware that this was going to happen eventually, but I will keep going, I made it to 10 days this time, my longest streak ever. My target now is to go beyond it this time.

Hello ErasmusH,


Sorry to hear about your relapse. But for me personally I took one small positive thing out of it:

ErasmusH said:

the relapse also felt much different this time, it didn't felt good as before but really bad, an emptiness sensation that I did not experienced before.

Click to expand...

Although the feeling is not a positive one, to me the reckonition of the emptyness is an indication that you're getting aware of the effect P has on you.
Also, you mention that during weekends you are weaker. Do you have an idea why that is? It could be that your days are not as structured as weekdays, you are more alone, stuff like that.
Could it help for the next weekend to set up a planning? Doing tasks, chores, housework stuff like that. It seems lame as fuck (And it is haha) but creating structure and purpose can help you to not feel lost and resort to PMO.

Good luck!

Day 3, ongoing.

Thanks for your words and recommendations ShadeTrenicin, definitely for me weekends are not structured (at least vs my weekdays), and yes i think this is the reason that my willpower is weaker, i try to have activity during the day that keeps me busy but at night its a whole different story, nevertheless i will try doing different things in order to improve this.

EH 

Hey Erasmus,

Good luck this weekend in keeping it active and staying away from PMO. Im rooting for you!

Have you thought about clearing out a messy cabinet, or something like that. It's a shitty job but when it's done you'll feel good and also, you wouldn't have spend the time worrying or wanking

Good luck!