AnonymousAnnaXO
Active Member
So I have a question to the addicts. My fiance is one year clean and he has turned his life around, and I couldn't be more proud of him.
Though, sometimes these days (it used to be all the time), he still doesn't seem to take things seriously and be responsible. Money is one thing he really struggles to be responsible with. And when it comes to work (he works for my parents) he used to be chronically late, then now he sometimes is late, and my dad tells me that he can't be late, it's unfair to other employee's and they can resent him for it. That's perfectly reasonable. Hell, my dad even said that if he was any other employee he would have been fired ages ago, so I do thank my dad for not firing him, but also for telling me there is an issue.
I know it is his responsibility to make sure he gets the things that he needs to get done, but I hate seeing him fail. When it comes to money, that affects me and our child that is on the way. I've been trying to save money, and well.. he hasn't... I don't know where all his money goes, well I do, it's to food and his car. It doesn't go to getting me flowers to show romance, it's always his car (sorry a bit resentful of his car).
I guess has any addict struggled with being self-centered with little regard for other people? He seems to have this habit or trait of thinking about himself and not realizing that his actions affect other people.
I know this may sound harsh, but I think if when I found out about the addiction, I should have left for a month to show him actions have consequences. I sometimes think he takes me for granted and thinks I'll stay through anything, and I will stay (but if he like did something very bad with money or physically/emotionally cheated we would have some serious things to talk about). I love him, and support him, but I also don't want him to think I'm a doormat because I am not and I've made that clear, but when things don't change I don't know what to do besides mention it, and sometimes I feel defeated when it doesn't change... so I sometimes give it a rest for a month, and will bring it up again.
I feel like I've really tried understanding him and how he could be that way, but since I am a person who always thinks about everyone else and if anything I do would hurt them, it's so foreign to me.
If you've struggled with being selfish how did you change those habits? How did you start thinking of other people? How did you realize your actions affected others? More importantly, how did you get the motivation to change?
I also sent my fiance some emails the other day with important things on rebuilding trust and such, and he hasn't read them and I know he forgets things but I guess I am slightly hurt... but at the same time, I tell myself he is busy or something. Idk.
Since I am pregnant I can't clean the cat litter, which I used to do because he hated it. It's supposed to be done once a week at minimum and I remind him so many times and I have to beg, in the end, he eventually caves because I've nagged him. I hate that because he claims to love the cats but he doesn't take care of them. I hate it because I love my cat so much, he is my emotional support animal from prior abuse and has helped me through very tough times, so for my cat to have to wait for him to clean the litter (sometimes it's every two weeks) I hate seeing that.
Any advice on how to get him to listen to me instead of saying, "Okay, I'll do it later, I'm tired now," or something along those lines. It's the same with dishes, or laundry, or picking things up...
Thank you!
Though, sometimes these days (it used to be all the time), he still doesn't seem to take things seriously and be responsible. Money is one thing he really struggles to be responsible with. And when it comes to work (he works for my parents) he used to be chronically late, then now he sometimes is late, and my dad tells me that he can't be late, it's unfair to other employee's and they can resent him for it. That's perfectly reasonable. Hell, my dad even said that if he was any other employee he would have been fired ages ago, so I do thank my dad for not firing him, but also for telling me there is an issue.
I know it is his responsibility to make sure he gets the things that he needs to get done, but I hate seeing him fail. When it comes to money, that affects me and our child that is on the way. I've been trying to save money, and well.. he hasn't... I don't know where all his money goes, well I do, it's to food and his car. It doesn't go to getting me flowers to show romance, it's always his car (sorry a bit resentful of his car).
I guess has any addict struggled with being self-centered with little regard for other people? He seems to have this habit or trait of thinking about himself and not realizing that his actions affect other people.
I know this may sound harsh, but I think if when I found out about the addiction, I should have left for a month to show him actions have consequences. I sometimes think he takes me for granted and thinks I'll stay through anything, and I will stay (but if he like did something very bad with money or physically/emotionally cheated we would have some serious things to talk about). I love him, and support him, but I also don't want him to think I'm a doormat because I am not and I've made that clear, but when things don't change I don't know what to do besides mention it, and sometimes I feel defeated when it doesn't change... so I sometimes give it a rest for a month, and will bring it up again.
I feel like I've really tried understanding him and how he could be that way, but since I am a person who always thinks about everyone else and if anything I do would hurt them, it's so foreign to me.
If you've struggled with being selfish how did you change those habits? How did you start thinking of other people? How did you realize your actions affected others? More importantly, how did you get the motivation to change?
I also sent my fiance some emails the other day with important things on rebuilding trust and such, and he hasn't read them and I know he forgets things but I guess I am slightly hurt... but at the same time, I tell myself he is busy or something. Idk.
Since I am pregnant I can't clean the cat litter, which I used to do because he hated it. It's supposed to be done once a week at minimum and I remind him so many times and I have to beg, in the end, he eventually caves because I've nagged him. I hate that because he claims to love the cats but he doesn't take care of them. I hate it because I love my cat so much, he is my emotional support animal from prior abuse and has helped me through very tough times, so for my cat to have to wait for him to clean the litter (sometimes it's every two weeks) I hate seeing that.
Any advice on how to get him to listen to me instead of saying, "Okay, I'll do it later, I'm tired now," or something along those lines. It's the same with dishes, or laundry, or picking things up...
Thank you!