17 year old porn addict and a straight A student and his struggle of relapse!

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Ikeepmyselfanon

Guest
Hello All

Though my title may seem like i'm boastful but I've always kept my head down in study but porn seems to be a escape from the stress of exams :/ I know not the reality. My previous history of porn roots to an exposure at age 12 with a relentless addiction. I would fight this addiction on months on ends but would always regress. So far this year the longest I abstained was 2 months which brought my grade average from A/B to 95-100%. I have an I.Q of 135 but that was when I was a kid, and a photographic memory which porn takes hold off, I'm assuming porn has dramatically reduced my cognitive function. I really need to get of porn addiction completely and take control over my life. Right at the moment I am mostly in control but out of the blue I would go on porn and "bust one".

I figured that my parents would not respond in an appropriate manner to my addiction and self motivation only works for a certain period. So I concluded the best solution is to join a online community where online support is given along with accountability rather than self-accountability. Btw me bragging about my I.Q is not to show im superior though I despise the social elitism snobbishness, I just realized porn addiction is usually associated with "weak minded" or not so bright individuals. This is absurd and from my experience porn is really the root cause of mental dysfunction and retrained relies heavily on motivation and will rather than intellect. Funny enough I try porn blocking softwares, such as K9, ColdTurkey etc but I end up mindlessly hacking my way through software reprogramming :/. Enough of me showing off I hope this journey is worth while and eventful
 

MeepMan

Active Member
Hey man! Good move in joining up here. It definitely helps to know there are other guys going through exactly the same thing. You can do this and get through it! Since I've removed porn from my live I've only had good results. Don't worry, this addiction could happen to anyone. The only difference is that someone who is weak minded would ignore the truth, pretend everything is fine and keep watching porn.

Good luck  :D
 
I

Ikeepmyselfanon

Guest
Dude thanks a lot, your post really helped my fight that burning feeling in the stomach I was really craving. I think the only think that keeps me going is knowing there's light at the end of this hellish tunnel. I don't exactly talk to people about this in the open, so this forum really means a lot to me :) .  So far its been two days with no porn or porn related impulses (that i consciously bring up). I know that does not seem a lot of time but I guess "a journey of a thousand mile beings with a single step". So far I have achieved greater mental clarity and a sudden upsurge of energy, I've went on jogs, excersized and socialized with girls and got a lot of damn revision done. I have noticed signs of cravings when doing something that won't completely occupy my mind, so If I watch T.V or get bored revising then those feelings just surge up :/ . But yet again its only 2 days so I don't want to sound like I know the whole process but you guys are amazing!! honestly reading your recoveries and mistakes into relapse has really got me motivated, so I guess I'm forever Thankful.
 
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Ikeepmyselfanon

Guest
I guess I let me self down :( regressed back into porn but I think I'm making some progress because I don't ejaculate too quickly and I don't enjoy porn as much. But sadly I hindered my brains progression in becoming re-wired so I start my counter again...
 

Madaemosewa

Member
Life may seem rather hopeless in many ways, one being academically, but truth be told it's up to you to pull yourself together and realise you could be successfull-and stride for it as you've got more than one shot: many people go to med school at 30  for example.- there are many opportunities in life and you should grab them whilst young. Just appreciate every days subtle improvements.
 
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Ikeepmyselfanon

Guest
"Life may seem rather hopeless in many ways, one being academically, but truth be told it's up to you to pull yourself together and realise you could be successfull-and stride for it..."

Yes most certainly it is upto oneself but that strive for self betterment is not a easy one. Self motivation is not one of intellect but rather a personal trait which everyone can improve. Anyways hopefully you find that silver lining in that dark cloud that hovers over you :)

And thank you I shall hold dear every little improvement
 
I

Ikeepmyselfanon

Guest
Today was a complete disaster, I had a completely horrific anxiety attack, It was like my brain was possessed to go on porn, and whilst everything was happening I had blurry vision and had no control. This is scary has any else had this? If this keeps happening if I suppress the urges, my chances of getting rid of my addiction is zero :( . I seriously think the pornographic hard wiring has left me mentally impaired or something of that nature, its like I was in trance like state almost demonic I thought I heard voices and the room felt like an earthquake. seriously Wtf is going please help anyone who knows whats going on I seriously need it  :'(
 
I

Ikeepmyselfanon

Guest
Here's what happened I was on youtube, and vine of a ladies in bikini's where on the side.

My brain just shuts down, and my stomach burns like hell. I leave the room asap, and my head begins to fantasize and the whole scenario becomes vivid, I mean the voices the texture etc. Then the possession takes place, I get up without thinking, my body on the verge of collapse I thought I was going to faint and a I get to my room I hear laughter and screams which was seriously scary, the ground starts moving and I go onto the first video I find :/ . This was one of the most F** up relapse I have ever had, and I seriously don't want to go through something like that again. I have heard people have withdrawal symptoms, maybe this is just a phase. I plan to avoid going onto the internet but thats not really realistic because I need to research etc but too much suppression and a slight arousal can cause serious repercussions.
 
O

OSS

Guest
Howdy. Porn will definitely destroy your ability to achieve in school if you let it. Before the peak of my addiction I went from being in the top of my Physics, Calculus and English classes to failing and dropping out, that was 8 months ago and now I have difficulty writing a semi intelligently constructed paragraph and have difficulty with basic calculus. All due to memory problems and brain fog. Have you tried meditation? Anecdotally, just 5-10 minutes a day for a little while will provide very measurable improvements.

Here are two links, free of any "woo-woo", an 8 and 26 minute version for when your ready
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pzMhLmErz5Q
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OboD7JrT0NE

Your relapse does sound pretty disturbing, sometimes this shit makes you feel like you're going insane. Vines and random little ad triggers have been responsible for 80% of my relapses. If you're using chrome try the extension "stayfocused" it will allow you to better manage procrastination when studying. Withdrawals CAN be a very real part of the process typically between days 30-60 you will have anxiety attacks, depression etc.
 
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Ikeepmyselfanon

Guest
Thanks for the advise on meditation, I haven't meditated properly. The only meditation technique I use is to decrease the blood flow of my erection which is a specific Taoist meditation. But yeah I heard there are numerous scientific findings on its benefits especially on the corpus callosum but I have not dedicated more than 5mins on meditation so I'll give that a shot.  With the cognitive dysfunction I thankfully case across Binaural beats which changes your brain frequency to enhance peak mental function or decrease it. I've read in certain case reports a frequencey of beta 14-18 would increase ones i.q +20 points higher. Though I'm abit skeptic It does really help with brain function the brain fog diminishes and I get strong memory retention but I still can recall photographic images :/.
But anyways I think my withdrawal was so dramatic was due to my lack of sleep, not to sound crazy but last year I remember not sleeping for 2 days and my head felt like  a t.v haha. Anyways dude hopefully you kick porns ass, how addicted where you when I seriously messed with your head?
 
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OSS

Guest
Goodluck with the meditation. Binaurals are great, I haven't seen any literature on them but it definitely seems to help. Having a photographic memory would definitely an extra challenge, I guess it's a bit clich? to ask but how do you describe it?

Agreed, lack of sleep makes things worse. Hahaha weow. Pretty damn addicted I never got into extreme genres like shemale or anything like that but it was daily use. I had to avoid facebook because if I saw an attractive girl I would auto pilot my way on a tube site within seconds, even if I was in my living room. Rushing home to watch, prioritizing over friends/family events etc
 
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Ikeepmyselfanon

Guest
I am doing quite well to be honest I've been quite busy, but I definitely increased productivity and forgot about my porn addiction until I saw the news on Harris's porn conviction or trail on the news paper which brought memories :/ but overall I definitely can see real progress. How about you? I seen your holding up longer than me :p
 
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OSS

Guest
Good to hear you're being productive man, I think it's likely the most important piece of the rebooting puzzle. Yeah I'm doing pretty good, staying off the computer allows me not to be triggered which seems to make the days fly by faster. You've got a good streak going yourself man, keep it up!
 
I

Ikeepmyselfanon

Guest
Yeah productivity definitely gives huge improvements to mental stability and reduces the risk of relapse but it does take some time to find something you really enjoy lol but for me I try fasting for certain periods where I'm most prone to masturbating and set strict sleep schedules and It feels like I was never addicted in the first place haha but I wonder how long that will last btw do u ever think of going back to calculus class
 
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OSS

Guest
Yeah definitely does take time to find something enjoyable, doesn't help being dopamine depleted. Oh nice, sounds like a good strategy. I haven't really thought about it tbh if I did I would have to study online. Only other way would be to repeat my last year of high school, but that's not optional.
 
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Ikeepmyselfanon

Guest
Dude sorry I know its been a long time, but It seems I have made huge improvements in my rehabilitation. I have been away from my laptop for about 10 days and avoided internet for about 21 days so you can say I made quite a huge sacrifice considering "the age of technology". Anyways I feel perfectly fine, no porno fantasy, well just some intrusion every now and then, I'm working out and go out with friends blah blah but anyway how have you been man?
 
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