19 Years of Slavery : fapping since I was 6 years old

Sorry for poor English. It's my first post here. As far as I can recall, I had started masturbating since I was 6 years old i.e. from year 2001and my present age is 25 years, and as a result all my childhood, I have been
Feeling as a zombie !! I have no interests of my own, I have no choices of my own , I have no likes dislikes of my own, basically I do not have an opinion of my own for almost all the things of my life. I have never masturbated to any porn . I  have always masturbated to pictures of actresses or movies' scenes. Bcoz of this I have always felt socially challenged and I have never felt the day to day emotions of my life. I was reasonably good in studies but what I observed during these years is that I have a constant brain fog and I am fairly poor and mentally challenged in day to day activities of my life. I also observed that whenever I was alone I always felt sad, gloomy and exhausted. I observed that as if my brain was saying a big NO to everything whatever I tried to do when I was alone. This further led me to fap whenever I was alone . And soon I was fapping whenever I was alone and I used to EDGE myself i.e. my sessions were always 2-3 hours but I only masturbated 3-4 times out of 10 times. I think that this edging has further imbalanced my brain to a great extent. But I noticed that whenever I was around my friends I used to live my life to its fullest i.e. as if my brain had come to life and I felt all emotions happiness , sadness, adventure but as soon as I returned to my home and in my me time , I again becomes a zombie. No matter how hard I try to develop new interests or hobbies but I was unable to . Also I grew up abnormally. At age of 13 I suffered from severe hormonal imbalance , my weight was suddenly reduced , I had gained height all of a sudden but the most frightening thing was that I developed severe acne on my forehead , and side of my cheeks . They were so dense and large in number that I was unable to see my real skin over that parts. Also I suffered from hairloss at the same time. And since then I have always been skinny and underweight and no matter how much I eat I remain skinny. I have started rebooting since last year i.e. 2019 with frequent relapses. I have gained control over my urges to a great extent compared to my situation last year. But since I have started rebooting I have been experiencing severe hair thinning ,depression, brain fog, poor concentration, almost like a zombie. It's the worst depression I have ever felt . It feels as if I would never be able to repair my brain. Please help me

You can't be "fapping" when you're only 6 years old. It is just impossible genetically.

EDIT: You don't even produce any sperm until you hit puberty.

Until the age of 13, I just used to stimulate my male organs, obviously there was no sperm but I used to masturbate or have mental stimulation by touching my male organs

Oh well then that is just bad sexual behaviour and it have nothing to do with addiction to pornography.
However I'm not here to bash you for it I just hope you can be more accurate so I can believe you and not treat this like some child trolling me.

Anyways man , in the rest of the post you described a lot of the things I deal with too -  lack of concentration, depression.

You ended your post with "help me" you already know what you're suppose to do man, you need to start your journey and reboot.

And it will be hard, you may even relapse a countless amount of times but if you won't give up you will eventually reach that reboot button , others have had and now it is your turn.

Good luck on your journey I wish you the best.

OBY said:

You can't be "fapping" when you're only 6 years old. It is just impossible genetically.

EDIT: You don't even produce any sperm until you hit puberty.

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You can. He is not the only one because I did the same thing around the same age. I remember being able to reach orgasm but of course I couldn't ejaculate yet. I masturbated without ejaculation for a few years. Not being able to ejaculate doesn't mean you can't reach orgasm.

OBY said:

Oh well then that is just bad sexual behaviour and it have nothing to do with addiction to pornography.
However I'm not here to bash you for it I just hope you can be more accurate so I can believe you and not treat this like some child trolling me.

Click to expand...

I don't know about him but I masturbated when I was younger than 10 years old, thinking about scenes I'd seen on TV in movies. It wasn't as strong as Internet porn but it was porn behavior. I was hooked before I watched my first porn movie because I was addicted to masturbating to those scenes from movies. When I watched my first porn movie, it was like I discovered a stronger version of my drug.

Icandoit said:

OBY said:

You can't be "fapping" when you're only 6 years old. It is just impossible genetically.

EDIT: You don't even produce any sperm until you hit puberty.

Click to expand...

You can. He is not the only one because I did the same thing around the same age. I remember being able to reach orgasm but of course I couldn't ejaculate yet. I masturbated without ejaculation for a few years. Not being able to ejaculate doesn't mean you can't reach orgasm.

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Have to say I agree with this too, from a very young age I used to do something similar, but of course didn't know really what it was. I would sort of squeeze when I was worried or anxious and reach an orgasm of sorts. The utlimate in early self soothing I guess. It is a thing.  Not sure it directly relates to problems with porn later down the road though.

Also , I wanted to ask what withdrawal symptoms did you people experience as you people also started masturbating the same age as mine . It's been almost 60 days into my reboot journey and I had 3-4 relapses . The withdrawal symptoms I am experiencing  currently are
1. Brain fog
2. Depression
3. Lack of motivation in daily stuff
4. Mental and cognitive decline
5. Severe hair thinning and hair whitening since I have started my reboot journey
6. Acne on forehead, and all around the hairline of my scalp
7. Excessive sebum production on scalp and my face
8. Hair have become brittle and lifeless
9. Also I am experiencing PE when I try to relapse which makes me worry and also force me to think whether these problems would be forever or things would become normal after sometime .

Icandoit said:

OBY said:

Oh well then that is just bad sexual behaviour and it have nothing to do with addiction to pornography.
However I'm not here to bash you for it I just hope you can be more accurate so I can believe you and not treat this like some child trolling me.

Click to expand...

I don't know about him but I masturbated when I was younger than 10 years old, thinking about scenes I'd seen on TV in movies. It wasn't as strong as Internet porn but it was porn behavior. I was hooked before I watched my first porn movie because I was addicted to masturbating to those scenes from movies. When I watched my first porn movie, it was like I discovered a stronger version of my drug.

Click to expand...

What withdrawal symptoms did you had while your reboot journey . Also I wanted to ask you at what age did you started your reboot journey and how much time did it take for you to attain the " NORMAL" you had set out for ?

GoonerGone said:

I would sort of squeeze when I was worried or anxious and reach an orgasm of sorts. The utlimate in early self soothing I guess. It is a thing.

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Exactly. I rubbed my dick against the bed to obtain that.

Ethan said:

Also , I wanted to ask what withdrawal symptoms did you people experience as you people also started masturbating the same age as mine . It's been almost 60 days into my reboot journey and I had 3-4 relapses . The withdrawal symptoms I am experiencing  currently are
1. Brain fog
2. Depression
3. Lack of motivation in daily stuff
4. Mental and cognitive decline
5. Severe hair thinning and hair whitening since I have started my reboot journey
6. Acne on forehead, and all around the hairline of my scalp
7. Excessive sebum production on scalp and my face
8. Hair have become brittle and lifeless
9. Also I am experiencing PE when I try to relapse which makes me worry and also force me to think whether these problems would be forever or things would become normal after sometime .

Click to expand...

Internet porn is the worst. It all went downhill for me when I got Internet at 16 and I was able to watch porn everyday. Before that, it was only on weekends, softcore porn after midnight. The most obvious things that happened to me after getting into Internet porn were: Social anxiety, exhaustion, lack of motivation and mood to do anything (my grades dropped), diminished social activity (I only wanted to get home as quickly as possible to watch porn), low mental tolerance (simple things bothered me hard), depression, feeling overall weak and passive etc. I mean, it's not a complete list but this is what I could come up with on the spot, maybe I should say they are the things that affected me the most from everything.

Hi Ethan,

I sense that you're anxious to know what symptoms will improve or be cured by rebooting.  I don't think anyone, no matter how much of an expert, is going to say for sure.  Some of the stuff you're talking about just kinda sounds like puberty.  My guess is that some of these things would have happened anyway, and the porn and masturbation are just making them worse.

For example, your lack of weight gain... are you able to know what the experience was at your age for people biologically related to you?  I was borderline underweight until some time in my 20s, a BMI around 18-19.  In fact, I don't think I could get within 10-15 pounds of that weight now in my 30s safely.  I'd have to seriously starve myself to do it.  I'm about 25 pounds heavier, and people still comment on me being skinny.  I knew that it was typical in my family to be built like that, especially in our teens, so I didn't worry.  I was a bit more extreme, but it was also the 90s, so no one was eating fat or proteins but lots of carbs.  So as long as your teenage metabolism cranks through the carbs, you won't gain fat and you also won't gain any muscle.  Come to think of it, the hair thinning and hair brittleness can come from nutrient deficiencies, so it might be worth considering your diet.  Do your own research on that since I'm not an expert, but some decent sources of proteins and B vitamins might be a good place to start.  Beware that going heavy with B vitamin supplements can make acne worse, so natural sources are better.  If you'd like to discuss acne specifically let me know.  I've had a bit of experience with that.

Quitting porn and masturbation will only help.  I know you're anxious to know HOW it will help, but you may have to just trust that it will help greatly, even if it doesn't help 100% of your symptoms.

The brain fog is a major one that does come from porn addiction, so I would definitely be looking forward to that improving.

Some of your symptoms sound like they could be driven by anxiety or depression.  That would mean porn and masturbation aren't primary, direct causes, but they can be indirect causes.  As you become healthier emotionally, your body will follow.

hey ethan,  most of us experience all of those problems, a lot of people report anxiety , brain fog and emotional numbness. you just have to keep on it , we don't recovery the same way, some people take 90 days others a year and so on. but almost everyone agrees that staying away from porn helps. Another thing to consider is that there may be other causes of anxiety either than porn, as @donelast has mentioned, you might have to check a professional for that.

DoneAtLast said:

Quitting porn and masturbation will only help.  I know you're anxious to know HOW it will help, but you may have to just trust that it will help greatly, even if it doesn't help 100% of your symptoms.

The brain fog is a major one that does come from porn addiction, so I would definitely be looking forward to that improving.

Some of your symptoms sound like they could be driven by anxiety or depression.  That would mean porn and masturbation aren't primary, direct causes, but they can be indirect causes.  As you become healthier emotionally, your body will follow.

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Quitting porn is definitely a must. No one can say they could be completely healthy with porn in their lives. How much does quitting porn help? I guess one can only do it and see. I, myself, am looking forward to seeing how I will feel too but I got to "taste" a little bit when I had longer streaks and I liked what was it like. I can only imagine that I should feel even better when I'm done with porn for good because even though I had those longer streaks, I wasn't done with porn yet.

Also, porn is not always the source of all the problems. It could make some things worse but it could also create some things that go away when you are not addicted anymore. it goes hand in hand with what I said above: You can't know which was porn and which was you until you quit. I believe that my problems with severe social anxiety happened because of porn. Maybe I would've had some issues with social anxiety but not to the magnitude that I experienced them after I had started watching Internet porn daily. A big change happened after I got Internet and my whole life started to suffer. Social anxiety was probably the biggest problem that happened.