Wanttobebetter
Member
As I enter my third week of rebooting, like everyone else it's pretty much been the number one topic on my mind. But for whatever reason I seem to be gaining a clarity on my history of objectifying women. Old memories are coming back of times going back 40 years where my sole attraction to a woman might be her great breasts or to simply have sex with her. Hair and face and body and breasts belly and legs were all that mattered to me. She could have had the personality of a rattlesnake. If she was hot, I was infatuated. This happened everywhere I went. Every day. As the memories come back they are like reality checks on who I've been and how long I've been that piece of shit.
Then when porn started on the internet my views in the real world went crazy. For the longest time I couldn't understand what was wrong with me every time a woman I crossed paths with went through my mental "what would it be like to screw her" process. I would sit across a table with a woman at a meeting and while the topic was business, my mind wasn't even there. It happened every single time. Not understanding it drove me crazy too. I thought I was insane! I even acted on my fantasies with three women. Nothing physical. No stalking behavior. There was no physical assault or anything. I simply did sweet things for them, declared my love, all the while simply wanting to get in their drawers. One of them just laughed it off. Another, my actions completely destroyed a longtime friendship and the third was wise enough to just let it roll off her back and forget about it.
Now, as I make progress here and watch videos over on YBOP, I'm gaining a better understanding of my affliction. And with that, along from abstinence from PM, I find that it seems to be subsiding already. In only the past two weeks, without the crash-bash stimulation of HD porn, I really seem to be getting some control on my thoughts and any woman I speak to no longer instantly becomes a sexual fantasy.
Anyhow, that's me. Maybe my entry will help somebody else here. I'd also welcome any feedback.
Everybody take care of yourselves
Then when porn started on the internet my views in the real world went crazy. For the longest time I couldn't understand what was wrong with me every time a woman I crossed paths with went through my mental "what would it be like to screw her" process. I would sit across a table with a woman at a meeting and while the topic was business, my mind wasn't even there. It happened every single time. Not understanding it drove me crazy too. I thought I was insane! I even acted on my fantasies with three women. Nothing physical. No stalking behavior. There was no physical assault or anything. I simply did sweet things for them, declared my love, all the while simply wanting to get in their drawers. One of them just laughed it off. Another, my actions completely destroyed a longtime friendship and the third was wise enough to just let it roll off her back and forget about it.
Now, as I make progress here and watch videos over on YBOP, I'm gaining a better understanding of my affliction. And with that, along from abstinence from PM, I find that it seems to be subsiding already. In only the past two weeks, without the crash-bash stimulation of HD porn, I really seem to be getting some control on my thoughts and any woman I speak to no longer instantly becomes a sexual fantasy.
Anyhow, that's me. Maybe my entry will help somebody else here. I'd also welcome any feedback.
Everybody take care of yourselves