Newbie here- First post of my journey

Hello everyone!
I'm a 43 yrs old that has been maried for 18.  I can count with my fingers the amount of times that I had sex without issues during this time.
The problem started with my strict religious beliefs. I was 21 yrs old the first time I kissed a girl, and did not have sex until I got married at 24.
As I saw premarital sex as a "sin" since childhood, I never approached anybody to have sex, and I was full of guilt and shame every time I masturbated. With time, I started masturbating to online porn.
When I got married, sex was horribly dissapointing to me and my wife. I had performance issues since the honeymoon.  I had sex the first night, but no orgasm. I did not function again for the rest of the trip.
I went from the urologist to a psychologist, and nobody could find the root cause. I've been taking antidepressants for years.
Last year I started reading articles about "rebooting" and tried it for about 3 weeks in November. I did not tried to have sex, but I relapsed.
So, as a new years resolution, I started again and so far, I've been "behaving" for 39 days.

I'm really anxious all the time, and I don't have an idea when I should try again to have sex with my wife.

I'll keep you posted about my journey. Thanks for your time and understanding.

Raoul

Well Raoul... you have a good woman if she has stuck by you 18 years.. I too was a religous person as a child, so I understand what you are going through, you have to stay strong, keep your mind occupied and your body, you ever think about talking to her about this? maybe she would be relieved that its not her but your addiction, if you explain what has happened to your brain, and that the ed is not her fault either but the effects the porn has had on you... I know its scary to tell anybody.. but after 18 years it may be worth the chance, she may help you get over this anxiety,and give you accountability for your actions, so you wont be tempted again.. you can go back to holding her, getting in touch with feeling you had with her in the begining, explain to her you cant have sex.. you really need to obstain for at least 60 days and ask for her help so you dont get back on the computer and look at porn.. I cant tell you for sure it will work, she could run.. but involving her is the right thing to do, good or bad.. like i said involving her it may bring you two closer then you ever have, sometimes sharing a life tragedy... I pray for you, and know you will make it.. you pray too for his strengh he will give it too you

Thanks Charliek, for your kind words.
Fot the moment I have not watch any porn since the beginning of the year, and no masturbation at all.  I started to have "wet dreams" like when I was 13, so I think it should be a good symptom.
I plan to talk to my wife soon, so I'll let you know how everything goes.
Thanks a lot!
Raoul

Today is my 45th day.  I feel good because of what I've accomplished until now, but I feel kind of depressed today. 
I have no libido at all.  I try to maintain my brain occupied doing shores and stuff like that.  Let's see how this develops.

I'll keep you posted.

Wannarecover said:

I feel good because of what I've accomplished until now, but I feel kind of depressed today. 
I have no libido at all.

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DO go to your physician and get tested for blood testosterone levels.  "Low T" (as all the commercials call it) may or may not manifest itself as a lack of libido.  Mine showed up as "skipped heartbeats" despite the fact that the "libido aspects" were fine.  Getting the "T" level up to normal fully stabilized the heartbeat problem.  That was probably 30 years ago.  Have been on hormone supplements ever since.

Thank you Warthog, for the suggestion.  Actually I have a Dr's appointment early next month.  I'll ask the doctor about it.

Hello guys!
I'm on my day #53. I'm realizing that my ED problem maybe is worst than I thought. Right now my libido is still zero. Nothing gets me excited. I've been avoiding porn and masturbation like the plague. I keep my mind occupied at work and doing chores at home. At least we are going twice a week to the gym also.

My wife and I have been in an almost sexless relationship for years, so we don't feel in a "rush" right now to try to have sex.  But even when we kiss or hug or touch, I don't feel anything. I've failed so many times in the past that the anxiety kills my mood before even trying.

So, thanks for letting me vent, and I'll keep you posted about my "progress"...

Hello! 
This is day 62 for me.  I'm still in the "flatline".  As I said before, I keep involved doing projects at home and at work.
Is interesting for me that I don't have morning wood often, but I have a lot of "leakage" every couple of days. But no interest in sex.

Hello guys!

I'm on day 81 of my initial goal of 90 of no PMO.  To be honest, I'm kind of scared of trying to have sex with my wife.  As I mentioned before, my flatline has been much longer than I expected.  And I've failed so many times to maintain an erection that I don't know how I'll react if it happens again.

Have any of you had a similar issue? I think I need some therapy.

Wat did the doc say about your testosterone levels??

Wannarecover said:

Hello guys!

I'm on day 81 of my initial goal of 90 of no PMO.  To be honest, I'm kind of scared of trying to have sex with my wife.  As I mentioned before, my flatline has been much longer than I expected.  And I've failed so many times to maintain an erection that I don't know how I'll react if it happens again.

Have any of you had a similar issue? I think I need some therapy.

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Keep your chin up, it may just be you need to try and have sex with your wife.  Performance anxiety can be difficult on you and it seems like, if I'm not mistaken that antidepressants can cause ED problems, inability to O problems and libido issues too.  All these issues are exactly why it is imperative we avoid inappropriate sex activities.  God gave us our wives to be our singular sexual vessel.  Now they do so much more than that, but they are to be the singular recipient of all our desires, pleasure and physical intimacy.  Talk to your doc, get your "T" checked out, ask about the antidepressants and if need be try the little blue pill once, just to kinda kick things off.  I think sometimes in this process we focus so hard on trying not to think about PMO, that we instinctively shut out all our sexual desires, even the healthy ones.  I believe if you get all the physiological issues squared away, you get your mind in a confident state that if you just try, you'll be amazed at the blessings God has in store for you and your wife.  Try showering together, go on a date, tell her how beautiful she is.  I hate to use this metaphor, but you've just gotta get back on the horse.  Believe you can do it don't let the past into your mind.  Use the same strategy you use to avoid PMO to block out those past failures, those negative thoughts.  You are the man, believe it! 

Warthog: I went to the DR last week for my physical. I asked him to send me to have all the labwork done, including T-levels. My next appointment is in May, and then I'll discuss the results with him.  I'll keep you posted.  Thanks for checking how I'm doing!

Trader22:  Thanks for your kind words and good suggestions. I'm on antidepressants not for depression; its for GAD (General anxiety Disorder).  I believe that my condition makes my ED issues worst.  I'll work on my negative thoughts.  Thanks a lot!

Wanna....just read your thread here. Congratulations on so many days of no pmo...this is AWESOME. You are on your way.

I want to encourage you to be physically active as well....this will go a LONG way in helping you.

I know it makes a HUGE difference for me.

I am looking forward to hearing of more successes from you....as long as you are keeping on track and no pmo....your body and your mind will regain health, and I know you have great things ahead. You already have made huge strides. Thank you for coming here and sharing about your journey away from pmo.

Glad you are here.

NGU

Reached my 90 days goal!!! ;D. Woohoo!

I'm so happy. I never thought I could make it.  It's been like a rollercoaster, but worth it. 

Although I haven't tried to have sex yet, I'm taking the process very slow.  I don't want to mess it up.

My next step is to have my labs done, and make sure that my T-levels are right.  After that, I know that I should speak to a therapist to deal with some of the emotional issues.  But I'm ready to tackle them!

Thanks to all of you for your support during this time.  I'm setting my counter for 90 days more.

I'll keep you posted!

Congrats on the big accomplishment! 90 days is huge.