Recovery: Not Afraid

About Me:      Hi, my name is Brandan and I hate porn.  I am looking to create a fresh start for myself and I feel like that starts here.  My past with porn needs to come to an end. I am a 15 year old male.  I am very mature for my age, I'm smart, and have good friends.  I am not very confident though, I have social anxiety and ADHD but those things don't define me.  I have been feeling pretty depressed lately and I'm ready for a change.

My story:        I have been struggling with porn addiction for about 3-4 years now. Since the first time I saw porn to now my life has slowly been going downhill and its to the point where I know I need to do something about it.  PMO has taken over my life and I feel like it has taken away who I really am. I would like to return to the happy, confident, stable me.  But porn keep pulling me back in like I'm encaged.

I know that I am addicted I know this this because I have tried to quit in the past I have gone 2 weeks without porn once, that was a year ago though. Starting tomorrow I will try to get to 130 days free of PMO. I know this road to recovery will be hard, rough, challenging, tempting, and even painful but I believe I will be able to make it. Even if it takes me several restarts. I am determined.


I am looking for an accountability partner, I feel that it would be benefitial to me.  So if you are around my age or don't have an accountability partner yet then I would be glad to be your partner.  I would be fine with a male or female accountability partner. 


My Goal:        I am trying to achieve 130 days of PMO.  I would like to see changes in myself, such as happiness more motivated and social.  I am also looking to balance my hormones to minimize acne, which can be cause by the chemical release caused by PMO.  I feel that I need to get away from porn which causes me anxiety, stress, and guilt.  I would also like to post here everyday right after school. 

Thanks for reading, I will post again tomorrow.
Good luck to everyone reading this.
Anyone who needs an accountability partner or someone to talk to send me a private message

Day 1: today I did pretty good I definitely have some urges and I really want to look at porn but I feel like I need to get further along.  I have been doing a lot of research on how PMO messes with your head and changes the way your head is balanced and wired, and definitely need to stop.

I find that it is easier to avoid PMO if you stay busy. This is strategy 1.

I will try to add a new strategy each day  

You are unlucky to have this problem but very lucky to have realized it at a young age. My schooling was heavily effected by porn use, my brainfog and information retention problems were the cause of many failed tests. Thankfully those symptoms have been cured now but i can't undo the past. I could go on about how negatively porn had effected my life but i just want to say that i have your back, you have gone 2 weeks before and the first 1-2 weeks is said to be the hardest part of quitting for porn addicts so i know you can do it.
Best of luck 

I'm 18 pmoing since 15-16. I managed 2 months+ but relapsed for like a month... now i've started again. Once your 2 weeks in you stop craving porn and it's alot easier. The mistake i made was watching a facebook video of which triggered back porn memories then i couldn't stop... 2 months in i got my first random erection. I will be your partner if you want made a post asking for one myself.

Day 1: last night was horrible and I PMO'd.
But today is my birthday I am now 15 and I hope to not PMO at the age of 15 and from here on in my life.
I'm pretty as the i screwed up last night and after PMO I became super depressed and went berserk I just sat down outside at night listening to music for like 45 minutes.  Then I did homework and went to bed really late. I woke up late and realized I was still in a bad mood but during school things were a little better because some people said "happy birthday".
I reset my counter and I am sure I'm going to make it further today because I'm not feeling urges that are as strong today.

Thanks to the people that relied it means a lot
I'll try to get to week 2 and hopefully after that some of the urges will die Down.

I "failed" yesterday so I'm starting over.
Anyway I feel like complete crap right now nothing to do with PMO but I have an essay, math, biology reviews and Spanish homework all due tomorrow along with a big test and I haven't started and so I'm going another sleepless night, anyway when I get super tired i tend to slip pretty easy and fall for P and so I'm going to make sure I'm really active and out and about tomorrow.

Sometimes we do stupid things but just because you take a step back doesn't mean you haven't made progress. If you've even just managed to get your frequency down a bit that's still progress and you can keep working at it until you reach your target and go on from there.

The biggest thing to watch out for now is the follow up. The next few days could be hard but you can get through them.

Anyways, God bless and keep safe.

Day 2: yesterday I got through pretty well and today I'm doing even better, I'm going Togo to bed soon meaning that day 2 Is just about over.
Tomorrow should be good but definitely harder because it's a weekend and I will be home more.  Luckily though I'm going to go to a soccer game with some of my friends so hopefully that will keep me occupied. 
Thanks for reading, good luck to everyone!

Don't worry man we all have our moments when we fall. I mean if u look at my journal you can see that I've fallen many many many times before and I've managed to pick myself up and give it another try. One thing to try is to hang out with friends so you're out of the house. Maybe play basketball or football with them. Any kind of sports are good. I'm 14 and I'm not really looking for an accounting partner rightnow, but if I do, you'll be the first person I go to. We're all friends with the monster under our beds, but that monster is just ruining our lives, and we have to go through hell get rid of it. Good luck. We're all here for you-Rec101

Recovery101 said:

Don't worry man we all have our moments when we fall. I mean if u look at my journal you can see that I've fallen many many many times before and I've managed to pick myself up and give it another try. One thing to try is to hang out with friends so you're out of the house. Maybe play basketball or football with them. Any kind of sports are good. I'm 14 and I'm not really looking for an accounting partner rightnow, but if I do, you'll be the first person I go to. We're all friends with the monster under our beds, but that monster is just ruining our lives, and we have to go through hell get rid of it. Good luck. We're all here for you-Rec101

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Thanks man it means a lot when people take the time to reply, and I'm feeling pretty strong about this reboot. Also hanging out with friends DEFINITELY helps me, I feel a lot less likely to PMO if I hang out with friends that day.

You, my friend, are in the lucky position that you noticed your problem at a time where your body can still adapt for good. The enemy seems huge, but you are strong and you've learned to fight it. Keep it up. not just 30 days, not just 90 days...live your life porn-free. You are a representitive of a generation that is the most inclined of all to become addicted. You are the 1% of your friends who says no to porn. You are the 1% so many girls will be looking for the next years. The one who knows the true meaning of love. The one who does not let down and who is great in bed *blink*

The advantage is on your side. Take the chance

Eminem,

I will be the next boring one who will tell you that you are so damn lucky that you realized that you're addicted so early and you are already doing something about it!

I'll tell you more. Given the fact where you start, you can have magnificent stellar achievements and completely change your life. Don't let the addiction take that away from you.

I see you are eager and determined. There are a few threads on this forum that I like a lot and that served as guidance for me and opened doors - explained the addiction, made it more human, more down to earth and took the sting out of it as they show how biologically simple (in principles at least) this addiction is and that it can be beaten. Let me know through PM if you want them.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you and all us here.

Thanks to the guys above. I'm really glad that I have decided to quit. Knowing that almost everyone in my school PMO's on a regular basis is weird.  When they talk about it they talk about it like it is no problem at all, and it's weird because I have done a lot of research and it really messes up your head.

jkkk said:

Eminem,

I will be the next boring one who will tell you that you are so damn lucky that you realized that you're addicted so early and you are already doing something about it!

I'll tell you more. Given the fact where you start, you can have magnificent stellar achievements and completely change your life. Don't let the addiction take that away from you.

I see you are eager and determined. There are a few threads on this forum that I like a lot and that served as guidance for me and opened doors - explained the addiction, made it more human, more down to earth and took the sting out of it as they show how biologically simple (in principles at least) this addiction is and that it can be beaten. Let me know through PM if you want them.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you and all us here.

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Day 2: I didn't do day one but yesterday I was busy all day so I didn't PMO.  Today I did good I was with my friends all day and had no urges at all.  I am really going to do this and i am very determined to get passed this.  I want to go the rest of my life without PMO.  I am going to put each day on here from now on, because I left for about a week and I screwed up a lot that week. 

I have a really important question, if anyone can answer this it would be great.
Okay so I am diagnosed for ADHD and social anxiety.  I am currently taking medication for my ADHD and I've done some research on it and I have found that what ADHD meds do is increase the production of dopamine... Which is exactly what porn does! Does this mean if I continue to take my meds and also quit PMO that my brain won't re-wire like other people on this forum?

If you can answer this I would be super thankful
Thanks, I'll write again tomorrow

It's great that today and yesterday went well for you! As for your medication I think the main issue is when dopamine is produced in response to p, not dopamine itself. So long as you continue to avoid pmo I don't think there will be an issue but then again I'm no expert on brain chemistry so take what I say with a pinch of salt.

Day 3: today was pretty good I didn't have very many urges.  I also bam learning ways to deal with urges.  I have been using the fortify program which has helped, there is also an app for iPhone called Brainbuddy and it is helping too.  Some of the strategies I definitely recommend include, breathing slowly in through your nose and out through your mouth for 3-5 minutes, this allows you to think more clearly when you have urges.
Another amazing tip is to go outside when you have urges... WITHOUT your phone.  Walking around outside can really calm down your mind and bring you back to reality.  Being inside is where you PMO (for me at least) so don't stay inside all day.
Basically all strategies for overcoming PMO are about out waiting the urges that hit you.  So if going outside until those urges are gone helps you then great!  Excersizing helps when your stressed.  Escaping to go outside when it's just an urge.  Taking a cold shower when your tired.
These are just some things that I have found.

Anyway today has gone pretty good!  I'm hoping to see an increase in overall joy in life.  I truly believe that overcoming PMO will help me so much.  I remember when I was off of it for about 2 weeks I felt great.

Dbad said:

It's great that today and yesterday went well for you! As for your medication I think the main issue is when dopamine is produced in response to p, not dopamine itself. So long as you continue to avoid pmo I don't think there will be an issue but then again I'm no expert on brain chemistry so take what I say with a pinch of salt.

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Yeah I did some thinking about it and I think your right. I think it's when my body releases large quantities of dopamine due to extensive P use that messes up the way my brain is wired.  And so quitting PMO should allow me to return my pathways back to normal, plus I am most likely going to not take my medication over the summer so by the end of the summer as long as I don't relapse my brain should be functioning in great shape
Thanks for the reply!
And good luck to you!

Day 4: Today was pretty good!  I had a better attitude towards life in General, I got to meet up with some friends for a quick bible study and then we climbed trees and stuff.  The types of things a 15 year old guy should be doing... Unlike PMO!! Anyway today was good my urges were minimal and I controlled them well.  I've been really focused on trying to get to a PMO free future and I feel like I'm going to make it this time. I'm feeling really strong about this.

To all the people that have replied so far, thank you.  Every reply I get reminds me that I'm not alone in this battle!

I have also found the app brain buddy, if you type porn addiction in the App Store you can find it, to be really helpful!
I'm going to bed and I'm thinking about trying to learn how to play the guitar again tomorrow,
Anyway
Thanks,
Good luck to you all!

Day 5: Today was really good!  I had a much better attitude toward life and I felt less tempted to look at P.  Today I was a little more focused on school although I was still tired I was more "in the moment".
Another amazing thing happened today... Well last night.  I HAD A DREAM. Not a wet dream just a normal dream. I don't remember what happened but I dremed.  This is the first time in months.. Or maybe even a year of not dreaming.  I found out other people that gave up PMO had the same experience!

I feel really strong about this reboot and I'm determined to not give up.
Thanks
Good luck to all who read this!

Nice work, i like the name of your topic i see what you did there